10.18.2005

rambling

I think I’m at a new point on this journey. Well, we’re all at a new point of our journey every day. That’s the nature of journey. This weekend however the enormity of the implication of my dad’s financial help hit me. This time next year, I’ll be in novitiate. Beyond that, the enormity of what I’m doing here hit me …. as a candidate, I’m already in initial formation. I’m chewing on what that means. Had a great meeting with my spiritual director this morning. Mostly though I can tell that my inner me is working through it all. I’m not freaking out, and I know in my heart that this is my path. Rather than just sensing glimmers of my future, I know in my heart that it is my job to discern this path, my future, where I will be free to be most fully me and serve God and God’s people. But it’s not just me (as if it ever was anymore). I’m moving from supposed independence to interdependence and freeing as that is, it’s also quite scary. The unknown I guess. Rambling. I don’t really have formed thoughts on this all, so not quite sure why I’m even bothering to post about it. Praying about it, that’s what I should be doing. Blogging as prayer? Perhaps. Hmmm…

The groovy sister constitutions give me a good context for prayer in the face of the hugeness of this:
"Formation is a life-long process of creative growth as we participate in mission of Jesus Christ through the vowed life. We believe that the Holy Spirit leads each of us to an integrity of life expressive of the wholeness of peace."

And so I pray. To Jesus my brother, for the strength and grace to answer his call and follow him on this path. The path where I know I will find my peace, the wholeness through which I can help build God’s kindom. And I pray to the Holy Spirit, for openness of heart. For trust in the process and the unknown. For wisdom. For patience.

This is going to be a wild ride. Good thing I have such wonderful companions and sources of support for the journey.

Peace,
Susan

2 comments:

Steph said...

Anything I can do .... know that I'm here.

Peace out and good luck!

Richard said...

Gotta love those "Aha!" moments ... keeps us on our toes. The way you are sharing your experience is wonderful - it really conveys the movement of the Holy Spirit in your life. Thank you for including us in your journey. God Bless!