Occasional musings of a Generation X Sister of St. Joseph of Peace. Read along as I live into a life of love and service as a modern day Catholic Sister (aka "nun") and continue to discern my call to "act justly, love tenderly and walk humbly with God."
If you know about kindred spirits, the Rollings Reliable Baking Powder Company and the dangers of currant wine, then this post will make sense.
Sometimes I find myself having Anne Shirley moments.
It might be when my mouth and brain conspire to get ahead of common sense and I say that thing I am actually thinking rather than what should be said in public.
It might be when I spend an afternoon talking about nothing with a good friend, or curl up with a good book, and all is right with the world.
Or it could be like today, when I should be busy about many things, but find myself stopping on a park bench during my morning walk to gaze out at the lake where the sun is making the water glimmer in spots, the birds are playing with the wind, and the waves are quite literally dancing. If Anne Shirley were here, no doubt she would christen Lake Michigan today the "Lake of Dancing Waters."
Sometimes I have Anne Shirley moments, which are really Susan moments, because life is best lived when you let your attention be caught by beauty, make time to soak in the company of kindred spirits, and above all remember that tomorrow is always fresh without any mistakes in it.
I decided to make this Christmas Eve a quiet prayer day. Tomorrow I will spend Christmas Day with family. Today it was just me and God, catching up and getting reacquainted. I decided to make an outing of it, and even though it was frigid outside (barely entering double digits mind you), I drove out to a forest preserve in the suburbs for a walk. Outfitted with my down coat and gloves, long johns, snow boots (and my camera), I found a beautiful spot in the woods. Sun, snow, trees, beauty!
When I came home, before heading out to mass, I created this video prayer reflection to immortalize the day, set to Sufjan Steven's version of "Joy to the World."
Heaven and nature do certainly sing! Despite the cold I felt the calm and peace of God's creation, the sheer beauty in simplicity. I felt centered and connected, loved as we prepare to welcome and celebrate the in-breaking of God's love into our world ... Jesus, God-with-us.
I was reminded of an earlier Christmas Eve walk, this one when I was discerning which religious community to enter and received gift upon gift through contemplation of God's creation. I've written about that walk before, even sharing my journal entry from that momentous day when God's love broke through and guided me to where I found my heart, as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.
Today's Christmas Eve walk did not have any life changing realizations, but instead was simple in its beauty. Taking time away, reconnecting with God and God's creation was what my spirit needed today, and that is gift indeed.
I finished my retreat with a change of scenery, staying at the condo some friends own in the Columbia River Gorge. This is the view of the sunset from their window. Amazing!
Speaking of amazing, God's creative power is truly amazing. Not only in the past, creating such incredible landscapes as the Columbia River Gorge, but daily. From the simple meadow of flowers,
to the regular rhythm of our daily lives, God's saving action in our world continues. These are some of the thoughts that I reflected on during the last days of my retreat on some meditative walks through the bounty of God's creation. I took lots of photos, but to be honest my camera wasn't quite able to capture the majesty of the beauty. At one point I found myself asking in awe and wonder, "How did you create all of this?". A rhetorical question if ever there was one, but the answer it seems was not how but why. And the why was perhaps the grace of this retreat for me: Delight. God's delight in you, in me, in us, in all of creation! What a gift, to be invited to to stop, to listen, and to lean into that delight.
The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a might savior,
Who will rejoice over you with gladness,
and renew you in his love,
Who will sing joyfully because of you. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Amen. Alleluia. And so I end these quiet days refreshed in body, mind, soul and spirit, deeply grateful for my good, gracious, playful God.
It was pure grace making a private retreat at the Oregon Coast where many of the pivotal moments of my faith journey have been set. This wondrous spot of beauty--I often say God had loads of fun making this place where mountains and forest meet ocean--is a convenient drive from Portland where I lived in my 20s and early 30s.
Before I came back to the active practice of the Catholic faith of my childhood, I would spent quiet solitary weekends at the coast. In the quiet, quite unexpectedly, I found God.
After I miraculously found myself attending Church each week--and becoming an RCIA sponsor, Sunday School teacher, peace and justice commission chair, and pastoral council member to boot--I had far fewer free weekends to spend on the coast. But there were a few memorable ones.
