random bits

I am safely returned from my weekend in Vegas … with the exception of a sunburn that is! My shoulders aren’t quite lobster red, but they’re close. I had a wonderful time lounging in the pool however. Cirque du Soleil was amazing last night!! I am back tired but rested, if that makes sense. Resting in the company of good friends who know you deeply is very special. Of course, they’re good friends so you do lots of fun things which makes you tired. All in all I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend of fun prior to entering the Novitiate in less than a month!!

I also wanted to point out an interesting post that is worth a read by my bloggy friend Sr. Steph.

Is religious life dying out? No. Is the face of religious life changing? Yes. Are the numbers of priests and religious decreasing? Yes. But does that mean we're dying out? No. Quantity isn't everything. And while we need to plan for the future, that doesn't mean we should give up our present. Read the rest…

You can also listen to bloggy friend Sister Christine on the latest Busted Halo Cast (it's "Part One of the Vocaion Episode").

As for me, I’m tired and will spend the rest of the evening watching more of season 2 of the House of Elliot (a British tv show I have recently become obsessed with watching on dvd). Tomorrow I must get serious about week two of my sort/purge/pack project.

postcard from vegas

Last night as I was walking from the New York New York Hotel to the Excalibur, my friend pointed to a group of scantily clad young women, one of whom was wearing a veil (obviously a bachelerotte party). She turned to me and said, "We should be making you wear the other kind of veil."

Luckily & happily, it is not so. But we're having fun here. Yesterday we rode the roller coaster, played in the pool, had a nice dinner and explored. I also found a new favorite penny slot machine .... you get to feed little goldfish. No, I'm not much of a gambler. Today it will be more of the same, except that we're splurging and going to see Cirque du Soleil tonight!!! I'm quite excited about that.

It's hot but not unbearable, which is good. Well, I only paid for 24 hours of internet access and it's almost up so ciao for now!

postcard from the airport

I'm taking advantage of the free wi-fi at the airport (another reason I love Portland - most other airports charge a fee) to check-in and tell you two stories.

Story One: There once was an independent free spirited little girl named Susan. Her mother had taught her how to use public transit at a young age - the theory being if she ever WERE to be kidnapped, she'd have a chance of making it home if she escaped! Anyway, when Susan was in middle school and junior high, she used to take the Metro downtown and meet her mother for lunch. Her mom worked on Capitol Hill and it was always exciting to walk through the halls. Sometimes Susan would head down to the Smithsonian before or after lunch ostensibly to explore the museums. But what Susan really did most times was play a litte game called "I spy." No, not "I spy the Washington Monument" but "I spy a family from Kansas and will follow them around the Smithsonian all day." Seriously ... it was fun! So what if it was a little too much like stalking. The main point of it was really just to see my hometown through the eyes of out of town visitors. I especially liked seeing the sights through the eyes of families from foreign countries!

Story Two: This afternoon I took the light rail to the airport. Across the aisle from me were a brother and his sister. He's probably 13, she's probably 11. They were also headed to the airport, but I got the distinct impression they were headed there not to catch a plane or to meet someone but to play. Can't say I blame them .... it is airconditioned after all! Too bad they won't be able to get past security. On the train they were pretending that they were going to be late for their plane that left in 15 minutes! Then they were pretending that they were going to meet a long lost relative and didn't know if they'd recognize them. It was cute to see a brother and sister hanging out together and showing a vivid sense of imagination.

Now some of my bloggy readers may be horrified by these stories of pre-teen kids out and about in the city on their own. You may be concerned for their safety or suspicious about their activities. And there's a point to such concerns, which is why I always keep an eye on kids when they're on their own, even if I don't know them. But I also think that a lot has been lost in exchange for safety. Sometimes kids just need to be kids ... in the world not away from the world.

PS - thanks for the birthday wishes! It's been a really good day so far. I love being on vacation!

off to the desert

We interrupt this packing/sorting vacation for a quick weekend trip to Las Vegas with the girls. Yes that Las Vegas. I am meeting some of my college girl friends for a weekend at the Luxor. The plan is to catch up, have fun, and spend loads of time in the pool and enjoying the air conditioning.

The occasion? My 34^th birthday (which is July 27) and the fact that I’m becoming a Novice one month from today! No major plans for hedonism. And if I manage to win the jackpot (which is highly unlikely as I play the nickel slots) then yes, I think my plan would still be to enter the Novitiate!

I’ll check back in on Sunday. Have a happy & safe weekend everyone

sorting and finding

Well folks, I write to you from the box filled locale that is my apartment of the past 11 years. I've been busy sorting and packing on my "working vacation." It has been nice to not even think about work. I can get used to that I think.

I sorted through the family photographs and mementos I brought from my family home when we sold it a while back. When my mom died, I promised her that I would continue her project of making memory books for my siblings when they turn 40. She'd gotten around to the first two, but she wouldn't be around for my brother, sister & me. I finished Michael's book last fall and I'm bringing the pictures and supplies with me to New Jersey to make Monica's book.

