Every once in a while it hits me … what I’m considering here. Some day I’m going to have to pack up (my simplified amount of junk) and skip town. Leaving my job I think won’t be that hard. Except that I’ve been a bureaucrat for 10 years and I work with great people, so I know it will be tough. More than that though will be leaving my parish. My friends. My college town. My neighborhood where I’ve lived for 10 years this month. My favorite solitary walking paths. My local coffee shop where they know my usual. In case you haven’t guessed yet, I just had one of those moments where it does in fact hit me. Hard.
I know this is the path I’m meant to be on. And when I’m with the community I feel such contentment and sense of rightness in my gut. I can sense glimmers of what’s to come. This call to religious life continues to make more and more sense with this community of fun dedicated holy women.
But it will be TOUGH all the same. It’s not happening anytime soon. First of course I need to be accepted as a candidate. Then there will be the candidacy year, which might get extended if I haven’t managed to pay off my debt. So there’s a while still. I owe it to myself to live in the present moment. Excited about the not yet, but stopping to smell the roses in the now.
I’m headed on a groovy sister field trip this weekend. Our vocation director and the other 2 pre-candidates are driving down from Seattle to pick me up, and then we’re going 2 hour south to visit the sisters who live in Eugene. Perfect timing as I think some time with community is just what the doctor ordered.
I might check in tomorrow before I go. If not, I’ll try to check in Sunday.
Have a happy, safe and blessed weekend everyone.
Peace Out,
Susan
PS – Please keep my almost Paulist friends in your prayers. Brandon and his fellow novices make their first promises on Saturday.
PPS – Saturday is also the 60th Anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima, Japan. Join me in saying a few prayers for peace.
5 comments:
This is an article I wrote for my Young Adult group's newsletter the summer before I entered. For some reason, the newsletters are no longer posted, but I found them through the web-archive. It's a PDF file; my thing is on page 5. Anyway, it's from a time where all I could think about was all that I was leaving, and I hadn't had my nun-fix to remind me of what I was going TO. Your post made me think of it -- I had almost forgotten about it.
It's funny -- our vocation director gave a presentation to catechists today, and she talked about how fear is not of God, but peace. "But not the 'warm-fuzzy' kind of peace, just that deep peace." Yeah, it's tough ... but worth it!
Have a good trip ... continued blessings on this journey.
http://web.archive.org/web/20040509230945/mywebpages.comcast.net/slsjyam/Documents/Newsletters/Summer2002_Newsletter.pdf
Oops ... don't know my HTML link-making yet --- sorry!
http://web.archive.org/web/20040509230945/mywebpages.comcast.net/slsjyam/Documents/Newsletters/Summer2002_Newsletter.pdf
Steph, Thanks so much for the link. A great article that I get very much.
It's funny. I was talking to a friend tonight. She asked me how I was doing. I'd just written this post so I was honest that I'd just had a slight freak out. (And then mopped the floor). She actually seemed relieved that I freak out sometimes. If I was always completely calm and at peace with this major life change, that would be worrying in itself. I just need to keep on this journey. Continue to be open to the spirit. Pray. Pray some more. And God will help me figure out the rest I think.
By the way, I grew up in Bowie, Maryland. I so totally miss blue crabs. Every once in a while I forget and order a "Maryland Style" crabcake out west and it's just not. They don't get it.
Peace,
Susan
susan, what i find most fascinating is the fact this *takes* so long - please don't misunderstand me, it's one of those things you cannot decide quickly because if you did, then there'd be a lot of "convent drop-outs."
however, i always thought (before meeting you here) that if you made the decision to become a nun or enter into a religious order, some studying would take place (like seminary) and voila! you're a nun.
i was so wrong; thank you for turning the light onto my ignorance.
i have only been walking this walk with you for a short while and see what the discernment process really is. you are a prayerful woman of God and i think you'll be an amazing sister.
(you'll still be able to drink your favorite coffee, won't you? are you taking a vow of poverty?)
Susan...this reminds me so much of my internal battles before ordination, as I tried to persuade myself that I could manage with "part time" non stipendiary ministry,which would allow us to stay on in our family home, with all the securities we'd built up there. For years and years that house was my bottom line with God...then one day I woke up and found that it didn't matter at all in comparison with the need to live my calling with every bit of me, all day,every day. And that felt soo good, even though I did cry on removal day;-)
Blessings x
Post a Comment