trust

I've been so focused on work lately, that I haven't been giving a lot of conscious attention to what is just there under the surface ... like the disciples I am fearful yet overjoyed at the changes on the horizon. I know in my heart of hearts that God is calling me on this journey with these amazing women. Too many things have fallen into place. I feel too much at home. Who I am makes so much sense. This has to be part of the plan ...

.... and yet, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't scared to death of the changes ahead. Part of it is simply that things are changing and I'm not in charge (as if I ever was). I have a tendency to be a control freak and to want things planned out at least 10 steps ahead, so this is a huge growing experience for me. Part of it also is that I will be part of the first ever common novitiate at the Congregation level since the beginning of the groovy sisters. This is an exciting development and bodes well for our future as a Congregation. But it also means, I'm realizing, that those in charge are going through just as many transitions and unknowns. Many things they quite frankly haven't figured out. As a result, I know surprisingly little about what lies ahead. Those who are entering an established novitiate can ask the current novices or say, so what will our days be like? Whereas as I ask the questions and most often (being the ten steps ahead control freak I am) they haven't gotten that far yet and don't have an answer. Like I said this is a huge growing experience for me.

But this today's readings remind me ... it's not up to us. "Do not be afraid," Jesus tells us. He's out there, on the sea walking on the water, keeping us calm. And so I pray, in the words of today's Psalm....

Lord, let your mercy be on us, as we place our trust in you.