My 40th's is 6 years away, so I'll just be storing my things until closer to that date. I did find a news clipping from 34 years ago that I thought I'd share. It's my birth announcement and is archeological proof of the fight my siblings had about the "big room" and my being a girl instead of a boy!*

NEW ARRIVAL at the new Francois house is 10 pound 8 ounce Susan Rose, born Thursday, July 27. Frank & Eileen purchased a new house on Seabury Lane earlier in the month and apparently Susan decided to wait until most of the moving had been finished.

Joey, 10 and Michael, 6, were hoping the baby would be a boy so the three of them could have the big bedroom, however Marie, 9, and Monica, 3, are very happy about the room arrangements.
-The Bowie Blade, August 3, 1972

* My sister Monica usually calls me on my birthday to celebrate the day the girls won and the boys had to move out of the big room. You see they were convinced I'd be a boy, as the prior birth pattern had been boy girl boy girl. The family had just moved into a new house right before I was born, and the boys had moved into the big room. I have always found it funny that my life started with this little feminist incident.

pray for peace

Lord Jesus Christ, who are called the Prince of Peace, who are yourself our peace and reconciliation, who so often said, "Peace to you," grant us peace. Make all men and women witnesses of truth, justice, and brotherly and sisterly love. Banish from their hearts whatever might endanger peace. Enlighten our rulers that they may guarantee and defend the great gift of peace. May all peoples of the earth becomes as brothers and sisters. May longed-for peace blossom forth and reign always over us all. - Blessed John XXIII

pray for peace

I received this prayer in an e-mail from the groovy sister Congregation Office. If you like me feel helpless with the world falling apart around us, perhaps you would like to join me in praying for peace at this crucial time.

Peace

God of Solidarity,
We mourn the deaths of over 300 of our sisters and
brothers in Lebanon, and the displacement of over
500,000. Give us the ability to feel compassion.

God of the Poor and Vulnerable,
You call us to stand for the weak and for those who
cannot protect themselves. Help us to stand for the
poor and the vulnerable by refusing to stand for
continued death, destruction, and devastation.

God who gave each person Human Dignity,
You desire that each person can live a dignified life, one
in which basic needs are fulfilled. Because of the war,
people are left without housing, without sanitation or
electricity. Roads, transportation systems, and the
ability to make a daily living are now destroyed for many.

God of Peace,
We pray for a true resolution to the conflict between
Israel and Lebanon. The roots of the conflict are deep
and much difficult dialogue will be needed. We realize
that both sides share the guilt for needless destruction
and suffering. Bring peace, O God.

God who gives each of us both rights and
responsibilities,
Help us to guarantee the rights of those who suffer by
reminding our leaders of their responsibilities toward the
common good. Call all involved to dialogue. Let peace
come. Amen.

by Jill Rauch, Education for Justice

bloggy namesake

You may have noticed that the URL for this blog is actjustly.blogspot.com. Today’s 1^st reading is from Michah 6, and is my blog’s scriptural namesake.

"With what shall I come before the LORD,
and bow before God most high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
with myriad streams of oil?
Shall I give my first-born for my crime,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
You have been told, O people, what is good,
and what the LORD requires of you:
Only to do the right and to love goodness,
and to walk humbly with your God. "

This morning starts Day One of Project Sort/Purge/Pack. I realized this morning that for the past few years I’ve taken a week of vacation around this time of year (in the heat!) to do just that. One benefit of being on vacation at home is being able to go to daily mass at my own parish. I remember one summer day two years ago when I was just starting to think about this whole vocation thing seriously. The 1^st reading that day was also Micah 6-8, and it resounded deeply in my core. I was searching for what God was calling me to … could be this simple? Indeed, I think it is for all of us. To act justly. To love tenderly. And to walk humbly with our God.

Or in my case this week, to sort, pack and purge humbly with my God.

the art of groovy hospitality

Over the years I’ve lived alone and had roommates at various times. One thing I’ve always liked about living with new people is you get a different perspective on living this thing called life. For example, from my old roommate CoCo I learned an appreciation for listening to NPR in the morning. Kathy taught me the value of sitting around on Sunday morning drinking coffee and reading the paper (best experienced while your just washed hair is wrapped in a towel). I can’t really imagine my life now without either of those two habits.

My Sister housemates here at my weekend groovy sister pad have taught me the value of hospitality. There are always “extra” people here. They’re not even really guests, because if you’re here, you are part of the house. At Christmas & Thanksgiving we had at least 25 people at dinner. The house seems to have a way of magically expanding to meet the needs of those present. Laughter, warmth & good food are always on the menu here.

Last night I had the groovy sister pad to myself for the first time ever as the rest of the house left for their annual vacation. (I’ll be spending my vacation clearing out my apartment in Portland!). I decided to have Chero (the other almost-Novice from the province) and Vicky (an almost-Associate) over for dinner. It wasn’t until I had dinner almost ready, the table set and music playing that I realized …. I had picked up the habit of groovy sister hospitality! Originally we had planned to go out to dinner, but I decided I wanted to cook and invite them into this special space. I’ve had dinner parties in my day, but I think I’ve learned the fine art of hospitality spending time here with this great group of women.

