Firmness of Rock

I've been back in my graduate student life for a week and a half now, after spending a wonderful three weeks immersed in the present and future of my religious community.

If you've been reading the blog, then you know that I am in the midst of writing my thesis and studying for comps as I finish up my time at Catholic Theological Union. And you also probably saw that starting in January I begin a new adventure as part of our full time five person Congregation Leadership Team. Lots of changes and transition and unknown are ahead. Lots of work and deadlines and, undoubtedly, stress ahead (I'm thinking more about the work of finishing thesis/comps, but this will also be part of the mix of the work and life of the next 6 years too!). But for now, at least, I feel oddly calm, deeply at peace, and ready for what God has in store.

Thursday I had the opportunity to meet with my spiritual director and look more closely at the movement and my experience of God in my life during these weeks. Spiritual direction is always such an amazing chance to step back and get a glimpse of what is really unseen in our relationship with God, of touching into the underlying presence and power of the Spirit in our lives.  I sometimes compare spiritual direction to the experience of therapy, except that instead of being about problem solving or developing coping mechanisms for the craziness of life, the focus is on opening the heart and letting God in to do what God does, if that makes any sense.  Really, it is a graced time of digging into the God stuff in the midst of all of our human stuff.

My spiritual director listened as I recounted the experience of Chapter and my excitement and hope for religious life and the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace, as well as my deep desire to share my gifts in service of our charism and future, now. I also shared some of my own murkier feelings, my wonderings, my vulnerabilities, and the prayer I have felt since the day my community invited me to discern this journey: to grow in humility, gentleness, and patience.  She then invited me to stop, sit with all that I had shared, and see if a word or an image or a feeling emerged.

And it was this ... I feel the strength of God's presence as I face the unkown. I feel held and supported by God's deep abiding love for all God's creation, including me. And it is upon this foundation, step by step, that I feel God pushing and pulling and drawing me forward into my/our/God's evolving future. I didn't have a picture for this feeling at the time, but since I have remembered and reflected on this picture I took a few years ago on retreat of a stone wall ... Big stones, small stones, a rocky path, but firm, true, and sure all the same, leading us together into the heart of God.

Bizarre Yet Beautiful ... Reprise

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a prayer poem on the blog titled "Bizarre Yet Beautiful."  Yesterday, after a very powerful (and well timed) session with my spiritual director where I reflected on the bizarre and beautiful movement of the Spirit in my life these days, I took the time to check out the Rene Magritte exhibit at the Art Institute of Chicago.  The title of the traveling exhibit is Magritte: The Mystery of the Ordinary. As a surrealist, Magritte was deeply in touch, I think, with the bizarre yet beautiful aspects of life. Thankfully for us, he was able to capture this aspect of the human experience on canvas. I bought a small version of the painting at the right, depicted on a button (the kind you can pin to your clothing). The painting itself is called "L'homme au chapeau melon." 

I was really touched by the painting, because you see part of my ongoing discernment process has been recognizing and befriending my own limitations. This has been especially true during the past few months. As I mentioned a while back on the blog, I have been invited to discern my willingness to serve in elected leadership for my congregation (both bizarre, given my time in community, and beautiful, given my love of my community and belief in our future).  

I received my invitations to enter into this discernment process just before I spent 3 weeks at vocation director summer school, where we learned about psycho-sexual integration and behavioral assessment. While the focus was on assessing and screening potential candidates, there was also a bit of introspection and inner work involved.  As a result, I came to the discernment weekend having befriended (again) many of my own limitations and "prickly points" within the context of my discernment process. They are very real ... I, like most if not all people,  carry my life experiences, baggage, and personal challenges with me along this journey we call life. Hopefully as we become more self aware and engage fully in the work of life and relationships, our rough edges become softer and those prickly aspects of our personalities cause less and less damage to ourselves and others. Nevertheless, through much of this time of leadership discernment, my limitations have been front and center. Replace the dove in the picture with a prickly cactus and you'd get the idea!! It's hard to see the forest for the cactus, if you catch my drift.

One very real blessing of the weekend retreat I spent with the other Sisters discerning openness to serve in leadership, and the days since, has been a real experience of the promise of peace. We are all better than our worst selves, and community helps us to grow together in truth and love into our best selves. As our CSJP Constitutions say: "As we live our vows each day we trust that Christ's blessing promised to peacemakers will sustain us, knowing that God working in us will accomplish more than we can ask or imagine."

This painting by Magritte, with a dove blocking the man's face (instead of a prickly cactus!) is a reminder to me of the promise of peace.

Please join me in praying for the ten women, including myself, who decided after the discernment weekend to leave our names in the mix of nominees for elected leadership. Our General Chapter takes place September 5-16 in Seattle, with the elections taking place in a spirit of discernment and prayer towards the end of that time.  As one CSJP friend mentioned in an email, it says wonders for our community that we have such a powerful and prayerful group of women open to congregation leadership at this crucial time in our history. No matter which women will make up the final mix of leaders, leadership of our community will be in good hands, good minds, and good hearts. God is so very good ... mischievous and surprising at times, but very good.

In the words of our Chapter prayer:

Come Holy Spirit,
refresh and renew us,
draw us deeply into your love,
soften our hearts,
rouse our spirits,
open us to all that the 
Congregation Chapter may entail.
St. Joseph, dreamer
and practical one,
help us live our dreams into reality.
May the whole of creation
rejoice in God's justice
and live in God's peace.
We pray with confidence
and faith.
Amen.