Like the time I was walking along the beach and, wham, from out of nowhere, came the idea, the thought, the inkling ... "Susan, you should be a Catholic Sister." Hold on there, what was that? Me? Sure I'd come back to the church in a big way, but me, a nun? No way. With each crashing wave, the thought became harder to ignore. So, I decided it was too cold to walk on the beach anyway and went to the little coffee shop instead to drink a warm beverage and read the paper. Guess what one of the lead stories was in the New York Times? Yep, something about the renewal of women's vocations to religious life in the Catholic Church. No joke. I didn't sign up right away. It took awhile longer.
There were other solitary weekends, including some after my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and then after she died. The ocean has soaked up some of my tears. The rhythm of the waves ... in and out ... echoed the memories of my mom. She so loved the ocean. She would watch the waves for hours on end, a habit I've picked up from her. God's persistent love, like the waves, washes over me. Again and again.
There were retreats, including a vocation retreat just down the road from where I made my retreat this week with a group of sisters that I ended up not joining (even if they own a house right on the ocean!). It was an important moment in my vocation journey though, and helped me to realize that I am meant to be a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.
On the third day of this year's annual retreat, I wasn't necessarily thinking of all these pivotal moments. But walking on the beach where so many of them took place, the stage was set. My relationship with God in many ways is rooted here. I need God. And God responds to my need, my desire, with God's own love and desire, as big or bigger than the ocean and just as persistent.
There's a song by Ben Kweller called "I Need You Back." It's catchy, and no doubt recounts a break up of the interpersonal kind. Often when I'm driving long distances, this song comes on in my music mix. I usually crank up the volume and belt out the words along with Ben. "Hey! I need you back .... to take away all of my pain, and then my fear. Hey! I need you back .... I'm so lost without you." When I'm singing the song at the top of my lungs, I know it's God that I need.
Back to the ocean. I got some great photos of the waves crashing on the rocks. It seemed a perfect image. I need God, but sometimes God needs to crash over me for me to wake up to God's loving and abiding presence (again). Hard to explain with words ... so here's Ben and some of the photos I took. Enjoy!
This year I made a private retreat with five days at the Oregon Coast and then three days in the Columbia River Gorge. Such wondrous beauty of creation! I'm going to share a few of my retreat notes and pictures over the next few days. It was a graced time to be sure.
On the first full day of my retreat, I went to Sunday mass at the local parish on the coast. Our entrance hymn was "Holy, Holy, Holy." Later that day, I spent a good chunk of quality prayer time just watching the ocean. The song kept coming back to me, but in the hauntingly beautiful version by Sufjan Stevens. I had my camera, so I captured the moment in a video prayer reflection.
"Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty.
All thy works shall praise they name,
In earth and sky and sea."
Indeed. Enjoy!
(If you watch carefully at the end, you'll see that a real live seal makes a cameo appearance. He came almost right up to the shore just to make sure he'd make it into the video!)
Here's a last post about my weekend trip across the mountains. It was summer there, which it is decidedly not in Seattle. It was nice to soak up the sun and assorted beauties.
Waterfront Park, Leavenworth, WA
Wildflower - some sort of rose
Sculpture garden at Riverfront Park, Wenatchee, WA
During my retreat this summer, in conversation with my retreat director, I found myself lamenting the fact that life gets so busy that I rarely have time to just be, pray and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Ministry, study, community, friends, family ... the mix gets surprisingly full. But my retreat director didn't let me off the hook--she challenged me. The end result being that I now have scheduled in my calendar one day of quiet/prayer/away time each month. Some days might be more contemplative and prayerful at home. Other days, like the gorgeous Pacific Northwest August day that was today, I might be more adventurous. Today I spent my quiet day at Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands. And on the Ferry of course, which was a great place to pray in the midst of all the families and friends headed to the Island!
Amazing ...
I feel refreshed and renewed, especially after spending all that time in the fresh air. Here's hoping I manage to keep these sabbath days open on the calendar. I had something that tried to sneak onto my quiet day today, but I managed to keep my commitment to myself (and God).
Well, today I finished my annual summer retreat. As always, it was an amazing gift-an opportunity to step away from the busyness of life into a place of quiet and tremendous beauty. I made this video prayer with pictures from my retreat at Stella Maris Retreat Center, a ministry of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace in Elberon, New Jersey. Enjoy!