We had a great time. My Moroccan Chicken turned out well, but the company and conversation was even better. I even got a super cool birthday present from Vicky. It’s her own creation … a tote bag that says “Groovy Sisters” in Chinese! How cool is that.

Well, I should get going. My mentor Julie is coming over in a bit for a visit, and then I’ll be driving back to Portland.

Peace Out
Susan

hot hot hot

It's almost 10:00 pm and it's hot! I shouldn't complain though because while it hit 97 here in Seattle today, it was 105 down in Portland. Two towns without much air conditioning, so when it's hot it's hot. But I'll live.

My birthday is next Thursday, but the celebrations started tonight. My sister housemates made a birthday feast for me, since they're heading off to the Ocean tomorrow on vacation and I'll be heading back to Portland the day after. It was nice to be able to celebrate with them. I tried to help clear the plates after dinner but was ordered to sit down as it's was my birthday dinner! Delicious food (and cake!) and wonderful company.

Tomorrow night I'll have my weekend groovy sister pad to myself. I've invited Chero (the other almost novice) and Vicky (a candidate for Associate membership) over for dinner and birthday celebration #2. Should be fun. I'm hoping it won't be as hot though because I decided to cook instead of go out to eat. It will be hot in the kitchen, but fun to cook a feast for my friends.

Today I finally got around to writing my part for my ceremony of Reception next month. Our provincial will ask me, "What are your hopes as you begin the period of Novitiate." My answer will be written in the program and I'll be saying it aloud. I won't give it away now ... that would take all the fun out of it. But it was very meaningful to take some time with our groovy constitutions to prayerfully discern just what are my hopes about the Novitiate. This is all getting so much more real!

on bloggers

A non-blogger friend pointed me to a recent Pew Research study about bloggers, “Bloggers: A portrait of the internet's new storytellers.” An interesting read.

Most of the blogs I read are “God blogs” (ie., religion or spiritual journeys). According to the report, only 2% of blogs are about religion, spirituality, or faith. That said, a whopping 37% of blogs are about bloggers’ lives and personal experiences. That also describes most of the “God blogs” I read, as they are by and large expressions of the blogger's personal experiences in the life of faith.

Speaking of bloggers, I was privelged to meet Mark Mossa, SJ today in real life. The tail of end of his conference in Seattle coincided with the beginning of my groovy sister reserves weekend. We managed to connect for brunch, conversation, and a ride to the airport. That’s my fourth bloggy friend that I’ve met in person. Good to connect a real person with the online voice. I hope to meet more of you East-Coast blogger types when I relocate to NJ in the fall!

On that note, it’s a beautiful day outside. Sunny and warm. I think I’ll go for a walk. How's that for sharing my personal life experiences. I'm sure you tuned in to find out that I was going for a walk! ;)

last call for groovy sister reserves

Well, it’s finally come … my last weekend of groovy sister reserves. I have much to tie up at home in Portland as I close up shop at work and my apartment, so I won’t be coming back to Seattle again until my Reception to the Novitiate on August 26. Then I’ll be staying here at my weekend groovy sister pad for a week and a half before I head to the Congregation Novitiate in New Jersey. But this is my last time here as a Candidate. Crazy how fast the year has gone!

I’m also on vacation now until August 7th. I’ve been helping my replacement at work settle in for the past week and a half. The plan was to train him, but we were hit with a crazy busy project. Today we had a mad 4 hour “cram” session before I left. I’ll be thinking of him the next two & a half weeks as he learns by trial & error.

When I head back to the office, I’ll only have 9 days left as a bureaucrat! Hard to believe.

The main plan for my vacation once I’m back in Portland on Sunday is to get serious about sorting through all my stuff. I’m trying to take this as an opportunity to simplify, so while I am planning to ship a bit to New Jersey and store another bit at a friends, I have lots to sort through and give away. No more time for procrastination! I’ll be breaking up the time with a weekend trip to Vegas with some girlfriends and a trip to California to visit family.

But for now, it’s groovy sister reserves. And bed. I am tired after the past few weeks at work.

my illustrious K-Mart career

Ima commented to my last post:

Never know where you're going to run into another "ex-K-mart employee". Only, when I worked at K-mart, you were about two years old. It was my first "real" job (the snack bar at the swap meet in the 11th grade doesn't really count), the summer I graduated high school. Long enough ago that they paid us in cash.

K-Mart was my first “real” job too. Working for free on my dad’s political campaigns didn’t count! Neither did helping my mom run the Toys for Tots program at the jail.

When I turned 16, my Dad took me to the local K-Mart to get a job. Literally … I think he waited in the parking lot while I filled out my application. I worked there my Junior & Senior year in high school (late 80’s) and summer and Christmas breaks during College (early 90’s). I started out as a cashier, then got promoted to checkout supervisor & customer service desk.

We too got paid in cash, which I always thought was weird. Many people left the cash cage with their pay, stopped off at lay away to make an installment payment on something or other, then strolled through the store picking up random purchases. So in a way, I guess it was really smart of them to pay us in cash.