Bizarre Yet Beautiful

Life
(and its events)
it seems,
comes in a variety of moods.
Unexpected.
Anticipated.
Shocking.
Heart-breaking.
Joyful.
Humorous,  playful, daunting,
and perhaps,
from time to time, 
in a more bizarre yet beautiful format
that only God understands,
that only God creates.
All of it is life.
To live life fully is the call.
In the mix.
In the midst.
Community. Family. Friends.
God.

$100 dollar for your thoughts

Earlier today I was walking along my merry way from errand to errand, pondering invitation and possibility and the incredible connections and opportunities life brings if we are open to it. As I passed by a parking lot, the attendant stopped me and asked: "If I could give you a $100 for your thoughts, what are you thinking about as you walk?"

Recognizing that the $100 in question was purely hypothetical, my first thought was that the price of the thoughts of strangers has gone up faster than inflation! But he looked like a nice gentleman, and so I paused and told him that in fact I was deep in thought about an invitation to consider taking on a new role and doing something new. He actually seemed quite surprised that I responded, but he wished me luck on new endeavors.

What I didn't tell him is that I'm headed to New Jersey tomorrow to spend some time in prayer and conversation with my CSJP Sisters about the possibility of leaving my name in for elected leadership of my Congregation. Fourteen of us will be attending a discernment retreat at our retreat house on the Jersey shore this weekend.  Our Chapter (when the new team will be elected) is not until September. This weekend is a time to get away and ponder whether the Spirit might be calling us to share our gifts in this particular time and in this particular way. I haven't mentioned this on the blog before specifically, but regular readers might have been attuned to an uptick in posts of a discerning nature. This would be why.

I feel the love, support, and prayers of the entire Congregation and a deep peace at keeping my name in the mix for the discernment process. The 14 women who I will spend the next few days with are prayerful, faithful, women of peace with a deep love of the congregation and a commitment to God's people. It will be a privilege to enter this sacred time and space with them.

Tonight I'm headed out for an early birthday dinner with my father and then head to the airport early tomorrow. Most likely I won't be posting for a few days until after the retreat.

Until we "meet" again, please pray for the Sisters attending the discernment weekend.  In the words of our Congregation Chapter prayer:

Come Holy Spirit, refresh and renew us,
draw us deeply into your love, 
soften our hearts, rouse our spirits,
open us to all that the Congregation Chapter may entail.
St. Joseph, dreamer and practical one,
help us live our dreams into reality.
May the whole of creation
rejoice in God’s justice and live in God’s peace.
We pray with confidence and faith. Amen

Inspiration for life

Today's first reading from Micah was one that helped inspire this blog, has accompanied my ongoing discernment in life, and guides my daily living of the vows.

As I wrote in the first post on this blog almost 10 years ago in the early days of my vocation discernment:

"The following scripture passage has been very present to me the past few months...

'You have been told, O people, what is good, and what Yahweh asks of you: Only this, to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God'. - Michah 6:8

Is it possible that it's really that simple? ... The invitation to act justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with God is just too good not to at least check out .... and so I am."

And so I continue each day. As it happens, my congregation's vow formula is also inspired by this Scripture passage. These are the words I said when I professed my perpetual vows:

In response to God's call to seek justice, to love tenderly, and to talk in the way of peace, I, Susan Rose Francois, in the presence of our Congregation Leader, and in the presence of the community gathered here, vow to God, poverty, celibacy, and obedience, for life, according to the Constitutions of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.

.... each and every day.

On Mustard: the call to be pesty weeds for God

This Sunday's Gospel story includes the parable about mustard seed. The best reflection I have ever heard on this comes from Sister Pat Farrell's 2012 address at LCWR:

Joyful hope is the hallmark of genuine discipleship. We look forward to a future full of hope, in the face of all evidence to the contrary. Hope makes us attentive to signs of the inbreaking of the Reign of God. Jesus describes that coming reign in the parable of the mustard seed.

Let us consider for a moment what we know about mustard. Though it can also be cultivated, mustard is an invasive plant, essentially a weed. The image you see is a variety of mustard that grows in the Midwest. Some exegetes tell us that when Jesus talks about the tiny mustard seed growing into a tree so large that the birds of the air come and build their nest in it, he is probably joking. To imagine birds building nests in the floppy little mustard plant is laughable. It is likely that Jesus’ real meaning is something like Look, don’t imagine that in following me you’re going to look like some lofty tree. Don’t expect to be Cedars of Lebanon or anything that looks like a large and respectable empire. But even the floppy little mustard plant can support life. Mustard, more often than not, is a weed. Granted, it’s a beautiful and medicinal weed. Mustard is flavorful and has wonderful healing properties. It can be harvested for healing, and its greatest value is in that. But mustard is usually a weed. It crops up anywhere, without permission. And most notably of all, it is uncontainable. It spreads prolifically and can
take over whole fields of cultivated crops. You could even say that this little nuisance of a weed was illegal in the time of Jesus. There were laws about where to plant it in an effort to keep it under control.

Now, what does it say to us that Jesus uses this image to describe the Reign of God? Think about it. We can, indeed, live in joyful hope because there is no political or ecclesiastical herbicide that can wipe out the movement of God’s Spirit. Our hope is in the absolutely uncontainable power of God. We who pledge our lives to a radical following of Jesus can expect to be seen as pesty weeds that need to be fenced in. If the weeds of God’s Reign are stomped out in one place they will crop up in another. I can hear, in that, the words of Archbishop Oscar Romero “If I am killed, I will arise in the Salvadoran people.”

