Unexpected Joy ... Remembering the Joy of My Call to Religious Life

There's an article in NCR about the Papal letter to religious issued in anticipation of 2015, the Year of Consecrated Life. The letter is titled "Rejoice!" but is only in Italian so far so I've not read it, but I did read this in the NCR article:

Preparing for the Year for Consecrated Life, members of religious orders, secular institutes and consecrated virgins are asked to spend a considerable amount of time remembering the joy they felt when they first realized God was calling them.

"Pope Francis has asked us to let our hearts dwell on a freeze-frame of the joy of 'the moment when Jesus looked at me,'" said Cardinal Joao Braz de Aviz and Archbishop Jose Rodriguez Carballo, respectively prefect and secretary of the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life.

When I read this article on my smartphone on the bus on the way to visit my Dad, I immediately flashed back to my moment of unexpected joy, which took place in a very unexpected place ... the women's bathroom on the 1st floor of the Portland City Hall (2nd window to the right of the rotunda on the 1st floor!).

Can't quite picture it? I can't blame you. It's an odd spot for such a moment. But luckily I already shared the moment on the way back machine that is this blog in a post from the days of my discernment entitled "Unexpected Joy." I wrote this when I was applying for candidacy with my now community:

There comes a point in Harry Potter when Harry needs to remember a moment when he was truly happy in order to fend off some foul creatures that want to eat his soul. His first memories weren't strong enough - they were the run of the mill happy. In the end he needed to find a truly joyous moment.

This all got me thinking about a moment when I was very unexpectedly filled with joy. It was back when I was first beginning to stop actively ignoring this tug I was feeling in my heart. I'd starting talking to my pastor about the direction my life was going and where God was calling me. I'd been dancing around the realization that all signs were pointing to religious life. As I think I've written here before, I wasn't too terribly excited about the idea intellectually. But then the joy hit me. In the bathroom at work of all places. I remember looking in the mirror, washing my hands, filled with joy at the wondrous possibility that I could become a Sister. I could use my gifts to serve God and help transform the world. I was literally bursting with joy. I wanted to tell the whole world. Instead I was a good bureaucrat and went back to my desk to what seemed even more like drudgery in comparison to the joyous possibilities that lay ahead for me to explore.

I've got the last part of my groovy sister application coming up on Wednesday - the dreaded psychological evaluation. It'll be fine I know but I am of course somewhat nervous. But, like Harry, I'm planning to hold on to the memory of this joyous moment in the bathroom to see me through.

Of course, little did I know there's a bit of drudgery in every life, even when it's your calling. But the joy is still there, bubbling up sometimes more than others, but always present, especially when I am with my Sisters or working for peace through justice or using my talents and gifts in little ways to serve God and help transform the world. And that, my friends, is pure gift!

Putting On my Bowling Shoes

Young Nun Valentine's Day Fun

Many moons ago, before the thought of becoming a Catholic Sister ever entered my mind, I was a run of the mill bureaucrat working a fairly boring government job with some great people.  Every month or so, we'd head out after work to go bowling.  It was a blast.  I'm not a very good bowler, but with this bunch of people, some of whom were excellent bowlers and one a former state champion, it was fun.  What wasn't so fun was renting shoes.  You see, I'm tall and as my mother was fond of saying, tall girls have big feet. So more often then not, I'd end up renting men's shoes.  Eventually the thought of renting shoes that had to be sanitized before each user led me to buy my own pair of bowling shoes.  Shortly thereafter, for reasons that I've been told are entirely unrelated to my purchase, we stopped our regular bowling outings.  But I still had these snazzy black suede bowling shoes.  As a result, in the decade + since I bought my own pair of bowling shoes, they have been used sparingly.  Yet whenever there is a chance to practice my not-so-good bowling skills, either on a visit with my niece who was living in Europe at the time or with my CSJP Sisters on St. Joseph's Day, my shoes and I are there.

