tree update

The tree outside my window here at the Novitiate House has gone through quite a bit of transformation this year. The obvious analogy is true ... so have I.

When I arrived the tree was filled with somewhat ugly green leaves. In the fall the leaves turned a rusty orange and fell one by one until one day a big storm caused the rest of the leaves to fall, leaving me with a beautiful view of the NYC skyline.

Spring has sprung, and my tree is showing new life. Oddly enough, however, the new life is in the form of what looks like little baby droopy pom-poms. Even the color is odd - they are a mustard yellow. There are other forms of new life. Over the past few days I've noticed a number of birds and squirrels checking out the newly transformed tree. In fact as I write a squirelley friend is scampering up one of the branches and nibbling on the mustard colored pom-pom type things. Guess they taste good (to squirrels that is) even if they look strange to me.

I must say I was surprised by the droopy pom-pom development, just as I have been surprised by my own development these past eight months. In the fall I wrote:

Cliched as it may seem, I'm feeling a bit like my tree this morning. I came with lots of leaves - expectations, past history, hopes, fears, demons, etc... They weren't all the healthiest of leaves. One by one though my leaves began to transform. Two and 1/2 months into this experience, and I am not the same person. This is of course not to say there hasn't been, and doesn't continue to be, resistance to the change. Who will I be? How will I be? Only God knows the answers to those questions.

The transformation is by no means complete, it continues each day. At the moment it seems like my leaves have fallen and my branches are bare - the inner journey can feel that way at times. But that process also allows you to see beyond the trees. Winter is coming, but so is Spring and Summer and another Fall.

It turns out that what I was worried about wasn't that big of a deal. It also seems that while I thought I knew where I needed to grow and transform, God had other plans. You could say that I've developed my own surprising mustard colored pom-poms, and I'm just waiting to see what happens next.

And so continues this wonderful crazy journey of following that Jesus guy ... ;)