And so, we live in joyful hope, willing to be weeds one and all. We stand in the power of the dying and rising of Jesus. I hold forever in my heart an expression of that from the days of the dictatorship in Chile: “Pueden aplastar algunas flores, pero no pueden detener la primavera.” “They can crush a few flowers but they can’t hold back the springtime.” 

How/where are you called to be a pesty weed for the reign of God?

Contemplating Jesus and Discernment

When I named this blog "Musings of a Discerning Woman," I was knee deep in full fledged vocation discernment, pondering the crazy yet wonderful idea of becoming a Catholic Sister. The journey started just over 10 years ago. I started the blog 9 1/2 years ago to document that journey and to help me give words to the inexplicable movement of my heart.  In the words of my first blog post:

I've searched the blogsphere myself, looking for the "What should Susan do with her life website" to no avail. I have, however, been lucky enough to stumble upon the stories of others who have been able to stop and listen to what God might be calling them too. I've benefited from the struggles, the sharing, the hopes, the fears of complete strangers. And so, I figured it was worth the risk to start documenting my own journey in the hopes that it strikes a chord with someone else. Gives someone else the thought that it's not so crazy to listen to that voice deep down inside that won't go away, the idea that maybe there's something more to this life thing. And, hopefully this new form of what is essentially an exhibitionist journal will help me along on this journey of mine.

There is something sacred about this virtual space and something immensely powerful in sorting through the unbloggable thoughts and then recording the movement of the Spirit in a way that expresses the truth written in my heart yet is understandable and perhaps beneficial for others on their own journeys.  

I haven't really been in a unbloggable space for the past few years, but rather have been whole heartedly engaged in the joys of my life of ministry and community. Ironically, this life giving and affirming mix has meant I haven't blogged as much. I seem to blog more when I'm dealing with unblogables. Does that count as paradox?

Well, my friends, have you noticed an uptick in blog posts in the past week or so? That's because I am wading back into unbloggable territory, pondering an invitation from my community to consider a new way of answering my call to seek justice, love tenderly, and walk in the way of peace as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

It's exciting and terrifying at the same time, kind of like that "fearful yet overjoyed" feeling Mary Magdalene felt at the tomb when, seeking to spend time mourning her friend Jesus, she is instead met by an angel with unexpected tidings: ""Do not be afraid! I know that you are seeking Jesus the crucified. He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples, 'He has been raised from the dead, and he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him.' Behold, I have told you."

In our CSJP Constitutions we say:

Our vows, rooted in our baptismal consecration,
express our response to God's call
to participate in the mission of Jesus Christ.
Through vowed membership
in the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace
we specify the direction in which we live
our baptismal commitment. (38) 

By our public profession
of consecrated celibacy, poverty, and obedience,
we freely dedicate ourselves for life to God
according to these constitutions.
We commit ourselves to one another in community,
we signify our availability for service in mission,
and we express our willingness
to become peacemakers
in the spirit of the beatitudes. (39) 

As we live our vows each day
we trust that Christ's blessing promised
to peacemakers will sustain us,
knowing that God working in us
will accomplish more than we can ask or imagine. (62)

Indeed. Discernment never ends, my friends, it just shifts deeper and wider as we live more fully the life God calls us to by virtue of baptism.  As a religious Sister, my love of my community and commitment to our charism of peace also challenges me and brings forth even more love and commitment to following Jesus.

And, like the angel, Jesus also said "Be not afraid."  I found myself this morning remembering a video prayer reflection I made years ago, during temporary profession and a different flavor of discernment of this call, set to the Tony Alonso song "And Jesus said..."




I prayed with this video and song this morning, at this new space and discerning this new call within a call within a call within the context of a discerning community.

Jesus, brother and friend, be with me/us on our journey into peace. Open and soften our hearts so that we may hear your call deeply and clearly as we face the future with gratitude and hope. Amen.

Unexpected Joy ... Remembering the Joy of My Call to Religious Life

There's an article in NCR about the Papal letter to religious issued in anticipation of 2015, the Year of Consecrated Life. The letter is titled "Rejoice!" but is only in Italian so far so I've not read it, but I did read this in the NCR article:

Preparing for the Year for Consecrated Life, members of religious orders, secular institutes and consecrated virgins are asked to spend a considerable amount of time remembering the joy they felt when they first realized God was calling them.

"Pope Francis has asked us to let our hearts dwell on a freeze-frame of the joy of 'the moment when Jesus looked at me,'" said Cardinal Joao Braz de Aviz and Archbishop Jose Rodriguez Carballo, respectively prefect and secretary of the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life.

When I read this article on my smartphone on the bus on the way to visit my Dad, I immediately flashed back to my moment of unexpected joy, which took place in a very unexpected place ... the women's bathroom on the 1st floor of the Portland City Hall (2nd window to the right of the rotunda on the 1st floor!).

Can't quite picture it? I can't blame you. It's an odd spot for such a moment. But luckily I already shared the moment on the way back machine that is this blog in a post from the days of my discernment entitled "Unexpected Joy." I wrote this when I was applying for candidacy with my now community:

There comes a point in Harry Potter when Harry needs to remember a moment when he was truly happy in order to fend off some foul creatures that want to eat his soul. His first memories weren't strong enough - they were the run of the mill happy. In the end he needed to find a truly joyous moment.