I loved working at K-Mart. That may sound weird, but I did. And it had nothing to do with blue light specials as they were banned for most of my tenure. They only made an appearance for the rare “moonlight madness.”

I remember watching Nelson Mandela be released from jail while I was in the break room.

I fondly remember working on the garden patio which was notoriously devoid of customers … I’d write letters to friends on credit card receipts. And opening the boxes of school supplies. And working in the automotive section (filling in for the boys who always called in “sick”) where men would walk towards me with an inquisitive look, decide as a woman I’d know nothing (which was in fact true), and then walk away. This happened in Sporting Goods too.

I don’t remember so fondly the music loop (I swear it was 20 minutes long), stocking the cigarettes, selling bait or ammo, or standing up for hours on end.

Working the checkout lines at Christmas which went on for ever was also a good lesson in patience and being in the moment. There was nothing you could do about how grumpy people were or to make the lines dissappear. It was what it was. A good life lesson.

All in all my illustrious K-Mart career was a positive period in my life. Not one I’d want to repeat mind you, but it was home for a time.

WaPo on W-M

In my former life, I was a checkout cashier & supervisor at K-Mart. In a month and 2 weeks I become a Novice. So, it's not surprising that this aricle caught my attention over at the Washington Post - A Bid to Get Religion? Wal-Mart Hires Ex-Nun.

I was intrigued. Turns out they hired this woman, Harriet Hentges, to help steer the company's policies on the environment, health care and labor relations. All areas where Wal-Mart needs serious help and public relations.

The headline - and article - focus on the fact that she was once a nun, playing it up as Wal-Mart looking for "redemption" and "salvation." But she left her religious community in 1972 ... the year I was born.

In the 34 years since she has done many things which seem to make her highly qualified for this position.

Hentges served as chief operating officer of the League of Women Voters before joining the United States Institute of Peace, where she led mediation and reconstruction efforts in Iraq and the Balkans. She earned a PhD in international economics from Johns Hopkins University.

More than qualified, I'd say. And some amazing life experiences that only get a brief mention because she once thought she had a religious vocation. Many women left religious communities in the 70's & 80's for a variety of reasons. It was a turbulent time for the Church and religious life after Vatican II. Women's realities changed and it was possible for women to amazing things in the secular world (like get a PhD in international economics). Many realized they were called to marriage and family. Others realized simply realized that religious life was not their calling. It was tough and hard on those who left and those who stayed ... I still see wounds being healed, bridges rebuilt in those I know.

It's a commentary on something about our society that the fact that someone once wore a habit sticks with them as their primary mark in life, even after 34 years of many other interesting things.

Wal-Mart's spokesperson is quoted as saying Hentges was hired for her "understanding of complex issues" rather than her religious background The fact that she was a once a nun "had nothing to do with it," she said. I'm inclined to think that's true.

Well, off to work for this soon to be ex-bureaucrat. Perhaps when I do something super Sister-like, the article will say "Ex-Bureaucrat does x,y,z". Or maybe even "Former K-Mart employee."

Hmmmm.... don't think that's how it works.

my lifetime movie

I was reading an interview of Amy Sedaris (of Strangers with Candy and being related to David Sedaris fame) the other day where she said that today's equivelant of the After School Special is the Lifetime Movie.

And thanks to my friend Sheila pointing me in the direction of the Lifetime Movie Title Generator, I now know that my lifetime movie will be called ....

What My Habit Taught Me: The True Story of Susan

"Might as well"

Natty will be happy to know that I’m resurrecting my “Nuns on Film” series … although I don’t know if I really call the movie in question a “film.” It’s a movie, and a stupid movie at that. But even in the stupid movies of life, there are lessons to be learned.

A recent visitor found their way to this humble spot in the blogosphere by googling “what type of woman becomes a nun.” The answer of course is that all sorts of women become nuns. I suppose a few common denominators would be a love of God and a desire to help people, not to mention the mysterious element of the vocational call.

On the other hand running away from something is not really a good reason to become a nun. This is illustrated in an almost humorous and semi interesting way in the movie Saving Silverman. Yes, I’ll admit it … I just watched Saving Silverman. Or more accurately, I watched portions of it and fast forwarded through the rest. It’s a silly/stupid move … I knew that going in. And it does in fact feature a former trapeze artist who entered the convent after her trapeze artist partner/boyfriend fell to a tragic death. Her reasoning? Since she “knew” she’d never love again, she “might as well” serve the Lord and help people. For the record, “might as well” is not the best motivation for exploring a religious vocation … or anything for that matter. Marriages founded on “might as well” do not tend to last either!

Saving Silverman is filled with inaccurate portrayals of religious life in a effort I think to be funny. Exhibit a) our nun-in-training is wearing a hip hugging habit type thing with a super short skirt. Exhibit b) she lifts weights with the Mother Superior in full habit (although she herself has her mini-habit on) while other Sisters are kickboxing in the corner. The scales are balanced in favor of slapstick over reality. The interesting side note about this is that the producers of the movie did make the effort to find out what religious life is actually like these days. They talked to our groovy vocation director Sr. Jo-Anne in fact. I know this because in appreciation for her time, they blew up a great picture of Sr. Jo-Anne’s novice class in their wedding dresses, right before they got the habit. (Yes that’s how it used to be … no I will not be wearing a wedding dress or a form fitting short skirted habit either!). She told me the story when she showed me the picture last year.