I packed my shoes when I moved to Chicago to go to grad school.  And tonight I'm happy to report that they came off the shelf for a night of young nun bowling.  I have a good group of friends from Giving Voice, younger religious from different communities, who are living here in Chicago.  Tonight three of us went out bowling to celebrate Valentine's Day.  I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend the evening.  Was I a superstar bowler? No.  But I'm satisfied with my respective scores of 84 and 85.  As one of my friends who is a pretty good bowler said, at least I'm consistent!  An added bonus was to discover that there was also a skeeball machine at the bowling alley.  I only played two games of skeeball but earned a 220 and a 180.  I'm a much better skeeball player than I am a bowler!

Soon I'm hoping to give my shoes another test drive with some seminarian friends of mine from the philosophy class I took last Semester.  And who knows, there might be some more young nun bowling in my future as well!

All in all this was a good night to cap off a pretty intense first week of the Spring Semester.  I'm taking some GREAT classes, but the topics are pretty serious: Ethics of Power and Racism; Ministry, Spirituality and Human Rights Abuse Survivors; Methods in Theology & Ethics; and Sexual Ethics.  I think I might need something like periodic bowling outings to help decompress from all deep conversations and heavy reading lists!

Dear Rahm -- or the saga of my attempt to file a City of Chicago Police Report

This is going into the mail in the morning ....

January 3, 2013

Mayor Rahm Emanuel

City of Chicago

121 N LaSalle Street
Chicago City Hall 4th Floor
Chicago, IL 60602

Dear Mayor Emanuel:

I am a new resident of the great City of Chicago.  I moved here last fall to begin studies at the Catholic Theological Union in Hyde Park. I have enjoyed the beautiful City parks and welcoming spirit of the City and have generally been pleased with my move.

However, today I had my first direct interaction with City government, and I was not impressed.  While I am now a Catholic Sister of St. Joseph of Peace, before I professed my vows I spent 11 years working in municipal administration for the City of Portland, Oregon.  I share this tidbit because I believe it illustrates that I both understand the reality of overworked employees and understand how the system works.  I believe my family and friends would say that I am the last person to offer an undeserved anti-government “rant.” Yet I also firmly believe that my experience today is troublesome.  Hence, I am sharing it with you and your administration.

This afternoon I was the victim of a pickpocket who stole my wallet and telephone while I was enjoying a cup of coffee and cookie at the Bonjour Bakery Café in Hyde Park.  After cancelling my credit cards (which had already been used by the thieves) and stopping my cellular phone account, I called the police non-emergency number to report the theft.

Thirty five minutes, 5 transfers and 2 lectures later, I was the proud recipient of a police report number.  However, it took great persistence, perseverance, patience and a thick skin to be able to file my report.  I did not feel respected or believed, nor did I feel that the government employees on the other end of the phone had any interest in assisting me.

When I told the first individual who answered the non-emergency number that I wanted to report that my wallet and telephone were stolen, I was put on hold.  A few minutes later, I found myself speaking with another person.  I told this person the same thing, and was transferred to yet another person.  This third person asked me if I knew who stole my wallet and phone.  I told this person that I did not personally know them, but that the staff at the bakery had checked the surveillance tape and while the video did not catch them in the act, it did show the two men who were standing behind me in the café and most likely stole the wallet and telephone.  He said I needed to speak with a detective and transferred me again.  The next person who answered the phone was very angry at me when I told my story about wanting to report a stolen wallet and phone.  “Why are you calling 911!?,” he asked.  I said that I had called 311, about 15 minutes earlier, and that after several transfers I had ended up with him.  We went around and around again about the video, and he decided that I did not need 911.  He lectured me again for calling 911.  I again indicated as politely as possible that I understood this was not an emergency which is why I had called the non-emergency number.  I then asked him asked him to transfer me to someone who would take my police report.  He transferred me back to 311 where I was put on hold for about 10 more minutes.

Finally I received a human being who seemed willing to take my police report.  However, she again asked me if I had seen the person steal the wallet.  I explained that the wallet and phone had been in my coat pocket, and that I had been sitting on my coat in the café and about 20 minutes later realized my wallet was gone.  I told her that I had spoken with the staff at the café and they checked the video surveillance which they said showed two men standing behind me who were acting “strangely.” When I said that I believed they stole my wallet and phone, she asked derisively if I saw them both put their hands in my pocket, or if the video showed the two men put their hands in my pocket.  When I indicated that as far as I knew the camera was aimed at eye level and not my hip, she said that all she could do was report the wallet as lost.