This all got me thinking about a moment when I was very unexpectedly filled with joy. It was back when I was first beginning to stop actively ignoring this tug I was feeling in my heart. I'd starting talking to my pastor about the direction my life was going and where God was calling me. I'd been dancing around the realization that all signs were pointing to religious life. As I think I've written here before, I wasn't too terribly excited about the idea intellectually. But then the joy hit me. In the bathroom at work of all places. I remember looking in the mirror, washing my hands, filled with joy at the wondrous possibility that I could become a Sister. I could use my gifts to serve God and help transform the world. I was literally bursting with joy. I wanted to tell the whole world. Instead I was a good bureaucrat and went back to my desk to what seemed even more like drudgery in comparison to the joyous possibilities that lay ahead for me to explore.

I've got the last part of my groovy sister application coming up on Wednesday - the dreaded psychological evaluation. It'll be fine I know but I am of course somewhat nervous. But, like Harry, I'm planning to hold on to the memory of this joyous moment in the bathroom to see me through.

Of course, little did I know there's a bit of drudgery in every life, even when it's your calling. But the joy is still there, bubbling up sometimes more than others, but always present, especially when I am with my Sisters or working for peace through justice or using my talents and gifts in little ways to serve God and help transform the world. And that, my friends, is pure gift!

Discerning Home

I'm home at St. Mary-on-the-Lake, our regional center on the shores of Lake Washington near Seattle, during my school break between J-Term and the start of the spring semester. This is of course an exciting time to be here in Seattle. I decided against crossing the lake to join 700,000 other people downtown for the Seahawks parade (note: the actual population of the City of Seattle is 634,535 so I think that was a wise life choice on my/our part!). But never fear, we are having a celebration here this evening hosted by one of our Sisters. Should be fun, and I even found some green and blue to wear to get into the spirit!

From the first moment that I drove on to the grounds of St. Mary-on-the-Lake for a vocation retreat in 2004 (almost 10 years ago), I have felt a sense of peace here. I lived here for the first year of temporary profession, and now as I am living in Chicago for school this is my home base where I come back on school breaks. It is interesting to me how each time, it feels more and more like home. And not just groovy sister hq, but Seattle is also becoming home, bit by bit.

My original home for 18 years was Bowie, Maryland. Then I switched coasts and lived in Portland, Oregon for the better part of 16 years. When I first started discerning my call to religious life, I was very reluctant to leave Portland which had become my adopted home. In fact, this was a major part of my discernment. I clearly remember praying on one visit north, sitting on a park bench looking at the Seattle skyline and wondering if this would ever feel like home. In the mix of all that mixed up discernment, I looked seriously at a different religious community for longer than I should have because they were centered in Oregon.

In the end, I knew my heart was a CSJP heart and I took the plunge. Of course, before I knew it I was living in New Jersey for the Novitiate, then in England for a few months and back to New Jersey. I lived and ministered in Seattle during temporary profession and the first year of final profession. It took me a while to put down roots, to make connections outside community with people within a decade or so of my own age. I was just starting to do this when I was asked to consider graduate studies. This of course pulled me to my present location, Chicago, which is a lovely (if cold) place to be where I have family and a great network of friends within 10-15 years of my own age. It's good, I like what I'm doing. But I miss home. And interestingly, while I still love Portland and enjoy visiting and connecting with friends there, that home has shifted 160 miles north to Seattle.

God has a funny sense of humor because, truth be told, in all the years I was in Portland I never really liked Seattle. My first few trips here had horrid (if funny) moments that made me dislike the place. But then, I found my CSJP community, and the rest, as they say, is history ...or history in the making.

Once school is finished next May (2015), I'm hoping to return home to Seattle. Home with my CSJP Sisters. Home with the mountains and the sound and the lake. Home with the crazy traffic and even rainier weather than Portland. And all within three hours drive of my other home, my adopted home of Portland which will always be dear to my heart.

But for now, I am blessed to be able to spend a few days with my CSJP Sisters at groovy sister hq. To soak in the natural beauty ... and LACK OF SNOW! To celebrate the Seahwaks, to celebrate the City, and just to generally enjoy life and the (temporary) lack of homework.

I have a room with a view of the lake (and the roof) this visit!

St. Mary-on-the Lake is nestled in the woods

My favorite spot to pray ... on the dock

Giving Voice to the Importance of Peers

Me with some of my GV Sisters at our
2013 National Conference

Regular readers of the blog know that I am involved with (and presently on the leadership team of) Giving Voice, a grassroots peer-led network of younger women religious that creates spaces for younger women religious to give voice to their hopes, dreams, and challenges in religious life.

Having a peer group is something that many of us take for granted in our lives. We grow up with the kids in our neighborhood and/or our classmates in school. In college we bond with age peers with similar interests as we explore new territory and learn by making mistakes. Young married couples with small children often find that they have more in common with the parents of their children's friends than with friends going through different stages of life.  We naturally seek, and developmentally we need, peers with whom we can journey through the ups and downs of life.

In religious life, our elder Sisters in community have always had a large ready made group of age peers to share ministry, prayer, and community life. They have grown up together and are growing old together. While the large group they entered with at 21 has certainly dwindled over the years, as they swam through the choppy waters after Vatican II and aged gracefully, they still share community with a sizable group of women within 5 to 15 years of their own age.

