Too Much

Six summers ago I was preparing to enter the novitiate, I spent an inordinate amount of time sorting, purging and packing my multiple belongings.  Carloads and carloads went to the parish for their rummage sale.  Some went to goodwill.  Some (mostly family stuff along with some sentimental non-essentials) went into storage.  And some was shipped to my room in the novitiate house in New Jersey.

Two years later, I went through a similar process for my return to the Pacific Northwest.  I took some things to the thrift store.  Shipped some boxes back to Seattle.  Filled my suitcases to the brim and flew west.  Once there, I set about retrieving items from my friend's basement that I'd put in storage.  Some more of that made its way to the thrift store as well.  The rest was crammed into my room with dribs and drabs in the basement of the community house where I live.

Now it's four more years later.  I STILL HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!!!!  I'm planning another move to Chicago in just over a month.  My plan is to take two suitcases and ship four boxes.  I'd like to leave a very minimal amount of stuff in storage, mostly family things.  So I return to operation sort, purge, pack.

The added wrinkle of course is that it's not just the same original piles of things getting smaller.  There are NEW things to be sorted, purged and/or packed.  Mostly paper, books and other items that make their way into my life somehow. True, if I add it all up at each stage I have less stuff.  But it's still way too much.

Today I was reminded of a conversation I had as a novice at one of my first Giving Voice gatherings.  A wise elder (she was probably in her late 30s at the time!) said to me something to the effect of "Get rid of your extra stuff now.  You'll be glad a few moves down the line."  Such wisdom!

I have grand visions of how minimal I'll be able to get in the next four weeks.  This afternoon I did manage to winnow six boxes of family and non-essential nostalgic items down to two and a half boxes.  Definite progress!  But so much more to go ...

The (never-ending?) path of simplifying.

Clutter

I have many fewer belongings now than I did even two years ago. And yet, I still have enough to create quite a bit of clutter in my room. Which tends to clutter up my mind, heart and spirit as well. I talked about this with my spiritual director last week. I know that when my personal space is fairly clutter free--at least with things in their place--I feel like I have more space for quiet and contemplation.

And yet, the busier I get the more I let the clutter pile up. Which as we just discussed clutters up my mind, heart and spirit. Which means that as I get busier and my space gets cluttered and I get cluttered, I find it harder to find balance.

I wrote earlier this week about my plans for self care--a mini-art retreat this afternoon, a retreat weekend coming up. Part of my plan was also to de-clutter my room. Which, as always, was accomplished in a fraction of the time I spent ignoring the clutter in my room and avoiding the job.

Funny how our old patterns re-emerge, isn't it?

time and treasure

I've been spending some time thinking about last Friday's quote from Margaret Anna. In case you missed it, I'll repeat her words of wisdom here:

Even those who do not altogether deny Christianity are living far from it. What is the meaning of this ardent desire for wealth? What is the meaning of this mad craving for pleasure? What is the meaning of this reckless waste of precious time? What is the meaning of this gross neglect of the poor; of servants, of dependents? What is the meaning of this selfish expenditure of money on personal comfort, even on personal luxry; while Lazarus is dying at the gate?

-Women's Work in Modern Society, 1874

What would she think ... I wonder ... if she stumbled into today's world? What is the meaning of how we waste our time. What is the meaning of our preoccupation with things rather than people? Perceptive questions in her day, even more so I think today.

I was interested to read an article in Parade magazine last week, that little magazine that always falls out of the Sunday paper: "How the Economic Crisis Changed Us." Here are some of the interesting (to me) numbers:

• 79% of respondents have been impacted by the economic downturn
• 80% have been "forced to do more with less"
• 68% have found "creating a more meaningful life" and "giving back" important
• 83% are reconsidering what they actually need
• 30% are volunteering
• 58% are spending more time reading for pleasure
• 46% are reconnecting with friends
• 35% are rediscovering community or religious groups

And then, this paragraph:

Over the last decade, observers have sounded the alarm that the definition of the American Dream has become distorted and equated with consumerism and homeownership at any cost. Now, more people seem to be turning back to the Dream’s original meaning—67% of respondents strongly believe that it’s about the opportunity to achieve through education and hard work, and 60% say that it’s the liberty to do what we want. While many believe the Dream has been somewhat broken by the crisis, 68% say it’s still within their reach—and their children’s, too—and 89% are proud to be Americans. No matter what challenges lie ahead, 89% feel we can overcome them “as long as we come together to support one another.”

Are we adjusting our vision of the "American Dream" from, as Margaret Anna would call it "the ardent desire for wealth" to it's "original meaning" of achieving through education and hard work? Or the liberty to do what we want? I would hope that maybe we're learning more about the power of relationship. The joy to be found in family and friends, in participating in our community and making the world a better place.