At this point I was frustrated, so I will admit that I got a little bit snippy and said in exacerbation, “Well then it is interesting that my lost debit card made it to Target within the next 45 minutes and tried to charge more than $600 all by itself.” I had already called the bank who had told me that several small charges had cleared but they had put on a fraud alert for this large charge.  This finally got the attention of the clerk, and I was able to file a police report.

This experience has led me to wonder whether the crime statistics for the City of Chicago are accurate.  If other law abiding citizens have experiences as challenging as mine, I suspect that more than a few give up before they are ever able to navigate the system and that the crime statistics are greatly underreported. I hope that you and your staff are working to improve this crime reporting system and providing customer service training to those who answer the non-emergency line.

Thank you for reading my letter and for all you and your staff do for Chicago residents.  I hope that my next interaction with the City of Chicago is more positive.

Sincerely,

Sister Susan Rose Francois, CSJP

CC: Garry F. McCarthy, Superintendent of Police

Another Susan Francois

I have a google alert for "Susan Francois" which stems from my days as a glorified bureaucrat. It would alert me to check the paper when my name was mentioned talking about boring bureaucratic things (or sometimes not so boring). I guess I still have the alert, and lately it's been HOPPING.

You see, there's a woman named Susan Francois in Trinidad Tobago. I'm guessing she pronounces it the French way, where as my family of german origin pronounces it in a way that rhymes with turquoise. I've known about her for a long time, because she was the Registrar General of Trinidad Tobago and occasionally I'd get a google alert about some boring bureaucratic thing from her life as Susan Francois, glorified bureaucrat.

Well, it's gotten much more interesting of late, with a flurry of alerts ... 3 alone today! It seems she was appointed to another position and there are some who think it was less than by the book, her appointment that is. There's a hint of scandal in all of the articles. She's now something called the Director of the Financial Intelligence Unit. Sounds important, doesn't it? Maybe that's why there is such an uproar.

A few days ago there was an article quoting some government official, outraged at the appointment saying, "I don't know who she is." She then released a statement saying that she tutored his daughter in law school, so she thought he should know who she is. Today she released a statement saying she is eminently qualified for the position. I have no idea what's what, I'm just following the brouhaha about my name twin. Fascinating stuff.

Bureaucratic Past, meet Religious Life Present

As a little girl, I never wanted to become a nun. To be honest the notion was probably back there somewhere in my subconscious. Instead, weird as it may seem, I always wanted to be a bureaucrat, a civil servant, a public employee. Honestly.

It might help to explain this odd vocational desire to know that I grew up in a political family. My father was a local elected official. My mother worked on Capitol Hill. I grew up going to campaign events and understanding how a bill became a law long before I saw it illustrated in cartoon form on Schoolhouse Rock. Political office wasn't my thing, but making the world a better place as a part of the government seemed like my calling.

So I went to summer camps with names like "Critical Thinking" and "Leadership Development" in middle and high school. I went away to college and majored in political science. I interned in the Mayor's Office. After college, I took the civil service test and got a job as a street level bureaucrat with the City Auditor's Office.

Eight years later I was a glorified bureaucrat in charge of our municipal elections, aka regulations and red tape, with the occasional law suit and scandal thrown in. I had a government pension and if I stayed on the path I was on, I was sure to rise in the bureaucratic ranks until I was able to retire at the young age of 53. Everything I'd always wanted was right there waiting for me ... or was it?

You see, while my government job was becoming the career I thought I'd always wanted, I also started to connect my faith life with my desire to make the world a better place. I became the ultimate peace and justice church geek and through a complicated process that only made sense through the grace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit, I realized that I wasn't called to be a bureaucrat after all. Instead this wonderfully crazy thing called religious life started to make more and more sense.

Flash forward five years. I'm a vowed member of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace. I'm realizing more and more that we bring our stories with us. All of those things I learned on my path to becoming a bureaucrat come in handy in my current ministry at a peace and justice center. Today was a case in point. I was asked to testify in support of some human trafficking legislation at the State Capitol today. It was fun to tap back into my bureaucratic past in my religious life present, advocating for legislation on behalf of the poor and marginalized.