This reality is vastly different for younger women entering religious life today.  Often we are the only younger women, or one of a small group of younger members, in our particular community.  As our elders Sisters retire or move into active prayer ministry, we are just beginning our ministries or seeking to apply our energy to new endeavors.  As our elder Sisters look at leadership and community decisions with more years of religious life lived than on the horizon, we seek to find ways to bring our vital charisms to a needy world with smaller numbers and a very changed society over a longer horizon with many unknowns ahead. 

This also leads to a unique situation in community life. On the one hand, on a daily basis we navigate an unusual dance where women 20, 30, 40, or even 50 years older than ourselves are the women with whom we share prayer, community life, and sometimes ministry. As a result, even though we are by no means their age peers, in many ways as community members we relate as peers. Truth be told this is one of the unexpected gifts of religious life in the early 21st Century, which has become a laboratory for intergenerational and intercultural community living.  I have dear friends in community who are 75 or 84 or even 90. As I've been in the community longer, my treasure chest of shared experiences, in-jokes, and deep love is filled all the more. In many ways, I wouldn't trade this intergenerational experience for a large group of age peers in community. 

On the other hand, there is no denying that it is vitally important to have age peers in religious life as well.  Try as they might, my single or married friends outside community just cannot understand how funny x or y is that happens in community or why even though it makes absolutely no sense not only do I have to z, I really want to.  And try as they might, my elder Sisters in community just cannot understand what it is like to be part of such a small age minority at this transformational time in American religious life.

Luckily, I have always had women within 10 years of my age in community, albeit a small group. Since my novitiate classmate Chero and I entered almost 10 years ago 5 more women have entered. This is a gift.

Another gift has been my network of Giving Voice friends across congregations. I attended my first Giving Voice gathering, a retreat for Sisters in their 20s & 30s, during my novitiate.  I cannot tell you how much that retreat meant to me at that point. Oh wait, actually I already did, in a blog post way back in 2008:

In addition to our times for prayer, play, and more play, we also had some deep conversations about our lives and this larger religious life experience. It helped to have other voices expressing similar thoughts. I left feeling much stronger and part of something bigger. Religious life may be different, it may be smaller, but it will continue. These women are passionate about their communities, passionate about their ministries, and passionate about religious life. God is in the mix, and all shall be well.

In the years since, my Giving Voice peers have been an integral part of my own growth and development as a woman religious in the 21st Century.  We laugh, cry, play, and dream together, across the miles. Another amazing gift of this unique time in religious life is the opportunity to experience so many different charims mixing and mingling.  After every Giving Voice experience, whether it is a conference or a retreat or a conference call, I find myself amazed at the power of the Spirit moving through history.

Our Giving Voice network continues to grow, deepen, and develop with exciting opportunities on the horizon.  I can see more and more how my life as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace will be strengthened and supported  by my Giving Voice peers across congregational lines well into our shared, if unknown, future. When I dream and pray about the future of religious life, I know what I knew at that first retreat as a novice. My Giving Voice sisters and their passion for God, life, religious life, and their own communities will help create that future even as we live it now. God is in the mix, and all shall be well.

I've aged out of the 20s/30s retreat, but it continues! In fact, there's a great article in the Catholic Sun (Phoenix Diocesan paper) that just came out. If you want some positive energy, do yourself a favor and click the link to read the article.

As for me, I continue to be energized and find great hope in my work on the Giving Voice Core Team. And this summer, I will be part of creating a new chapter in our shared history as I help to host our first Giving Voice retreat for Sisters in their 40s! God, my friends, is very good. And so is having peers.

God Breaks Through

I decided to make this Christmas Eve a quiet prayer day. Tomorrow I will spend Christmas Day with family. Today it was just me and God, catching up and getting reacquainted. I decided to make an outing of it, and even though it was frigid outside (barely entering double digits mind you), I drove out to a forest preserve in the suburbs for a walk. Outfitted with my down coat and gloves, long johns, snow boots (and my camera), I found a beautiful spot in the woods. Sun, snow, trees, beauty!

When I came home, before heading out to mass, I created this video prayer reflection to immortalize the day, set to Sufjan Steven's version of "Joy to the World."


Heaven and nature do certainly sing! Despite the cold I felt the calm and peace of God's creation, the sheer beauty in simplicity. I felt centered and connected, loved as we prepare to welcome and celebrate the in-breaking of God's love into our world ... Jesus, God-with-us.

I was reminded of an earlier Christmas Eve walk, this one when I was discerning which religious community to enter and received gift upon gift through contemplation of God's creation. I've written about that walk before, even sharing my journal entry from that momentous day when God's love broke through and guided me to where I found my heart, as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

Today's Christmas Eve walk did not have any life changing realizations, but instead was simple in its beauty. Taking time away, reconnecting with God and God's creation was what my spirit needed today, and that is gift indeed.

Peace

Yes and No ... a reflection

As I've gotten to know myself over the past 41 years, I've come to realize that I am at my best when I live out of a spirit of generosity.  A key part of the journey that led me to my particular vocation as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace was a conversation with a wise priest friend who helped me to realize how much I am called to share and use my gifts in service of God and God's people in need. It is when I am operating out of that central call that I am most fulfilled, and I think that is when I am the most "me" God calls me to be.  It is also when I am operating generously from that call that I tap into the well of gifts that God has given me.  It seems to be at those times that I shift from a relatively intelligent, articulate and organized person to a highly skilled and effective one. I'm often surprised at what I'm able to accomplish!