But that’s off topic. What I find interesting is that the most accurate bit about religious life in the movie is the fact that her “might as well” motivation ends up not being enough. Not to spoil the movie for you, but she ends up falling in love and leaving the convent right before she’s to take her final vows.

I really only rented the movie because as I saw it at the video store, I remembered that they’d talked to Sr. Jo-Anne. My curiosity was peaked … and I was almost entertained!

If anyone has recommendations for GOOD subjects for future “Nuns on Film” posts, drop a note in the comments or send me an e-mail.

further dream analysis

I just woke up really tired from a super busy dream where I was babysitting and playing with my goddaughter and her brother and my godson and his brother. I was visiting friends in the hospital. I was planning parties for friends’ birthdays and other big life events. And then I was babysitting some more.

Hmmmmm…. me thinks I’m having some separation anxiety? The thing is, I know my friends are having separation anxiety as well, and for them in a way it’s harder. I’m moving forward on a path I know is right to new and exciting things. Life will continue forward for them as well, but in a month and 2 weeks I won’t be around anymore as a regular part of their daily lives.

Good to recognize, both for myself and for the affect my departure will have on those I love here in Portland. Good to think of it is a “see you later” rather than a goodbye. These special people will always be in my heart. I will be with them in prayer. I will keep in touch via phone and e-mail. And I will see them again soon.

Tricky business this following Jesus thing. But then again, no one said I would be easy!

Now I think I’ll go to mass and then a big long walk to get some energy I think on this Saturday morning. I had plans to start tackling my projects at home, but I think I need a quiet day, or at least a quiet morning.

Have a good weekend all!

Susan

hosea and the news

Today's headline: Israel Widens Scope of Offensive in Lebanon.

Today's first reading is from Hosea:

Thus says the LORD:
Return, O Israel, to the LORD, your God;
you have collapsed through your guilt.
Take with you words,
and return to the LORD;
Say to him, “Forgive all iniquity,
and receive what is good, that we may render
as offerings the bullocks from our stalls.
Assyria will not save us,
nor shall we have horses to mount;
We shall say no more, ‘Our god,’
to the work of our hands;
for in you the orphan finds compassion.”
I will heal their defection, says the LORD,
I will love them freely;
for my wrath is turned away from them.
I will be like the dew for Israel:
he shall blossom like the lily;
He shall strike root like the Lebanon cedar,
and put forth his shoots.
His splendor shall be like the olive tree
and his fragrance like the Lebanon cedar.
Again they shall dwell in his shade
and raise grain;
They shall blossom like the vine,
and his fame shall be like the wine of Lebanon.

Ephraim! What more has he to do with idols?
I have humbled him, but I will prosper him.
“I am like a verdant cypress tree”—
because of me you bear fruit!

Let him who is wise understand these things;
let him who is prudent know them.
Straight are the paths of the LORD,
in them the just walk,
but sinners stumble in them.

Hmm..... Seems to me like God was telling me to pray for my brothers and sisters in Lebanon and Israel.

For the civilians:

Friday's attacks killed three civilians, police said, bringing the death toll in Lebanon since Wednesday to 61 people, nearly all of them civilians. At least 165 people have been wounded. ...

In Lebanon, frightened civilians struggled to flee the airstrikes, an increasingly difficult prospect after the airport was bombed repeatedly and the main highway to Syria was destroyed, leaving remote mountain roads as the only way out of the country. ...

Air raid sirens wailed intermittently throughout Israel's northern border area, amid calls for people to take cover in basements. More than 90 people were treated in local hospitals Thursday, most of them for symptoms of anxiety, officials said.

And for wisdom and compassion on the part of their leaders.

"Straight are the paths of the LORD, in them the just walk, but sinners stumble in them." We certainly seem to be stumbling. Too bad innocent people have to die in the process.

work thoughts

Checking in from my crazy busy life. "New guy" started Monday. Poor guy hasn't had a chance to settle in as we had to plow right into an extremely stressful yet incredibly boring project. We've got a good handle on it, but it's meant we haven't had time for any training on anything else. And while my last day isn't until August 18th, I'm actually going on vacation as of next Thursday to shift Project Pack/Clean/Purge from my office to my humble abode. Then I'll be back for 2 short weeks and then I'm gone!!

The fun thing is that since new guy is sitting at my desk/phone, I'm a migrant worker hopping from desk of vacationing coworker to desk of vacationing coworker. This week I have an office!!! Eleven years in this place and I get an office for a week. It is much easier to concentrate in an office than a cubicle. Next week it's back to a neighboring cubicle.