God's ways are certainly mysterious ... my job it seems is to trust and go along for the ride.

Vocational Musings

In today's Gospel, we see one version of Peter's (Simon in this Lucan version) vocational call from Jesus:

While the crowd was pressing in on Jesus and listening to the word of God, he was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret. ... After he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch."

Simon said in reply, "Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets." When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. ...

Jesus said to Simon, "Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men." When they brought their boats to the shore, they left everything and followed him.

This reading always reminds me of a talk I watched on video when I was a candidate, by Timothy Radcliffe, OP. I think he was talking to the National Vocation Conference, if I'm not mistaken. Radliffe talked about how a call to a religious vocation isn't really a break from who you are at the moment you hear the call, but rather an invitation into a further transformation into who God is calling you to be. The transformation builds upon everything that has happened to you so far. For example, Simon (a fisherman) was transformed by Jesus into a fisher of people. St. Francis was transformed from a troubadour of love songs to a troubadour for God. St. Ignatius was transformed from a soldier to a soldier for God.

I remember my heart stopping as I sat on my couch watching the video. Did that mean God was calling me - at the time a bureaucrat - to be a bureaucrat for God?? All my grand romantic ideas of a religious vocation went briefly out the window! It's now more than five years since I first watched that video, and yet that thought keeps coming back to me - especially as I use my administrative, policy and organizing skills in my peace and justice ministry as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

As much as I joke about being "God's bureaucrat," I think there's a lot of truth to that. God is calling me, with all my administrative and red tape cutting/creating skills, to follow along on this wonderful crazy journey.The key point to remember I think is that God is doing the calling, and God knows what God is doing. My job - in a spirit of prayer an discernment - is to look to my heart and answer accordingly.

blast from the past

Last Friday, I was able to visit with some friends at my old place of employment .... Portland's City Hall. You see, before I became a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace, I was a glorified bureaucrat. Or a not so glorified bureaucrat as the case may be. For 11 years I worked for the City Auditor's Office, eight of those years as City Elections Officer. I worked with a great group of people who I am still honored to call my friends, and I was always proud of the work we accomplished for the public with efficiency, integrity and when possible, a smile. I'm happy I've moved on, but I'm also I've stayed connected with folks.

The funny (or not so funny) thing is, the day before I drove down to Portland for the weekend, the internets told me that my name was in the Oregonian. You see, my job at the City was medium profile, so I had set up a google alert that sends me an e-mail everytime my name is in the paper. Usually it's a bogus combination of "Susan" and "Francois" (the french first name, as opposed to my last name which rhymes with turquoise) that has nothing to do with me. This time, it did. It was an editorial by a former City candidate who I guess is now a columnist. It had to do with the public campaign finance system for City elections that my office implemented in my last year or two at the City. He was opposed to public financing, but apparently he's changing his mind. But first, he had this to say...

To be sure, voter-owned elections' track record hasn't been good. The first time around, a signature gatherer's fraud resulted in the funding of one candidate to be disallowed and another's disqualified before funding. When the fraud was discovered by The Oregonian's Anna Griffin, Blackmer went underground and the city's elections officer, Susan Francois, quit her job and became a nun. And $130,000 of city funds will likely never be recovered.

Apparently, I've entered the mythology of City Hall.

For the record (again), the mini campaign finance scandal of 2006 had nothing to do with my vocation story. Except perhaps for making the moment of my last day a little more joyful! I met the community in 2004, became a candidate in 2005 (the nun kind, not the elections kind), and gave my notice so they could start the hiring process for my replacement in March of 2006, months before the election!

Anyway ... as it happens, there was a going away party for my old boss, the elected City Auditor, that I was able to attend while I was in town this weekend. He's apparently leaving to become the State Auditor. They had pizza and beer in City Hall Friday night, and I was able to visit with some more old friends. One friend introduced me to a new coworker by saying, "This is Susan. She used to be City Elections Officer. Until ..." and then she looked at me, wanting me to finish the story. "I left three years ago to become a nun," I said. The woman looked at me, wide eyed, and then figured it was a joke. She laughed. "No really," I said. "I'm a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace. I live in Seattle now and work for a peace and justice advocacy nonprofit." "Oh," she said. "That's cool," as she took a sip of her drink.

