Pedro Arupe, Belle & Sebastian & Me

I'm one of those folks who was raised Catholic, 12 years of Catholic school, felt alienated and pushed away, left for a long time, and somehow found their way back. Returned catholic, relapsed catholic, recovered Catholic, Catholic-again, whatever you want to call it. To be honest, when I found my way back I was just going along for the ride. Wasn't intending to start going to church again, let alone become the "church geek" that I am today. Or considering a religious vocation for that matter ... I would have said you were crazy!

But it seems that God was calling me into relationship even back then. That must be what drew me back. I was going through old journals the other day from the year 2000. This entry was from about 6 months after I first found my way back to the church:

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm called to have a relationship with God. I can't ignore it. I don't want to ignore it. I'm so excited to see where it takes me. Where I go. Who I meet along the way. What wonderful things I can accomplish with the peace and strength and guidance I get from God and my fellow travellers on earth.

It's interesting to read that entry now. Looking back, I think "Hello, religious vocation anyone?!" but at the time, I was freaked out enough about just being Catholic again! It was really hard for me to trust in something as untangible and ephemeral as the whole God thing. But the more I did just that, trusted in God and opened myself to God's wonderous love, the more this crazy world started to make sense. As the Pedro Arupe quote goes:

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of the bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."

How true. Or in the words of those secular theological geniuses (the Scottish pop groud Belle & Sebastian), if you find yourself caught in love, say a prayer to the man above...

If you find yourself caught in love
Say a prayer to the man above
Thank him for everything you know
You should thank him for every breath you blow ...

If you don’t listen to the voices then my friend
You’ll soon run out of choices
What a pity it would be
You talk of freedom don’t you see
The only freedom that you’ll ever really know
Is written in books from long ago
Give up your will to Him that loves you
Things will change, I’m not saying overnight
But something has to give
You’re too good looking not to live

Ok, so the Belle & Sebsastian song is a bit heavy on the masculine God language but there have
been times when this one song sums it all up for me. God's calling me into relationship and it's a relationship of love. If I am able to trust in that love, co-create life with God, then amazing things are bound to happen. The last line is a bit silly (you're too good looking not to live) but in a way it's true. All God's creatures are beautiful and we're all calling into the fullness of life. Sometimes it just takes a giant leap of faith.