For the past few weeks I've had many people ask me when my party is. I've been planning a non-work party with my friends for August 12th, but hadn't heard anything about an office party. I'm not a big one for being the center of attention, so I didn't pursue it. When someone would ask I'd just shrug and say, "I don't know, but I'm sure there will be something."

Today my boss asked me when I want my party. I decided it only made sense to have it on my last day. Anything else would be anticlimactic. I decided to just have it be an open drop in kind of thing. I'm sure there will be nun themed items and jokes ... I'll do my best to be a good sport.

Goodbyes are important ... for the one leaving, and those who stay behind.

the world is a mess

I awoke to the news on the radio this morning, and was reminded that we've managed to make quite a mess of our world

Then during my prayer time I read these words of Hosea from today's liturgical readings:

“Sow for yourselves justice,
reap the fruit of piety;
break up for yourselves a new field,
for it is time to seek the LORD,
till he come and rain down justice upon you.”

A good reminder that our God does not cause the mess ... we cause the mess. And collectively we can turn things around so that justice may in fact one day rain upon us. Step one is simply to seek God, to seek good.

A good thought to take into my day.

scanner darkly

Lately I’ve been in a mystery reading phase. Before that it was spiritual reading. Before that it was science fiction. And for a while it was one sci-fi author … Philip K. Dick. The PKD phase blended into my return to Catholicism. Not a coincidence I don’t think. Sci-fi causes one to think, to wonder, and to question. And when you think, wonder and question about the world and the hows and whys of it, I think one natural path would be towards the spiritual as you search out your part in it all. At least that’s how it worked out for me.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" - I Corinthians 13:12

That’s where the title of one of my favorite PKD books comes from, A Scanner Darkly. I’ve been hearing rumors of a film version for years. Turns out, it’s true. Richard Linklater has used live action photography overlaid with an advanced animation process (something called "interpolated rotoscoping") to bring the book to film. PKD books and stories have been made into movies before (Blade Runner/Minority Report for example). Usually the results are disappointing. For one thing, they always try to tack on a happy ending.

What does a scanner see? Does a scanner see into me? Into us? ... Clearly or darkly?" - Bob Arctor in A Scanner Darkly

What does this blogger see? Well, on Sunday I will be seeing "A Scanner Darkly" with my friend K.

reminder

Periodically I find myself wondering if it’s wise to be sharing my neurotic musings about this wonderful yet crazy vocation journey with the blogosphere. Wise or not, I certainly wonder why it is I find it necessary to share them. The pattern I’m noticing is that this questioning usually occurs during a period of nonbloggbale thoughts, times when my feelings about this process are such a mismash (excited/scared/happy/nervous) that I find it hard to bring them from their place of swimming around in my head to keyboard and then screen. But then I usually remember why it was I started this blog in the first place: it was early in my discernment, and I’d been searching the internet for what seemed like ages looking for the “What should Susan do with her life” website, or at least the “How to go from boring bureaucrat to Catholic Sister in 10 days” website to no avail. And then it hit me …. I should share my experience on the odd chance that someone else stumbles upon it and finds it useful. (I know, I know, the Spirit at work).

That’s usually when I get an off-blog e-mail from someone who has been lurking here and wants me to know that my musings have helped them in their discernment or life. Sometimes it’s someone discerning religious life, but not always. Life experiences are really universal when you get down to it.

In any case, I’d like to thank the source of the e-mail who helped me in this way yesterday. Both the woman who wrote the note, and the Spirit who moved her.

Peace to you all. And no worries, I’m going to keep up this crazy blogging experiment. It’s quite obvious to me that’s the message I was meant to get from that e-mail yesterday.

on prayer

'They' say that gratefulness is at the heart of prayer. I think that 'help me' is the most human of prayers. This morning upon waking, my heart was filled with both. In an inexpressible groaning kind of way. God gets it. And that's all that matters.

back to my temporary reality

Hello there. I'm back in Portland. It was a good weekend. I made it home safely. On the way I showed my car to a young relative of one of the groovy sisters who may be interested in buying it. That would make my transition a heck of a lot easier so here's hoping it works out.

Made it back in time for 7pm mass at my parish. I already went to mass last night, but I was feeling the need to spend time with my soon to be former parish.

Now I'm home, where it's hot since the house was closed up while I was gone. Hopefully I can get a good night's sleep as I have a SUPER busy week coming up. New guy starts in the morning. We have a big high pressure project to start off with. And my social schedule is booked too. And I'm cat sitting. Blogging may be light as a result of all, or it may be heavy due to a need to procrastinate or blabber about something or other. Who knows.

It will be weird tomorrow to head into work but have someone else sitting in my cubicle of 8 years!

I'm rambling and being decidedly non-profound or humorous. So I'll just say Good Night Moon.

Susan

busy groovy Friday

It's not even 10pm and I'm beat! If you tried to visit my blog today, blogger decided my blog and apparently my blog only needed to take a break. Not sure what that was about but posting my last post seems to have fixed it. Weird. Maybe my blog was tired too?