It is indeed spring. The birds are chirping--even in the results of this morning's silly blog quiz. Days are getting longer. Thanks to the labor of my gardening housemate, we have tulips and daffodils and other assorted spring blossoms in our front yard. And thankfully, the beautiful blooming trees on our block are almost finished (which means my allergies are almost finished!).
It's also spring quarter. I start my Christian Ethics class this weekend. I've plugged through most of the readings, which were really quite fascinating. I think it's going to be a very interesting class, but we will have to see. Hopefully like the blog quiz says, I'm able to listen attentively.
On that note, must scoot like a chirping bird and get to ready for school.
Spring has sprung. I don't need my sense of sound or sight to tell me ... my allergies are enough! There are so many beautifully blooming trees around me that I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for more than a month! I still love spring, even if my sinuses and lungs don't!
Spring quarter starts this weekend. I'm taking a class that is held over two weekends this quarter. As a result, all of my free time has been spend reading the assigned reading on moral theology and Christian ethics!
I used to think that the Pacific Northwest was the only place where everything shuts down with 3 inches of snow. There are others ... London for example. And even my own Washington, DC shuts down after about a foot. Glad that we have the company, because after 20 years in the Northwest, I've come to expect that more than an inch means I'll be stuck at home for a bit.
In Portland, the winds off the Columbia River Gorge make everything extremely icey. In Seattle, the hills are what do us in. This morning for example I thought I could take the bus 2 miles down the very steep hill to my office. Seemed much wiser than driving myself or walking. But after trekking to the main street, which is supposed to be a snow route and plowed and iced, all I found was an icey and snowey street and a sign "Do not enter, slow closure," placed modestly in the middle of the street at the top of the hill.
I came home and looked up the snow route for my bus. All it said was, "This route is currently on an unplanned snow route; there is no map or additional specific information about this reroute." This of course left me wondering how on earth you were supposed to figure out where the reroute was, so I decided to work from home.
Yes, I live less than 2 miles away and couldn't get to work. I suppose I could have put chains on my tired and drives, but I don't trust the other drivers to know how to NOT hit me in this weather. I could have walked, but the icey hill was not appealing. So in the end staying home seemed the wiser option.
I've just come back from a nice afternoon walk. The main street is indeed now salted and plowed, and I saw a bus go by that said "Snow Route" on the electronic display. So, hopefully I can go to work tomorrow.
Theoretically it will warm up by Thanksgiving which is good. The snow on my own street will not be plowed ... they just wait for it to melt here.
Ahhhh ... an early winter. Hopefully without too much more snow!
It's snowing here in Seattle. The neighborhood kids are having a blast outside. I'm cuddled inside where it's warm, also trying to keep a cold at bay that I can feel lurking in the wings. Snow days always bring back memories. When I was a kid growing up in the DC suburbs, we had a few whopping snow years which included many forts, snow milkshakes and every other variety of snow related activity.
But really, what the snow reminds me of is a particular snow storm in January of 2004. I was living in Portland at the time. The snow was fairly substantial--about 5 inches I think--but there was also quite a wind coming in from the Columbia River Gorge. You also need to know that the front door to my duplex was located on the side of the house, just an arms length and a half away from the side of the neighbor's house. If memory serves the snow was overnight Sunday, and I awoke on Monday morning to see the aforementioned 5 inches of snow outside my window (which looked out onto the front of the house and streets). Not a big deal. Got dressed. Pulled out my snow boots. Opened the door .... and saw snow as high as the eye could see. Somehow the winds had blown all the snow in the world into the narrow space between my duplex and the neighbors house. I couldn't really get out the front door, and as it had snowed earlier in the week my shovel was of course outside, buried under all the snow.
I did what any sensible woman would do. I peeled off my snow boots. Put on some comfy pajamas. Turned on the kettle and called my boss to tell her the unbelievable situation and that I'd be taking a few days off for a much needed vacation.
The few days turned into my first real retreat. The house was quiet with all the snow outside. I had been to the library earlier in the week and picked up some spiritual reading .. John Dear, Marcus Borg and Henri Nouwen if I recall correctly. So I just snuggled up and hung out with God.
The other part of the story is that my mother had passed away a few months before, and God and I had been in a bit of a sticky place relationship wise. I'd been pretty angry, distant, and downright grumpy as I struggled with the whole question of suffering. Somehow that week bridged the gap. I didn't figure anything out per se, but I learned to live into the questions. I developed a prayer life. A deep desire for God. And a few months later started considering the crazy possibility that maybe, just maybe, I might be called to religious life.