Margaret Anna's words do not only help me to critique society. They are also a challenge to me. To be honest, I personally haven't been that impacted by the economic crisis. I had already shifted to a simpler lifestyle and tight budgets--at least compared to my single girl life. Our community has lost money in our investments like everyone else, and in our last budget process we were asked to tighten our belts where we could. So I am living a little more frugally. But still, I don't have to worry about a roof over my head or food on the table or health insurance. I've written before about the luxury of the vow of poverty, of living in community and sharing our financial lot.

But I am still part of the culture, our society which is so focused on things and pleasure and provides oodles of time wasting opportunities (like the computer on which I am presently typing this blog post). As I begin my second year of vowed life, how do I spend (or waste) my time? How much of my energy is focused on personal pleasure or comfort?

Those are my thoughts this Wednesday evening. What do her words make you think about?

3 Years Ago Today

Three years ago today ...

Today I moved the rest of my worldly possessions from my apartment to my friend’s basement where they will live during my Novitiate. As a result of the great purge & pack project, I took 12 carloads of rummage to my parish rummage sale. Today I moved 2 carloads of stuff to my friend’s basement. A great paring down, but still too much stuff. Or so I thought after lugging it out of my house, into my car, over to her house, up her steps, through her house, and down the steps to the basement. Uggh…. I had some help with the bigger items, but most of the smaller stuff I did myself. About half way through I thought … do I really need this stuff? The thing is, much of it is family stuff from when my mom died and we sold the family house. Family pictures, some of my grandmother’s dishes, etc … Plus my own life mementos … yearbooks, books, etc… Perhaps when the time comes to move it again, I will be moved to simplify even more by sheer laziness!!! (original post)

Tomorrow, I'm heading back to the same generous friend's house in Portland to sort through some of those belongings and bring a bit of it back to Seattle. Some may eventually end up in the basement of the CSJP house I'm in the process of moving to. Some will make it into my new room (mostly furniture). And most hopefully will find new homes.

I hadn't realized it was actually three years ago today until I looked back at the blog to quote an earlier me. I couldn't help but be reminded of one of my favorite Built to Spill songs, appropriately titled ... "Three Years Ago Today"

a little while later I was trying to remember

but then it didn't seem quite as awful as it seemed

can't believe I won't admit that I have seen a sheepish wonder

I see me three years ago today

I admit that I still have too much stuff. I've spent most of the day sorting through paper (which multiplies at an alarming rate) and continuing to transfer to contents of my room at groovy sister hq to my new room across the lake in Seattle. 2 boxes of books. A variety of nick nacks. Family pictures. Files galore. Craft supplies. Winter clothes. I've still got summer clothes and toiletries and the contents of my desk to take over. And a few more nick nacks. It's more than I need.

And then I remember me, three years ago today. And all the stuff waiting in my friend's basement. Most of which I don't need. Some of which I want. A fraction of what I used to own. And yet way too much stuff. Simplifying is tricky business.

Thrift

I'm a new convert to thrift-store shopping. There's one obvious reason - with a vow of poverty and hence limited funds to spend on moi, my dollar goes a bit farther at Goodwill than it does say at Nordstroms. For example, our recent spring-like weather inspired me to make a quick trip to my local thrift store this evening in search of a spring top or two. Less than $20 later, I now have three tops and three pair of socks (which were even new). You can well imagine what they would have run me at a high end shop.

So, as I say, I'm a new convert to thrift-store shopping. But I can also see how thrift can lead away from the spirit of poverty. I could be SO excited that I'm getting someone else's cast offs for next to nothing that I might end up buying loads of things that I absolutely don't need. Or, it could become an adventure to go shopping and see how many designer items I can get for a few bucks. Instead of living simply and buying what I need, I could see how a thrift store shopping habit could end up with me more focused on material needs than I was before. Just because you don't spend a lot of money on something doesn't mean you're living the spirit of poverty. It just means you're a good shopper.

That said, I did need a few short sleave work appropriate tops. My wardrobe was decidedly lacking in spring-ready work outfits. And just as the $14 beauty school haircut is a new part of my thrifty repetoire, I think the occasional trip to the thrift store is also in order.

In case you're wondering, this post was inspired by my very trendy Goodwill Store clerk who asked me if I shopped Goodwill often. (He was dressed like he worked at goodwill to support his punk rock star wannabe lifestyle.) I told him that I hadn't in the past but was starting to more often. I proudly showed him my very stylish purse which I bought on my last trip for $2.50. He gave me some tips on some of the other Goodwill stores in the area. On the drive home I started thinking ... this could turn into a habit. No pun intended.

balance

I feel like I just wrote a post on balance the other day. Oh yeah, it wasn't even a month ago. And yet, balance is what's on my mind .... again.