Among many other activities today, Chero (the other almost Novice from the west) and I met with our formation director today to finalize plans for our Reception Ceremony on August 26th. That's when we are formally accepted as Novices! We'll get our Peace Crosses (the symbol of our community), our own copies of our groovy constitutions, and the honor of adding Sister to the front and CSJP to the end of our names. If cleaning out my cubicle this week didn't make the big changes ahead for me sink in, this certainly made it all the more real!!

Tonight was a small bridge party at my weekend groovy pad, where I tried (again) to master the rules of bridge which are many and varied. My team won, but there was much coaching going on!

Tomorrow I'm headed across Lake Washington to Groovy Sister HQ for a discernment meeting about what justice areas should be the focus for the province. I'm looking forward to participating in that discussion with a great group!

But for now, time to hit the sack. Hopefully my blog has had enough of a rest and will stay up for a while!

testing

I was away from the blog and it decided to have technical difficulties.

What's up???

Thanks to Jason for the heads up. Maybe this will fix it?

my worlds continue to collide

One weird byproduct of having my vocation status "outed" by the local paper a few months ago is having complete strangers ask me if it's true I'm becoming a nun. I give you the tail end of an actual phone conversation I had today. Keep in mind, this is someone I've never met who had some questions about one of the City programs I administer.

Caller: Thanks for the info … by the way, is it true that you're leaving the City?

Me: Yes it is.

Caller: When is your last day?

Me: August 18th.

Caller: So … is it true that you're leaving to join the nunnery?

Me: [Brief pause trying to figure out what to say to that] Yes, I am leaving the City to become a Catholic Sister.

Caller: 'Catholic Sister' eh? So it's not called a nunnery?

Me: [Decide to give him the real scoop since he asked] Well, while convents were called nunneries in the middle ages, they're not really called that any more. Of course many people think so.

Caller: So … where do you go when you leave the City?

Me: Well, the community of Sisters I'm joining are mostly in the Seattle area, but I'll be heading to New Jersey for a couple of years for the period of training and reflection. [Decided not to confuse him by introducing the new term "novitiate". Plus, I was more than ready for this conversation to be over].

Caller: Two years … wow, that's a big commitment. Have you ever been to New Jersey?

At this point I tried and succeeded to wind the call down.

One big benefit of leaving the City entirely next month will be no longer having complete strangers ask me if I'm joining a nunnery. I try to answer politely as I know they are really just extremely curious. But it gets annoying.

Today is my last day in my cubicle of 8 years. New guy starts Monday, and I'm going to be a migrant worker (using the offices of those on vacation) while I'm training him for the next month. A sad yet happy moment!

confessions of a planner

A friend gave me a book store gift card. I went by the store after dinner this evening and bought myself a new mystery (about all my distracted mind can handle these days), a new journal (with the rubber band type thing around it so I can stuff things inside), and a new datebook.

I just filled up the datebook. Lots of people to see and things to do between now and the end of August. I’ve been distracted and my mind has become like a sieve, so writing things down has become very important.

The only thing is … after September 8, I had nothing to write in the datebook. It’s not that my life won’t be filled with different events and activities once Novitiate starts (even if it is “lockdown” as Steph likes to remind me!). But at this point, I have absolutely no idea what/where/when those events and activities will be.

On the one hand that’s hard for this control freak to handle. But on the other hand, it’s extremely liberating. In any case, it will certainly be different for this planner to not be in a position to plan!

I’m headed up to Seattle for Groovy Sister Reserves tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll check in over the weekend.

Peace Out,
Susan

reruns

Happy 4th of July to all my bloggy friends. Rather than come up with a brilliant original post today, I'm directing you to two previous posts related to this day..

First check out my post last 4th of July on independence, interdependence & obedience. Here's a taste:

Many moons ago when I thoroughly dismissed, repeatedly, the idea of a vocation to religious life my main stumbling block was that pesky vow of obedience thing. Why on earth would I want to give up my independence? Why would I let other people tell me what to do? As my niece Eileen would say, “That’s crazy talk.” Obviously my thinking has evolved on this and I think it centers on community. It’s in community that we really find the freedom to be who we were meant to be – working together to discern God’s will.

Second, around this time last year I wrote about today's Gospel passage where Jesus reminds that he's in the boat with us and everything will be ok:

Is he sleeping on the job we wonder? "Lord, save us! We are perishing!" we cry, trying to wake him up. We're terrified, we have little faith just like the disciples. They were able to nudge Jesus on the shoulder. I imagine him rubbing his groggy eyes, looking around and sighing "Come on. Can't you deal with a little storm. Do you need me to prove to you yet again that things will be ok?" Nice guy that he is, he does and there was once again great calm.

Peace Out,
Susan

priests, nuns and anarchists

Today's Washington Post talks about how money can't buy happiness ... at least after a certain point.

The journal Science reported last week yet more evidence and another theory about why wealth does not make people happy: "The belief that high income is associated with good mood is widespread but mostly illusory," one of its studies concluded. "People with above-average income . . . are barely happier than others in moment-to-moment experience, tend to be more tense, and do not spend more time in particularly enjoyable activities."

