holding the beginning

Normally I have a view from my little prayer corner in my room here at the Novitiate House of the George Washington Bridge and the NYC Skyline. Well, actually I have a "winter view" as the leaves block the view in the summer. Today, all I see are the bare branches covered in fog. A dense rich pea soup kind of fog that is still sticking around at 3:00 in the afternoon. But just because all I can see is the fog doesn't mean the bridge and the City still aren't there ... I just can't see them.

I think that happens to all of us at times. Our 'views' get obstructed by worries, anxieties, and fears. We can even become overwhelmed by the fog. We can lose hope. I know I do and can.

Which is probably why I was so struck by this line from one of the daily liturgical readings this past week:

Encourage yourselves daily while it is still “today,”
so that none of you may grow hardened by the deceit of sin.
We have become partners of Christ
if only we hold the beginning of the reality firm until the end. (Hebrews 3)

I've been sitting with that in prayer. "Hold the beginning of the reality firm until the end."

We know what was in the beginning;

"In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth..."

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God."

And yet, sometimes we can lose sight of God's presence in our lives. We can lose our beginnings. In the worries of the day, we can get lost.

Paul's advice in Hebrews is simple yet powerful. Encourage yourself while it is still today. Hold the beginning of the reality until the end.

Applied to my current situation in life, living in this alternative reality of canonical novitiate, I can sometimes lose sight of why I am here. Back to my mantra for this time, I'm not entering the community to be a novice, I am a novice to enter the community. It helps to remember why I'm here. Those moments of consolation and happiness when I realized, yes this is what I'm meant to do. This community is where I make sense.

Sometimes, the fog even lifts and the sun shines through and then, it's easier to hold on to the beginning.

Random thoughts this day ... now it's time to head back downstairs to watch the Seahawks game. Half time should be over.