The big changes on the horizon are coming closer and closer. Despite my many earlier freak outs (which I’m sure will be repeated in some variation at various points on this journey), I am surprisingly centered and at peace about this all. Even the whole moving to New Jersey part! Or the not being in control of the events of my immediate and foreseeable future. It’s like I know deep down in my heart that this is what I’m supposed to do. All will be well, in fact all will be better than well.
But while I wouldn’t say I’m anxious or worried or overly sad or fearful, I have had insomnia and a serious loss of appetite, which happens sometimes when I’m stressed. But I think it’s more “eustress” than “distress”:
eustress (noun): stress that is deemed healthful or giving one the feeling of fulfillment
I think it was the eustress about taking this amazing leap of faith that gave me the efficiency and energy I needed to sort through 12 car loads of rummage and empty my house. It was the eustress that helped me to clear out my cubicle of 8 years over the 4th of July weekend. And it was the eustress that got me through my goodbye party last Saturday. But it’s also causing the insomnia, associated grogginess, etc… Which is to be expected and is not unwelcome as it has been useful. I just need to be attuned to it. Three more days at work. And 11 days before I’m received as a Novice and become “Sister Susan.” Crazy!!! No wonder!
The question of the day though … would I rather have complicated stress dreams or insomnia?
2 comments:
What a healthy perspective! Thanks for sharing it. For a period when I was going on live-ins in the late 80s, I never had insomnia except when I got to the convent. I'd manage through a weekend, but it definitely stressed me because I'd be so tired the next day but didn't want to tell anyone how poorly I'd slept. Silly, right? But eventually I made peace with not being able to sleep and then the insomnia lessened.
I know I haven't been commenting much lately, but know that I've been thinking VERY much of you as these days wind down. Again, as always, my offer of socks still stands.
Blessings!
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