36

Well since the work day is (finally) over, it's now 35. That's the number of working days I have left as Susan Rose, Bureaucrat. I was commenting to a coworker that I've got more than 2 months left. She proceeded to actually count the number of days, excluding holidays, groovy sister reserve Fridays, weekends and planned vacations, which worked out to 36 days including today. So now it's 35.

Wow. It's funny. I've been ready to quit for ages. Years before the active recognition of the vocation even. I've bitched. I've moaned. But when it comes down to it, I have so much I want to get done in those 35 days. Want to ... not have to. I sat down with my boss last week to prioritize what needs to get done, because I realize it can't all get done. The best I can do is leave detailed notes and well wishes for the new guy when all is said and done. A lesson in detachment I suppose.

Plus, I'm plain going to miss the place. Today I was walking towards City Hall from a direction that I don't take much (I'd dropped off my accident report at DMV). And I was reminded of the day in 1993 when I first went to City Hall for an interview. You see, not only have I worked there for 11 years, but I was an intern in the Mayor's Office in college!!!

As I was thinking back to that shy, unsure of herself 19 year old woman, I realized that no matter how much I've bitched and moaned about the place, I owe my job, supervisors, coworkers, candidates, treasurers, reporters, and citizens so much. Many of my "best" traits have been a result of my time and experiences as a bureaucrat. I've learned to listen, to care, to prioritize, to organize, to compromise, to present thoughts and ideas concretely, to be straightforward and assertive. Most of all it gave me the time, space, and abilities to grow further into the me I'm meant to be. While working at the City I went through therapy, explored other religions, found my way back to the Catholic Church, transformed into the ultimate church and peace & justice geek, journeyed with my mom through cancer, said goodbye to my mom, and found myself exploring a religious vocation. My coworkers may not have understood any/most of that journey, but they were there for me and with me every step of the way. I think it was the safe/secure/predictable government job that freed me up to follow along the windy path.

This morning I had to laugh, as I thought back to 19 year old me. What if I went back in time and told her that walking in that door of 1220 SW Fifth Avenue for that first interview would put her on a path to one day becoming a Catholic Sister. Bitter ex-Catholic agnostic that I was at the time, I'm sure I wouldn't have believed it. God's quite tricky at geting us on the paths we're meant to walk.

And for the next 2 months and 3 days (or 35 working days), I'm meant to walk the path of a bureaucrat. Hopefully I can find the time to enjoy it.