I guess it is kind of an unusual story .... but I'm sticking to it!

Catholic Social Teaching in the Real World

I suppose it is because I spent 11 years working in City Hall, but I was intrigued by this article in the current issue of America: A Theologian in Town Hall: How a small-town mayor implemented Catholic Social Teaching.

As the daughter of a Catholic elected official who herself spent many years slogging through local government, I know that most people are there to do good. Many are guided by their own religious or spiritual beliefs as well. Of course, in our American system which values the separation of church and state, this always carries some potential challenges.

What I like about this article is that it is down to earth and practical rather than pie in the sky ...

First, I learned that service as an elected official or as an appointee to a board or committee is a rich opportunity for Christian witness. Here one can directly affect the way taxes are raised and spent and create opportunities for employment, education and job training; one can work to ensure that affordable housing is provided and that building codes, safety and health standards are enforced. Above all I came to see such service as a vital way the baptized can heed the call of the Second Vatican Council to seek “the kingdom of God by engaging in temporal affairs and directing them according to God’s will.” In this way, too, U.S. Catholics can practice what our bishops have come to call “faithful citizenship.”

But my time as mayor also gave me insight into some of the individual things that must be attended to if our collective institutions are to be humanized. And while most of what I learned was hardly revolutionary, my experience proved that St. Thérèse, the Little Flower, had it absolutely right: it is in the practice of love in the small details that we really begin to redirect the world to God’s purposes.

For those seeking ideas about how to pursue the work of social justice locally, I recommend looking to four important aspects of community life. Read more here.

The author doesn't pretend to have all the answers. Instead, she poses some of the questions that those of us desiring to answer the call to faithful citizenship might want to ponder.

I have left my position of semi-responsibility within the government and chosen a different path. However, as a Catholic, as a religious, and as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace, that doesn't mean that I'm no longer engaged in the public sphere. Quite the contrary! As our Constitutions say:

Recalling Jesus' identification with the prophetic tradition,
we develop a critical, sensitive, conscience
regarding religious, social, cultural,
economic, and political realities,
and we direct our efforts
to actions which bring peace through justice. (CSJP Constitution 23).

Easy, right??? Well, not exactly. But reading this article reminded me that there are plenty of other folks striving to do the same thing in their own spheres of life. And together, only God knows what we can do!

leap year

I realized this afternoon that this is my first leap day in about 12 years that I haven't participated in a leaping frog race!

What am I going on about??? Well, I spent 11 years of my adult life working in the same office doing the same types of bureaucratic things, albeit with varying levels of responsibility over the years.

But what I loved about work was what came along every few months ... the office parties. And perhaps the most fun party* was the every-4-years leap year party. Our Leap Year Party always featured a bad poetry contest and a leaping frog race- using the toy pictured to the right and our long conference table. It was always such a joy watching grown ups pump the little plastic pump trying to get their frog to jump quickly in a straight line. I almost always ended up in hysterics.

I found myself wondering today if they had the party this year. I hope they did. In fact, I sent an e-mail to my old boss (who was usually the mastermind behind our parties) to see how it went.

*A close tie for most fun party was the one I orchestrated for Boss Appreciation Week one year. It turned out that both my boss (the one who always planned our parties) and her boss were not only out of town, but out of the country during Boss's week that year. I had the brilliant idea to have a Boss Appreciation party without them! Lest you think no work was done, the party was really just an afternoon break with snacks. But we did take a picture of our party, which I turned into cards that we posted on both of their doors. The caption on the cards said ... "Happy Boss's week ... Wish You'd Been Here!"

Happy as I am on my current path in life and as happy as I am not to be a bureaucrat anymore, there are things I miss. Auditor's Office parties are one!

Vote

If you live in a Super Tuesday state, please remember to vote tomorrow.

(While I do have my personal opinion on which candidate I think would be best for the most vulnerable in our Country and across the globe and to bring our nation together, I'll leave those opinions off the blog. This is a non-partisan get out the vote announcement! Once an elections officer, always an elections officer I suppose!)

Answering

In today's Gospel reading we hear:

As he passed by the Sea of Galilee,
he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting their nets into the sea;
they were fishermen.
Jesus said to them,
“Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
Then they left their nets and followed him.
He walked along a little farther
and saw James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John.