Yet, I've also come to realize that "yes" is not always the most generous answer.  Sometimes I might be tempted to say yes because it seems like such a great opportunity, or because it would fill such a great need, or because the person who asks is so very nice.  Yet, if the invitation comes on top of many other invitations, or if I have already committed my energy, time, and resources to other equally great opportunities, or if my plate is just feeling generally overfull at the moment, then in justice to myself and to others it might just be best to say "no" this time. This of course takes prayer, discernment, honesty, and conversation--with myself, with God, with community. And, let's face it, it's also not always easy to say 'no.'

Sometimes it is important to spend some time in reflection with all the pushes and pulls on your time, resources, talents, and energy. One wise piece of advice I got from a spiritual mentor a few years ago was to write it all down on your calendar, perhaps even color-coded.  What do you spend your time doing? What are your major commitments and priorities? What is your time for prayer, community, fun, and self-care?  While it's not always possible to arrive at the "perfect balance,"--some times in our lives will be busier than others--it is important to be intentional with our time and energy.  When pondering a new invitation, pay attention to the mix already present in your life.

All this is a long way to say that I'm feeling particularly busy at the moment and a wee bit overwhelmed. I'm working on self-care, recommitting time to prayer, getting ready to spend some time with community, attending to my present responsibilities.  Hence, I've just said no to a pretty cool opportunity.

How do you balance all the pushes and pulls for your time, energy, and talents?

9 years later ... my proper place

Next month marks nine years since I first drove onto the property here at St. Mary-on-the-Lake for a vocation retreat.  A few months earlier, I had finally woken up to the possibility that perhaps, possibly, maybe my desire might best meet God's desire as a Catholic Sister.  That initial wake up call would never have happened were it not for an simple email from my pastor that helped me name my deep desire to serve God and promote social justice as a path to peace.  I started meeting with a spiritual director and explored the possibilities of religious life, all the while sure that I would NEVER find a religious community where I would belong and be able to answer God's call.

Then, almost nine years ago, after searching the internet and finding the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace, I accepted an invitation from Sr. Jo-Anne to drive up to Bellevue and attend a vocation retreat.  Since I was driving from Portland, I asked if I could stay overnight.  I was nervous.  Even though I'd attended 12 years of Catholic School, this would be my first time staying with Sisters.  I had lots of nervous energies and wonderings about what it would be like.  And then I drove onto the campus of St. Mary-on-the-Lake, our regional center in the Pacific Northwest.  I had a mix cd in the car stereo (this was 2004 and pre-MP3).  Literally as I turned down the drive into our forested campus, this song by Voice of the Beehive started to play:


"Jesus, Jesus, help me find my proper place."

No joke.  Unplanned.  And yet, he did. Nine years later I am finally professed as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.  This is home.  These women are in my heart.  I carry them with me when I am in studying in Chicago.  I carry them with me when I am helping to organize a conference of younger Sisters from congregations across the country.  I carry them with me when I am sitting by my father in the emergency room.  Somehow, through the grace of God I was able to stop, listen, and discover that place, both physical and not, where I am able to be my best self for the glory of God and to serve God's people in need ... as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

Tomorrow I head back to Chicago to finish up some of my summer projects, head to another meeting, a week of vacation, and then start back up with school.  Today I will visit with a few more Sisters and soak in more of the peace that is this sacred space at St. Mary-on-the-Lake.  I might be leaving, but I carry this gift of community with me, and for that I am so very very grateful!

Companions

I am blessed to be spending this week in London with our Congregation novitiate community. We are working together on a project and in the process getting to know each other better.

It is amazing to me how God works in our lives and in our community. I clearly remember, when I first considered religious life in general and the CSJP community in particular, being concerned about the reality of diminishment and lack of vocations. How could I join my lot with this group? Yes thry are amazing women. But who would be my companions 15, 25, 50 years down the line?

Yet my heart was already caught up in love for the CSJP charism and community, and so I took the plunge. As luck (or God) would have it, I ended up entering with a group. Four of us made first vows within a few years of each other and now we have a new group of three in the novitiate discerning their call as Sisters of St Joseph of Peace.

It is an honor to hear their stories, both their lives until now and their first connection with our community. Like myself, each of them first connected with us via our website and then fell in love with our Sisters. The charism is very strong in the three of them in very unique ways. I am filled with gratitude and hope.

Please join me in praying for my new companions on their novitiate journey. And pray too for all women and men discerning a call to the crazy wonderful experiment that is religious life.

Vocations Prayer - Sowing the Seeds of Peace

Today is the World Day of Prayer for Vocations.

On this day, I pray in deep awe, wonder and gratitude to my good, gracious, and creative God who managed to break through and lead me to finding my heart and mission in the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.

On this day, I pray in love, friendship and appreciation for the amazing women (pictured below) who have entered the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace either with me or in the years since.  While I may not know what the future will hold for our world, Church or religious community, I know that I will be walking in the way of peace with these women.

On this day, I pray in hope and solidarity with and for young women who are considering that maybe, just maybe, God might be calling them to religious life.  As I ponder the future of religious life and my congregation, I return again and again to these words from Margaret Anna Cusack, known in religious life as Mother Francis Clare, the founder of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.  She said:  "We are beginning a new order.  We want brave, noble, large-minded, courageous souls." Indeed.  These words are just as true today as when she first wrote them.

I also find myself reflecting on the words of Bishop Edward Bagshawe at the first profession of Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace in Nottingham England in 1884:  "You will hope, if God blesses your work, to sow the seeds of peace in modern society."