Today's snow will not cause me to retreat for a week. But it's always nice to pause and remember my snowy retreat week, a tremendous gift from God that keeps on giving in my life.
After work I'm headed to the ocean for the weekend with two of my CSJP housemates and two other CSJPs. Looking forward to some good community time ... and the ocean of course! I believe there is wifi so I may post from there. May not.
Here's a picture I took last year on this weekend (although last year I think it was actually in June).
This weekend is supposed to be cloudier and wetter, but no matter. Games, knitting, books and walk on the beach no matter what the weather await! It's the end of summer ... but not quite yet.
Many moons ago I was part of a discussion group at my parish around "Sense of Place"--the idea being that we each have a place where we make most sense and the world makes the most sense. To make a long story short, I confirmed what I already knew ... that the Pacific Northwest was my home, and that the Oregon Coast is the place where I most deeply connect with God.
In my agnostic but seeking days, I used to spend many weekends at the Oregon Coast. Walking on the beach, looking at where the forest meets the ocean, I felt calm and connected to something more. When I became Catholic again, my weekend trips decreased in frequency but increased in intensity. In fact, four years before I actually listened to my deepest longings, I was walking on the beach when I first felt this incredible pull, tug or push--all of the above?--that I wanted to serve God and become a Sister. That crazy thought/feeling/desire was quickly filed away for a few years until it seemed a little less crazy.
Still, there is something about the Oregon Coast that allows me to experience God's deep and abiding love for me and all of creation like no where else. This weekend, after a four year absence, I found my way back to the coast for a bit of quiet, alone time and renewal. What a gift.
I've had a "young nun" friend visiting me this week from New York. We met at a Giving Voice gathering of women religious under 40 a few years ago. It's been great having her here. Yesterday we drove to Whidbey Island and checked out the Lavender and Wind Festival. There was both lavender and wind! They even had a lavendar labyrinth which was very cool. And a nice selection of arts and crafts booths. We had a great time.
I went for a short hike this afternoon in the gorge on my way home. It was super windy - hence the short duration of the hike. But the wind also invited a group of eagles to join in their own form of wind surfing. (The Columbia River Gorge is well known for wind surfing of the human kind on the water.) I managed to film a bit of one of the eagles.
My super-social weekend has come to a close ... or it's come to the part where my introvert side gets to take center stage anyway. Tomorrow is a vacation day, and tonight I'm staying in the Columbia River Gorge courtesy of some friends who are letting me stay in their condo (which has a view & wifi). If you've never seen the Columbia River Gorge, it is one of those places that I think our Creator God had a lot of fun creating.
This afternoon I went to a 50th Jubilee party for my friend Sr Pat, an IHM sister (same community as Sister Julie of A Nun's Life). The party was held at Sakura Ridge, a farm and lodge in the gorge owned by the brother of another friend. It was wonderful to be with Pat as she celebrated 50 years of religious life with her family and friends. The farm had the most amazing view of Mt. Hood - fitting really for a celebration of God's amazing gifts and Pat's faithful response.
Tonight I'm staying overnight in the Gorge. Tomorrow I'm going to take some me time with mother nature and make my way back to Seattle in a leisurely fashion. My friends' condo is right on the Columbia River.
And the same view at Sunset.
God is good. You know that, but it helps to have reminders sometimes ... good friends, the beauty of creation, life.
I'm spending 4 nights/5 days at the Washington Coast with some other CSJPs. One of our associates has a time share and invited me and a few other sisters to share her ocean time with her. We are having GLORIOUS and completely atypical weather. 70's. Sun. Incredible.
As you can tell, we also have wifi here. So, I may post over the next few days. I may not. It depends how the Spirit moves.
After two years away, I'm really enjoying springtime in the Northwest. It's starts so early and lasts and lasts and lasts. All that rain we are famous for has slowed down and now comes in spurts. But the result is luscious green and beautiful flowers. I'm especially lucky that I'm living in the midst of a rhododendron and azalea garden--known as St. Mary-on-the-lake. We have such beautiful plants here! So much to give thanks for.
I thought I'd share some of the photos I took a few weeks ago. More things are now in bloom, but this will give you an idea.
