Messy Meditation

This morning was our last Pax Christi Lenten Silent Prayer for Peace. A small but cozy group, praying for half an hour in a busy downtown Portland square as office workers whisk by and leaf blowers do their thing around us.

This morning I had a hard time being silent - at least inside. I couldn't get into the groove. "Be still and know that I am God," but I ended up wondering what I was going to make for dinner tonight (I'm thinking turkey sloppy joes) and drafting a memo for work in my head. I told myself to stop that, to pray for peace in our hearts, our families, our world. Decided to try a silent rosary. But even then, anxious thoughts entered my head, causing me to lose track of my hail mary's. Pretty complicated anxious thoughts about how I'm going to get out of debt, how soon I'll be able to start candidacy, how hard it will be to leave Portland and my friends and my parish. Not very peaceful.

Ugghh…. In the end I decided that in cases such as this, the thought counts. And I pray for more peace of mind and the strength to really in my heart of hearts believe in the power of prayer and whatever it takes to follow through.

I think a trip to daily noon mass is in order today at my lunch hour. I need some quiet time with God.

1 comment:

Steve Bogner said...

Sometimes the monkey-mind is hard to let go of! I have trouble with it still, and have just come to accept that sometimes I'm not all that good at just releasing all those cares and distractions. I always have hope that next time I'll get better at it.