They too were in a boat mending their nets.
Then he called them.
So they left their father Zebedee in the boat
along with the hired men and followed him.

This reading always reminds me of a talk I watched on video a few years ago by Timothy Radcliffe, OP. I think he was talking to the National Vocation Conference, if I'm not mistaken. Radliffe talked about how a call to a religious vocation isn't really a break from who you are at the moment you hear the call, but rather an invitation into a further transformation into who God is calling you to be. The transformation builds upon everything that has happened to you so far. For example, Andrew & Simon (fishermen) were transformed by Jesus into fishers of people. St. Francis was transformed from a troubadour of love songs to a troubadour for God. St. Ignatius was transformed from a soldier to a soldier for God.

I remember my heart stopping as I sat on my couch watching the video. Did that mean God was calling me - at the time a bureaucrat - to be a bureaucrat for God?? All my grand romantic ideas of a religious vocation went briefly out the window! It's now almost two and a half years since I first watched that video, and yet that thought keeps coming back to me - especially so as I begin to more seriously discern what types of ministry I am being called to consider after temporary profession.

As much as I joke about being "God's bureaucrat," I think there's a lot of truth to that. God is calling me, with all my administrative and red tape cutting/creating skills, to follow along on this wonderful crazy journey. At this point I don't really know where the path is leading me. Chances are it will include some administrative work at some point - bureaucracy is in my genes after all. Hopefully it will also include some other new and more exciting things, not to mention to other sides of me (like justice organizing and writing). But the point to remember I think is that God is doing the calling, and God knows what God is doing. My job - in a spirit of prayer an discernment - is to look to my heart and answer accordingly.

work thoughts

It's been over a year since I quit my job as City Elections Officer. I had a sort of love-hate relationship with the job. I loved the people I worked with, I enjoyed creating and implementing new programs, but it sucked out all of my energy and didn't always make me the nicest person. Plus towards the end, and especially after the fiasco in Florida and our own campaign finance scandal, elections officer wasn't the funnest job in the world.

I found myself checking out the City website today to see if tomorrow was the day I thought it was ... the first day to file for office for next May's Primary. Portland is a kooky city and tends to have an "interesting" assortment of folks running for office, in part because the filing fee is only $30 for City Council and $50 for mayor. But also just because, as the bumper sticker says, Portland is a weird place and proud of it. One year I actually had a clown running for office. Anyway, I found myself thinking about my replacement and wishing him luck with the start of filing season. I even sent him an e-card, which will probably just have him thinking I'm weird! :)

Next week I'm going to start active full time ministry for the first time in over a year! This past year has had its up and downs, but one of the highs was definitely having time away from the rat race to work on my relationship with the big guy. For the next 3 months I'll be working at a day center for the homeless in London during my first "ministry experience" of my novitiate ministry year. The idea is to take my experiences from this past year of retreat and see how I can balance my life of active ministry with my life of prayer. We'll see how that goes!

My Sister Act Moment

We interrupt this blog break to share with you ... My Sister Act Moment.

Chances are you’ve seen the movie Sister Act with Whoopi Goldberg. You know the one – a show girl from Vegas (or was it Reno) witnesses a murder and is given refuge in a convent to protect her from the bad guys until the trial. While there, Whoopi – now christened Sr. Mary Clarence - learns that nuns are people too, revamps the choir and helps bring lots of people into or back to the church in the process.

I’ve had a Sister Act moment myself this past week while I’ve been away from the blog. No, I haven’t developed a sudden singing talent or been involved in any unconventional evangelization techniques. I did leave the Novitiate for a few days to testify at a felony trial, however.

No need to go into details about the trial here (the trial is actually continuing - but my part is done.) Suffice it to say it’s a blast from my bureaucratic past. The events in question took place in the Spring of 2006. During my last week at work in August I spent the good part of a day meeting with the detectives on the case. Last fall I testified to the Grand Jury by written affidavit, but they needed me live and in person for the actual trial. Hence, when the subpoena was issued a few months ago, it wasn’t a surprise. My community has also been really understanding. I’ve kept them in the loop about the possibility since last summer, so when the subpoena arrived they ok’d my time away from the novitiate.