Please join me in praying for our three Novices (Sisters Juliana, Katrina, and Sheena) and our two temporary professed Sisters (Dorothy and Sukyi) as they continue to put down roots and nourish their connections to this mission of peace.  Please pray too for new vocations to help us continue to sow the seeds of peace in a post-modern society that is deeply in need of peace.

God of peace, thank you for your gift of peace and the mission entrusted to the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace to promote peace in family life, in the church and in society.  We humbly pray that you nurture the seeds of this charism in the hearts of young women who might be called to vowed membership in our congregation.  May we grow together in love to embody these words from our original Constitutions.   "The very name Sisters of Peace will, it is hoped, inspire the desire of peace and a love for it." Amen.

New Vision Magazine Out ... With an Article by Yours Truly!

Remember when you were looking at colleges and you would get glossy magazines in the mail with pictures of beaming students and articles about college life?  In case you were wondering, there's a religious life version as well.  It's called Vision and contains glossy pictures, articles, and ads about the smorgarsborg that is religious life today.  You want options, you've got options! Just flip through this magazine and you will see representations of the wide variety of ways of following Jesus in contemporary religious life, from cloistered monasteries to working directly with people who are poor.

Speaking of, yours truly has an article in this year's Vision.  It's a feature in their Being Catholic series: "Why Catholics Care About People Living in Poverty."

It was great to have the opportunity to write for Vision, given that the magazine played a role in my own discernment.  Back in the day, after I'd had the talk with my pastor that led me to explore the possibilities, he handed me my very first copy of Vision.  I flipped through. I marvelled at the variety.  I turned corners of pages with ads or descriptions of communities that I thought looked interesting.  And I did a little excercise which helped me to discover my personal charism, which in turn helped lead me to the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.

So, if you fall into the category of person who has wondered if maybe quite possibly you might have a vocation to this wonderful thing we call religious life, check out the latest issue! You can order a free print copy or just read it online.  You never know what or who you might discover!

Yes, people are still listening

In the midst of all the recent hullabaloo, you might be surprised to realize that not only is God still calling people to religious life (a WIDE variety of communities), people are still listening and even taking the plunge! Here's a great video from the National Religious Vocation Conference featuring younger men and women religious.  Be sure to watch until the end to check out my friend Sister Sarah, a Dubuque Franciscan, talking about "the Sister thing."

I

If you've been having those pesky thoughts that maybe, possibly, perhaps God might be inviting you into this wonderful crazy life of love, prayer and service, I highly recommend checking out Vision Vocation Guide (think of it as an omnibus "college catalog" of religious communities) and Vocation Match (think of it as the religious life version of online dating, only better).  Both are also sponsored by NRVC.

Serving Others with a Passion for Peace and Justice

I was interviewed last week by a reporter from the local Archdiocesan paper, the Catholic Northwest Progress.  Here's the article:

Serving Others with a Passion for Peace and Justice
Susan Francois found an integrated life, grounded in the Gospel, with the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace


Susan Francois had plotted out her path in life — a career as a civil servant, social-justice volunteer work in her spare time, early retirement, then volunteering full time "to make the world a better place."

But a few years into a successful career, Francois began to realize something was missing.

Though she grew up Catholic and graduated from Catholic schools in Maryland, Francois struggled with some of the church's teachings and couldn't see its relevance in today's world. She stopped practicing her faith at age 17.

In a journey spanning two decades, Francois explored other religions, returned to the Catholic church, became "the ultimate church and peace-and-justice geek," discerned a religious vocation and, this month, professed her final vows as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

Now, as a staff member for the Intercommunity Peace & Justice Center in Seattle, social justice is both her ministry and her profession.

"This is where I'm the best able to use the gifts that God gave me, to best serve the world," she said.

Return to faith
After college, Francois went to work for the city of Portland, eventually becoming the elections official. It seemed like a natural path, since both her parents worked in the political arena. They also taught her the responsibility of helping the needy and working for social justice.

During her off hours, Francois energetically volunteered at soup kitchens and a homeless shelter, and for a child-abuse hotline. Still, she didn't feel fulfilled.

Then a good friend asked Francois to attend her installation on the pastoral council at St. Philip Neri Parish in Portland.

"I will never forget going into St. Philip's that day and sitting in that pew and just feeling like I was at home," she said. The next Sunday, she decided to go to Mass, some 10 years after leaving the church.

"Before I knew it — literally within six months — I was a sponsor for RCIA. I was teaching Sunday school, and I got involved in the peace and justice commission. I went from completely not thinking about organized religion to [realizing], this is where I want to be," Sister Susan recalled.

About a year later, while walking along an Oregon beach, the thought of becoming a sister hit her. "It seemed really insane and crazy," she said. "I wasn't ready for it. I clearly remember making a little deal in my head with God that, maybe when I was 40, I would think about it. I just made final vows and I'm 39. It's pretty funny how God works."

Seeking an integrated life
Francois became more open to the possibility of a religious vocation after working through her struggles with God during times of "personal and collective suffering" — her mother's death from cancer in 2003, the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Francois became even more involved in her parish, but felt a disconnect between her parish work and her day job. Then her pastor, Father Steve Bossi, emailed her in 2004, suggesting they talk about how God might be calling her to use her gifts.

"If he hadn't sent me that, who knows if I'd be here?" she said.