Wait, there's more. "The effect of income on life satisfaction seems to be transient," the researchers added. "We argue that people exaggerate the contribution of income to happiness because they focus, in part, on conventional achievements when evaluating their lives and the lives of others."

Wow. Let's pause a moment to let all priests, nuns and anarchists take a bow and say, "I told you so!"

Gotta love that last bit. But I should keep this article handy when people look at me like I'm crazy for moving towards a life of greater simplicity and taking a vow of poverty.

laughter

They say laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes I think laughter is the best prayer too. I’ve always had the feeling that some of what got left out in the gospels (Jesus did much more than is written, John tells us) were some of the lighter moments. I just know Jesus had a wicked sense of humor and I have a suspicion he may have been a practical jokester too. God certainly has an amusing sense of humor in my own life – after all, I am entering the novitiate this fall!

So the world is too wonderful and life is sometimes too funny not to laugh. Then again, I’ve been known to laugh at inappropriate moments …. quite often during mass. This probably stems from sitting between my very funny brothers at mass as a kid – they always made me laugh. It’s always a relief when the homily is funny because then I KNOW it’s ok to laugh. But then there was the time when a favorite priest friend of mine misspoke the Eucharistic prayer and told us that Jesus broke the cup. I couldn’t help but laugh – probably should have just laughed INSIDE!

And then there was last night. I managed to laugh inside. It was during the memorial acclimation. What’s so funny about that you ask? Nothing, except that not two hours earlier my friend Susie had called to tell me that her daughter (my two year old goddaughter) was singing in the back seat of the car. What was she singing you ask??? “Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.” So when we got to that part of the mass, I just had to smile on the outside and laugh deep down inside.

I think God gets the joke.

albert

I'm spending Independence Day weekend gaining independence from my desk. Hence I'm at work on day one of project "De-Susan-fy my cubicle." I'll feel so much better when I can cross this giant task off my pre-novitiate checklist.

Among other things, I cleaned up my bulletin board in my cubicle this afternoon. Underneath the papers I found a post-card of this picture. I'd forgotten about it. It makes me happy.

On that note, time to head home for the day. Not only can I see surfaces ... I cleaned them. Tomorrow I'm going to really sort through some of the papers that haven't seen the light of day in eons.

post it note wisdom rediscovered

Whew!! What a productive morning of De-Susan-fying my office cubicle of the past 8 years worth of paper & clutter. I've found some interesting things. A note that my mom sent me in 1999. Fun pictures. Every pay stub since I started here in 1996 (once I started collecting them it was hard to stop). A box full of mystery keys. And lots and lots of paper that is going to recycling heaven. Still lots more to do, but I'm making progress.

I also found my stash of "post-it-note wisdom." What's that you ask?? Well, work can sometimes drive you crazy and there was a time in my life when I was particularly vulnerable and prone to work anxiety. So I got into the habit of writing down little bits of wisdom that I ran across onto post-it notes which I would tape to my computer monitor. Like little bread crumbs, they would help me find my way back to a place of sanity and spiritual wholeness when I went too far down the path of anxiety or got too caught up in office drama.

The only thing is, rarely did I write down where the words of wisdom came from! So now they're just a hodgepodge of anonymous quotations, except for the scriptural ones. Much of it I think is from Joan Chittister's Online Psalm Journal which I was following for a while. In any case, I thought I'd take advantage of this break in "De-Susan-ification" to share some of my collected wisdom with you, my fair readers. In no particular order:

"God is my strength & my shield. In God my heart trusts" - Psalm 28

"My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope" - Psalm 62

"the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit."

"My God, do not stay far off" - Psalm 38

"What we need is a sense of trust and praise for the obscure parts of our own lives"

"We have to learn to be open to the God of surprise, to the God who is beyond our own designs. We have to learn to let go"

"What we do will follow what we are .. humility is the truth about ourselves. Empty yourself of yourself and you will find God" - Mother Evangelista Gaffney

"If I can still feel the effort of it all - if I find myself wondering if I can go on one more day trying to be faithful, trying to be true; if I can still care; if I love at least five people in my life; if selflessness is my goal, then I'm spiritually alive"

"Help us to put aside false anxiety and to trust in your care for us. Grant us the grace to discern wisely, to act confidently, and to let go courageously"

"As the hind longs for the running waters, so my soul longs for you, O God. Athirst is my soul for God, the living God. When shall I go and behold the face of God?" - Psalm 42

"God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress" - Psalm 46

"Help us to hear the voice of the Spirit in the midst of the tasks and stresses of our daily work."

"To face the elements of the day and keep on going takes a peculiar kind of courage"

"Peace protects me. Peace supports me. Peace is in me. Peace is mine. All is well."

Because it's hot

It's hot and I'm headed into work this Saturday morning to begin project "De-Susan-ification." New guy starts a week from Monday. I've worked in the same exact cubicle for 8 years. You do the math. Much paper and clutter to sort through! So in the mean time, I give you some more blog things courtesy of Leonora ...

Brainy Kid

In high school, you were acing AP classes or hanging out in the computer lab. You may have been a bit of a geek back then, but now you're a total success!

Who Were You In High School?

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?