Life is good. But life is busy these days. I'm finding that my room is extremely cluttered, which is always a warning sign for me that my life is a bit out of balance. Ministry. Community. Prayer. Self care. Friends. Special interests and hobbies. It's hard to balance it all. I'm not seeking perfection, but I have no desire to become overstretched and stressed and completely out of whack. Been there. Done that. Seeking something else in my life. Perhaps that's why I'm especially tuned to the warning signs of imbalance.

One great thing about my journey into religious life is that I also discovered the value of spiritual direction. I started meeting regularly with a spiritual director when I started my discernment process. I've had two other spiritual directors since then as I've moved about. There is something incredibly valuable and blessed in having someone that you check in with regularly to talk about life and God and your relationship to God. It has something to do with accountability and objectivity I think, but also just the idea of having a companion on the journey. I had a great visit with my current spiritual director yesterday. Talked about the balance thing. It helped. I think EVERYONE should have a spiritual director - not just those of us in religious life.

I'm rambling because I should be putting down the computer and going to bed after a LONG but good day at work - we had an evening this meeting with a focus group of young adults to talk about reviving our justice programming for young adults at my place of ministry -- and I'm wide awake. It was a great night and I'm excited about the possibilities but if I don't go to bed I won't be functional enough tomorrow to see how we can put some of it into action.

And so, in my eternal quest for balance, I am turning off the computer for the night.

Peace my friends.

If this is true

You Are Not a Pack Rat

You're not a pack rat - and there's probably no rats in your home. You have a living style that's totally minimalist. You're definitely not attached to stuff.

Are You a Pack Rat?

If this is true, why do I feel overwhelmed with the amount of stuff currently covering the floor of my room here at the Novitiate? Perhaps it is because everything is out of its hiding place, waiting to be packed into a box or put into a give away pile by yours truly.

I certainly feel like a pack rat. Do I really need all those craft supplies? Or books? Or shoes for that matter? I used to have many, many shoes. I now have under 10 pair (I think). But still, I have 2 feet. Why do I need so many shoes?

By the end of this week my plan is to have everything sorted, packed and shipped. The following week I'm on retreat and the week after that on a little vacation prior to my return to the world of active ministry (and the task of unpacking once I'm settled in my new digs).

Well, no time like now to get started. The piles of paper on (and under) my desk are calling to me!

hurricane

My room looks like a hurricane has rushed through it! I'm trying to get ready for Chapter while simultaneously beginning to pack the boxes I'm going to ship back to Seattle at the end of the summer. Which leaves me with a few questions:

1) Why do I have three boxes packed and a suitcase half packed and my room is still full of stuff?

2) Why do I have all this stuff?

3) Where does it come from?

4) What else can I give away?

As I said to one of our Senior Sisters the other day, I'm not interested in going back to the way it was but there was an awful lot of wisdom in having two habits and one trunk. My goal in life - or one of them - is to be down to the contents of a few boxes by the time I die. I have a LONG way to go!!!!!

On the bright side, at least I no longer have 10+ car loads of personal belongings! There is some progress to be seen.

the grip

I was reminded this morning of the day over a year and a half ago when I sold my car:

But today was the big symbolic moment … I sold my car. Yes, I handed the keys of my vehicular freedom to another human being and at that moment, I realized what it meant. I was finally free to follow that Jesus guy.

I must say, that blog post is worth a read all these months later. It brings me back to the fullness of that particular moment - especially as I prepare for vows this fall.

So, what reminded me of that day??? Well, this morning on my way to work I decided to make a detour when I got off the bus and treat myself to a cup of coffee from the Dunkin Donuts across the street. As I was walking out the door of said DD, I saw a black Honda Civic LX sitting in the parking lot. And for just a moment, my heart leapt.

I have everything I need. I have use of a car whenever I need. And yet, there was that little leap at the glimpse of "my car," even though my car is now being driven by a 20-something nephew of one of our sisters 3,000 miles away.

It's amazing what a grip material things can have on us ...

moving on up

Tomorrow morning I move out of the Novitiate House and into my new temporary digs in Jersey City. Next week I begin my Spring ministry experiences. As I was sending my new contact info out to family & friends I realized something.

My house in London was 157 W____ Lane.

My house in Jersey City is 257 B____ Ave.