Francois started exploring religious life in 2004, at age 32, and began a blog, "Musings of a Discerning Woman," (www.actjustly.blogspot.com) to chronicle her journey.

"My real hope was to find an integrated life — where life in God, life in prayer, life in ministry, was my life," she said.

Finding a home
In October 2005, Francois became a candidate with the Congregation of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace, which promotes social justice as a way to peace. She began spending regular weekends in Seattle, living and praying in community with the CSJP sisters.

She felt called to join these "groovy sisters," as she refers to them in her blog — "groovy" because they're up-to-date, concerned about what's going on in the world, working for peace and justice, and having fun doing it, Francois explained.

After a two-year novitiate, she professed her temporary vows in October 2008 and began working at the Intercommunity Peace & Justice Center.

"Every step, I felt more part of me and more part of God's plan," Sister Susan said. On Nov. 11, she took perpetual vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience.

Today, Sister Susan is studying at Seattle University for a master's degree in pastoral studies, while continuing her work at the IPJC. Besides editing the quarterly journal and coordinating programs for young adults, she gives presentations at schools and parishes about human trafficking, immigration and other issues tied to Catholic social teaching.

"I yearned for a community grounded in the Gospel, where I could use my gifts to foster peace in our world," Sister Susan said of her journey. "I am so glad that I decided to take the risk and explore religious life."

One Week from Today

One week from today I will profess the vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience to God for life according to the Constitutions of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.  I actually wrote those words today in our vow book in preparation for the big day.  We have one big book in which all of our Sisters write their vows.  Since it takes a while to write out the vow formula in your own hand, we generally do it ahead of time so that on the day itself, we just need to sign our names along with our witnesses.  We also write out the vows on nice parchment paper that we also sign on the big day.  Most Sisters have their personal copy of their vows framed and in their prayer space.  That's where my first vows are.


Tomorrow we have our regional assembly, which will be a wonderful opportunity to see all the Sisters and Associates from our Western Region as we pray, celebrate and have conversations about our life and ministry together.  Then on Sunday I begin my retreat!


So, next time you read a post on this blog, it will have been written by a finally professed Sister (me!).  For Musings of a Discerning Woman, which first started 2,297 posts ago, this will be a milestone to be sure.


From that first post in December 2004 ...

And what is this journey? The following scripture passage has been very present to me the past few months... 

You have been told, O people, what is good, and what Yahweh asks of you: Only this, to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God. - Michah 6:8

Is it possible that it's really that simple? All I know is that my paying gig as a glorified bureaucrat doesn't seem to be the answer. More and more, I'm inspired and energized not by my "real" job, but by my work volunteer work, my activities working on behalf of social justice and peace. And that work makes the most sense in the context of faith. And so, this past summer I finally decided to give in, to start exploring women's religious communities. In part it was a reality check, to see what religious life is really like in 2004, and also to see if it was for me. I'll admit that the plan was to rule it out as an option (and the jury is still officially out). But once I finally said yes to the journey, I've been pleasantly surprised again and again by the amazing women living this life. The joy, the humor, the unceasing work to help build the kingdom of God. The invitation to act justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with God is just too good not to at least check out .... and so I am. Stay tuned! Peace, Susan

... to now.  What a journey!  A journey of peace.  A journey into the heart of God.  A journey of becoming more the me God dreams me to be.  There is also deep synchronicity between this first post and the vows I will profess next Friday, which begin "Responding to God's call to seek justice, to love tenderly, and to walk in the way of peace ..."


The journey does not end when I profess vows a week from tonight, but continues ...  

Invitations

Later on this afternoon I will be doing something I'd hoped never to do again ... taking a standardized test.  That's the Graduate Record Exam to be exact.  I took it once upon a time, 17 years ago when I was finishing my undergraduate degree.  The thing to know is that standardized tests do not agree with me.  I've always done poorly on them and had to take the SAT 3 times to break 1,000.  Sad but true, which is odd because I am a well read, intelligent critical thinker by most accounts.  Of course, math has never been my friend and those old school logic problems gave me a headache.  Thankfully those at least are gone now.  In any case, 17 years ago I did abysmally on the GRE, had probably my only real panic attack, and hoped never to repeat the task.

Flash forward 17 years and I will be taking the (now) computerized test this afternoon.  Why?  Because of an invitation.  I've been invited by my Congregation Leadership to consider some more academic theology studies.  While I've been enrolled part time in a Masters of Pastoral Studies degree to get some basic theology, the invitation is to get a more focused advanced degree in theology probably starting in the Fall of 2012.

I've been looking at graduate programs, giving some thought and consideration to what I'd like to study and where, and preparing myself for the whole application process.  Which is where the dreaded standardized test comes in.  While my present graduate program did not require the GRE, for which I was VERY grateful, some programs do.  So I've been preparing myself--literally and emotionally--for the experience which as I said takes place this afternoon.  Hopefully, THIS will be the last standardized test I have to take!

Aside from the assorted anxiety and dread of the you know what, I'm pretty excited about the idea of spending a few years in full time graduate study.  One of the beauties of community is that we are invited to grow, to try new things, to take risks.  Sometimes the invitation may require our revisiting a place that we'd rather avoid, but there is also a lovely feeling that comes with being invited and feeling open to the possibilities.

"As we live our vows each day we trust that Christ's blessing promised to peacemakers will sustain us, knowing that God working in us will accomplish more than we can ask or imagine." ~CSJP Constitution 62