Aside from the very interesting experience of being an “expert” witness – I was on the stand for about an hour – the trip was extremely useful discernment wise. As careful readers have probably picked up, I’ve been feeling a bit homesick the past few months. I’ve also had a number of unbloggable challenges, mostly involving personality differences, community living and adjustment to religious life. In and of themselves each challenge has been small and manageable, but piled one on top of the other in the context of the liminal space of the novitiate they at times seem almost overwhelming.

Which is why I found it very interesting to return home to my good friends and realize that even if my life of late has been a bit stressful and overwhelming, it’s nothing compared to how stressed and overwhelmed my friends and former coworkers are. And by extension, nothing compared to how overwhelmed and stressed I used to be in my former life. This caused me to wonder – what’s the difference? And I think the difference is part of the mystery of this calling to religious life. Even at those moments this past year when I’ve been sad or lonely or frustrated with various and sundry little things, deep down I’ve been at peace. Deep down I’ve been centered. Deep down I’ve been connected to something bigger, to someone bigger. (Not to mention those other awesome moments where I am happy and calm and excited about all the amazing bits of this wonderful crazy life.)

I love Portland. I love my friends. I love my old parish. I love the connections and roots I’ve developed there and the person I became during my 16 years there. In short, it’s home. But this week helped confirm that it’s not where I’m meant to be, at least not at this point in my life. I’m being called to stretch and to grow in new ways, in new places and with new people. That was a very good realization to come to as I prepared to head back to New Jersey and the Novitiate. My last few weeks and months living there were so frantic and crazy, I wasn’t really able to come to closure. I feel so very blessed to have had the opportunity to spend this week back home to visit with folks and arrive at that closure, all while doing my civic duty.

Well, that’s all I wanted to write for now. I’m going to be away from the blog for at least another week. Now that my Sister Act moment is over, I’m headed to our retreat house on the shore for a week. Assuming I make it home that is – I’m stranded in Dallas right now where my connecting flight was cancelled. Hopefully I’m make it home Saturday, and then on Sunday I’ll head to the shore. I’m not going on retreat or vacation – I’m volunteering – but I think it will be a good relaxing week helping out our Sisters there nonetheless.

See you all in a bit!

it is finished

Confession ... I wrote this post months ago to help me get through the last push of my bureaucratic life.

Today, August 18th was my last day as an employee of "the man" - namely, the City of Portland, Oregon Auditor's Office. I've avoided giving many details about my work life on the blog, wary on the one hand of those repercussions you hear about by employers against blogging employees. But mostly, it's just that my job has been occasionally semi-high profile and I didn't really want people to know that I'm me, if you know what I mean. My cover was of course blown a few months ago when I was selected "Rogue of the Week" by the local weekly paper for doing my bureaucratic duty and then outed as a Nun-to-Be by the same paper a few weeks later, which included a link to the blog. The passing of time has mellowed my feelings on that particular incident in my life, but it's still the number two hit if you google me - the blog having recently moved to number one!

In any case, I now no longer work for the City so I can say whatever I'd like. Especially as I'm skipping town any day now to begin my new life (where one might say I plan to work for THE man - J.C.).

Looking back on my 10 years and almost 9 months of public employment, what am I most proud of?

• Helping to create the first municipal system of full public campaign financing in the United States. For better or worse, the way we now elect our City officials has changed and has my fingerprints all over it. Of course towards the end it resulted in my rogue-dom and some minor scandals, but still it was a pretty tremendous undertaking & accomplishment.
• Working with over 120 candidates for City office (40 of them in one election back in 2004) - making sure they follow all the rules, cross their t's, dot there i's. (The numbers don't do them justice - we attract a cast of characters. Literally. One year a clown was running for Mayor.)
• Overseeing 9 ballot measure campaigns and working with a number of citizens as they navigated Oregon's initiative and referendum system.
• Migrating the publication of our City Code & Charter to the internet - this one was a real team effort but I played a key part. Now our citizens have 24 hour access to our laws.
• Creating the online Portland Policy Documents, the first ever compilation of all our City's policies and administrative rules. Again, the 24 hour access thing.
• Starting our office Cinco de Mayo Party. Mexican food. Mock Margaritas. Fun. And it will continue I'm sure years after I'm gone.
• Helping citizens decode our democratic system and cut through the red tape.
• Winning the office Halloween Costume party costume contest once as an individual(Vegas Elvis complete with white jump suit - yes there are pictures, they ended up on the goodbye party invite - no you can't see them) and once as a work group (we were the Magic 8 ball in action).