So I'm just moving on up the street, in a manner of thinking. Which is true. I am continuing my discernment journey, building upon what I learned in London about the balancing act that is religious life. Please keep me in your prayers over the next weeks as I get to know a new living community, immerse myself in new ministries with the vulnerable, and figure out how to make time and room for God in the process.

But for now, I'm working on some more de-cluttering. I honestly do NOT know where the stuff comes from!

I'm sure I'll check in again in a few days, although my main priority of course will be getting settled and spending time with my new living community. Plus, I have a wee bit of sorting out of internet access issues (and setting up a wireless network). So until then, have a wonderful 1st full week of Lent.

exhiliration

It always amazes me that you sometimes get the message you need in what you read. That happened to me this morning, as I reflected with the Little Black Book from the Diocese of Saginaw (they're a GREAT resource for prayer and reflection). This is what I read ...

Lent is a time for us to plunge in and try to experience who we are. We can enjoy the exhilaration of clearing away anything that comes between us and God. That's not gloomy. Sometimes we think of Lenten sacrifices as painful. But the word sacrifice means to "make holy." Our sacrifice is a gift that we give to God, as we take away anything that stands between us.

I was amazed at how perfectly that fits in with my de-cluttering Lenten theme. The message is so clear ... the question is do I have ears to hear??

Happy 1st Sunday of Lent.

stuff

I had a spiritual direction appointment this morning in the vicinity of my new temporary digs (I move to Jersey City next Wednesday to begin my Spring ministry experience). I took advantage of my proximity to the new house to drop off my stuff. Clothes, shoes, some pictures, my scrapbooking supplies for a project I'm working on and some odds and ends. I still need to bring the rest of my clothes (what I'm wearing between now & then), some books, my laptop and a few decorative items. I really like my new room - it's bright and cheerful.

The thing is, now I'm sitting in my room at the Novitiate House - a room which, mind you, is now void of most of the items I feel I "need" for three months away - and it's FULL OF STUFF!!!!! I'm starting to think that my path to simplicity is going to be lifelong. Objects multiply! Then I remember the stuff I have stored in my friend's basement in Portland. I'm now understanding one conversation I overheard when I was in Florida for the Giving Voice conference last month ...

"Get rid of your stuff now. You'll be thanking yourself later after your first or second move...."

I see more purging in my future, but not just now ... In case you're wondering, the picture is some of the stuff I donated to my parish rummage sale before I entered the Novitiate (and this only represents 4 of 10+ carloads). I suppose I shouldn't be so hard on myself - at least the desire is there to live a life of simplicity!

Giving Up Clutter for Lent

I just got back from dropping off two bags of clothes for charity (a result of my cleaning binge last week). It was fitting, then, to find an e-mail pointing me out to a new to me idea for Lent from the January 2008 Catholic Update: Giving Up Clutter for Lent

Day by Day Through Lent

Fasting From Our Clutter

by Susan K. Rowland

Lent is here. Ready or not, the Big Question is always: How we are going to “do” Lent this year? May I suggest going on a fast that makes sense in this culture? Let us fast from the various types of clutter in our lives, beginning with the “outer regions” of life—our personal habits and the clutter in our homes. Then we will move to mental and spiritual clutter as the weeks progress toward Easter. We can fast from the confusion and busy-ness that characterize our culture. If we use this period to open our hearts, we will be well prepared to celebrate Easter. I offer the following ways to do that.

The website includes daily reflections for each day of lent. Looks like a good resource. Of course I already have not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 reflection booklets for Lent. ... What was that about clutter??

success

My room is fairly clean. I have two bags of clothes to give away. I'm part of the way packed for my move to my temporary digs in just less than two weeks. All is well.

Now that my mind is less focused on the literal clutter around me, I was able to whiz through a number of readings and articles I wanted to do. There's still much on my to do list, but I feel a certain sense of accomplishment.

Meanwhile, things are continuing to deteriorate in Kenya. Much of the violence is happening in my novice housemate's home region. Please keep her, her family and the entire situation in your prayers.

It certainly puts things in their proper perspective.

cleaning

You Are a Little Messy

You aren't the cleanest person in the world, but you're definitely not a slob. You clean up when you have the time, but you're realistic about what you can get done. Generally, you're pretty organized and tidy - though you may have a few hidden messes. You eventually get around to making things spotless, but you do it on your own schedule!

Are You Messy?

