So, my performance evaluation went a-ok. It was super in fact. My supervisor said she’s really enjoyed this year working with me, that my attitude has greatly improved and that I’ve done great work on some high level projects. All true I suppose, but it comes down to perspective. I see all that I could be doing, all that I’m capable of and not doing. I see my lack of interest and how much I slack off due to the aforementioned lack of interest. In the end though I guess if they’re happy with this level of attention than I guess I should perhaps stop feeling guilty and realize I’m doing the best I can do UNDER the circumstances. It is a struggle sometimes.
I ran into a friend of mine at the grocery store the other day. She’s a "groovy sister" from a different order who has been a companion to me on this journey. I think I also give her some hope for the future. Anyway, we were talking about my applying for candidacy and what next year might look like for me. And then she said, "It must take a lot of energy. Discerning, but also keeping your feet in two different worlds. That’s quite a balancing act." A light went off. It DOES take a lot of energy. It is in fact a balancing act. No wonder it’s a struggle sometimes.
All in all though a good day. Come July 1 I’ll get my merit increase so I can pay off my debt a wee bit faster. She also gave me an extra week of vacation, which I plan to take piecemeal to help me continue the never-ending simplification process. Looking around my apartment I’ve still got a long way to go!!!!
Hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the start of summer! I don’t have any summer vacation plans myself so I’ll keep blogging as the Spirit moves.
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