faces

I sometimes share that I'm in the midst of "unbloggable" thoughts. This post is an attempt to put one aspect of the unbloggable situation into words - without giving any real details - so bear with me.

One of the most useful things I've learned in the past 6 months of Novitiate is the different faces of the Self and the Ego. (This comes from one of our presenters, Br. Don Bisson who shared 5 sessions on personal integration last semester and 5 sessions on community this semester).

The face of the Ego is
Fear
Attachment
Control
Entitlement

The face of the Self is
Freedom
Acceptance
Compassion
Energy

I have no intention of getting into any details, but let's just say that there's been a bit of odd dynamics in the house lately. We're all on these inner journeys, and it's a bit messy when they collide - enough said.

This morning in prayer I had one of those Homer Simpson "D'oh" moments. I realized that I'd been approaching some of the messiness from a place of control and entitlement. Big time, but I'd been fooling myself into thinking I was grounded in my Self and open. It was the other that was feeling entitled, it was the other that was controlling.

That may very well be true, but if I honestly looked at where my own being has been grounded, it's been in trying to fix everything (control) and annoyed that other's people stuff is impacting me (entitlement). I've been drained (no energy). I've been angry and frustrated (limited compassion).

Hmmm.... food for thought and prayer. My prayer this morning was based on the "Face" of the Self:

Loving God, you know what I don't know. You know what I need even if I can't put it into words. Help me. Guide me. Lead me to the freedom to accept where others are on their journeys with compassion. Ground me in your love and your energy so that I may live gently and walk humbly with you.