There's lots I'll be happy to no longer deal with on a daily basis. Disgruntled citizens, pointless bureaucracy, office politics, working under a microscope, being the subject of lawsuits, and being quoted in the paper to name a few. But I've grown, I've changed, and I've learned a lot in this job. One might say it's where I grew up.

And now it's finished. Whew!

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Nine!

It’s Friday. Today’s my last day as a bureaucrat and I have one week before I become “Sr. Susan.” My friend Jason has one day left before he enters the Jesuit Novitiate (check out his blog for what types of conversations that leads to). We did what all wise novices-to-be would do in similar situations and watched X-Men 3.

On a more serious note, I can’t really describe the mishmash of emotions I’m feeling as I face tomorrow. On the one hand I’ve been looking forward to this day for years. My path to discerning religious life started 3 plus years ago when I realized I was bored with my career of choice. That in turn gave me the freedom to start to hear this call. But on the other hand, I’ve always been a government worker, or else I was in college studying to be a government worker and before that I used to play in my mother and father’s offices while they were government workers. This is a big shift for me. An identity change. And so I pray as I head out for one last day…

God of all that is and all that was and all that will be, guide us as we navigate this day. Help us to be present in the moment and to look forward in hope, trust and faith to what is coming around the bend. May the partings be sweet and the party enjoyable for all. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Eight

Two days left at work. Wow! That was a long way coming, and yet it snuck up on me. And so I pray …

Christ, our peace and our strength, your call to each of us is the same – “Follow Me” – though the paths are different. I am approaching a rather large fork in the road on my journey with you. Tomorrow I will say goodbye to my career and my coworkers of 11 years. This is not sudden. It has been on the radar for more than 2 years. I am not having cold feet or second thoughts, but that doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye. Be with me. Grant that I may feel the peace and strength that comes from you as I drop my bureaucratic nets to answer your call. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Seven

Three days to go. And so I pray …

Spirit of Life, I thank you humbly for those times you have worked through me. Sometimes I went with the flow, sometimes I resisted all the way, but you were always present in ways I could only occasionally discern. Help all those I work with and those we serve to feel your presence in their lives and in the workplace, in accord with their own spiritual traditions. May they come to know your love and live the gift of life joyfully. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Six

Well, it’s back to my temporary reality this morning (work that is). 4 more days. And so I pray on this Feast of the Assumption for the strength and grace to continue saying “Yes” to all that I am and all I am called to be:

God of hope and promise, today begins my last week of life as Susan Rose, Civil Servant. As I look forward to all the wonderful (and unknown) possibilities that lie ahead, help me to be joyfully present in the here and now. As the end comes nearer, this becomes more and more difficult. I am ready to move on, but not quite yet. Bless these last days. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Five

It’s Friday, which is a good thing. Yesterday was quite a taxing day, and I still have lots to do at home as well. And so I pray …

Healing God, truth be told I’m a bit weary of the work-a-day grind. May the coming weekend bring rest and rejuvenation to get me through my last week as Susan Rose, Civil Servant. That’s about all I’ve got in me at the moment, but you know what I mean and so the rest can go unsaid. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Four

Thursday marks the 4^th day of my Bureaucratic Novena, which means I have 6 days left including today. I’m wearing jeans today and am going to tackle the files. Which makes me think back over the years. I’ve worked on so many projects, but all along I think God was working on a little project called “Susan Rose.” And so I pray …

Patient God, thank you for being gentle and taking things slow with me. When I think back to the young woman I was 11 years ago starting her first job and look at all that lies ahead for me now, I can’t help but see your hand at work. You knew that I needed to take it slow, and that I needed a safe place to grow and one day spread my wings. Despite all the difficulties, occasional unpleasantness and annoyances, this has been that place. And so I thank you, and look forward in hope, a little trepidation, and trust. Amen.