I'm cleaner living in community than I am living alone. But my room still has a tendency to become a bit of a mess. At the moment, it's a disaster, but that's partly because I'm trying to sort through things. Those who have been reading the blog for a while may remember the great purge/sort/pack project before I entered the novitiate, where I tried to simplify my many belongings. It's scary how quickly things pile up again ... paper especially! I'm moving to my new temporary digs two weeks from today. I'll be there for 3 months, so I'm trying to figure out what to take with me. I'm also using the opportunity to get a handle on the mess and weed out some of what I definitely don't need. I certainly don't want to be moving most of this stuff to my new permanent digs, wherever that ends up being!

Simplicity ... it's easier said than done!

How do you keep a handle on the clutter? (By the way, Sr. Julie's got a great discussion on a similar topic over at her place.)

further lessons in simplifying

Last summer I spent many weeks sorting through my accumulated junk and deciding what to take to New Jersey, what to store in my friend's basement, and what to give away. I gave away literally car loads worth of my possessions, but ended up putting some stuff in storage and shipping some boxes to the Novitiate House in New Jersey. After the ordeal of project sort, purge & pack I asked the question:

Do I really need this stuff?

I find myself asking the same question as I prepare to head to London for three months. I'm only checking one bigger suitcase and one smaller duffle and carrying on my laptop backback with a few assorted odds and ends stuffed in. I'm not shipping anything. And yet, it still feels like I'm taking too much stuff. It's really just clothing, shoes and few books and toiletries. Last night I made some choices on things to take out of the big suitcase to make it a little lighter. Do I really need three pairs of jeans? How many sweaters can one wear? Etc.... I just want to be prepared! Then again, I was a girl scout. :)

Luckily I don't have to empty out my room here at the Novitiate while I'm gone. Although as I look at my 3-months worth of stuff packed in the bags in the corner of my room and then a room that is still full of stuff (mostly books and framed photos and nick-nacks and PAPER which seems to have a life of its own) I wonder ... Do I really need this stuff?

I leave Friday. In the meantime, I going to try to sort through a years worth of accumulated papers and see what I really want/need to keep.

a few steps removed

I woke up this morning feeling 90% human! I seem to be mostly over the weird flu-like bug I caught. It's always nice to feel healthy, happy & human, don't you think! My recovery was just in time as I had my eye doctor appointment scheduled for today.

One thing I'm really enjoying about my move to religious life is the different approach and attitude I have towards money and purchasing things. It's like I'm a few steps removed from the consumer frenzy of American culture. I have what I need, and if it turns out I need something more I have the resources to get whatever "it" is. What I don't feel is the need to accumulate or have the next new thing.

Last month for example, I experienced this when I was figuring out what to wear to my brother's wedding. In the past, I would have spent loads of time and a bit of money figuring out just the right outfit to wear. It's not like I don't care what I look like now, but my approach is different. I wanted to look presentable, but didn't feel that need to look super snazzy which resulted in a much less stressful wardrobe decision (from my closet with one small addition from an after Christmas sale).

Today at the eye doctor, I felt a similar freedom from this new approach. I'm still covered on my City insurance plan which covers an eye exam and gives an allowance for new frames with a $15 copay. I wanted to stick to the insurance coverage with no extra charges. So when they suggested this new thing or that new gadet, I could calmly and honestly say "no thanks." When it came to picking out new frames, I knew that I wanted plastic frames (metal ones irritate my skin) within the $120 insurance allowance. That pretty much narrowed down my selected to 5 pairs of glasses which made my selection much easier! And believe it or not, I was still able to pick out some fairly snazzy frames. The whole experience reminded me of the simplicity of making menu selections when dining out in the years when I was a vegetarian.

Most likely one reason I am able to embrace this approach is that I've been on the path to simplicity for some time now. It started when I began to get serious about paying off my credit card debt. What I have always been astounded by is how much happier I am when I'm not focused on feeding into the consumer frenzy of American culture. It's counter intuitive, but oh so true in my experience.

how quickly we forget

I was searching for some resources for a Lenten Penance Service we're planning at our Intercommunity Novitiate Program on Ash Wednesday. One of the resources that came up??? A Lenten Reflection Guide that I wrote for my parish in 2004! I was actually able to plagiarize a bit from my own work!

Since 2004 and 2007 have the same liturgical readings, this reflection guide would work for this year as well. If you're interested, it's called "Journey Towards a Simple Life".

"The main inspiration behind this reflection guide is simply this - rather than giving up one particular luxury or habit this Lenten season, why not focus on living more simply each of the 40 days and perhaps even beyond. What daily practice(s) can you bring to your life during these 40 days to move closer to a simpler life as a follower of Jesus Christ?"

You can download it for free from my former parish's website. (As a side note, writing this reflection guide was one of my first big clues that God might have some other plan in mind for me. I started working on it and before I knew it, it was done. It's like it wrote itself!)