musically inspired deep thoughts of the day

I've been at a loss for what to write these days ... too much going through my head and heart really as I wind down my time here in the UK and prepare to return to the Novitiate House. So ... I'm turning to my trusty random music selector to set the tone, or is it tune?

Song # 1: Stand by REM

Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around
If wishes were trees the trees would be falling
Listen to reason
Season is calling

I didn't even know I HAD this song anymore! What this song says to me is similar to this post a while back - stand in the present moment. There's a temptation to think too much about certain unbloggable situations in the past or to jump too far into the unknown yet very near future (let alone the also unknown yet not so near future). But if I listen to reason, I come to know the simple truth Jesus shares with us in the 6th chapter of Matthew: "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself."

Song # 2: Shimmer by Throwing Muses

I'll ride on a pony till I'm dusty and I'm old
My head is filled with flowers
And I'm dressed in shiny gold
I'm dressed in shiny gold
Keep an eye on me
I shimmer on horizons

Another oldie but goodie, this one from a more obscure band (and one of my all time favorites). I'm me and I'm human and I'm going to keep riding my pony so to speak, dwelling on the past and thinking about the future. I can acknowledge the wisdom in the words from the wise man from Nazareth, and yet I keep following the same old contrary and maddening patterns. Rather than beat myself up over my pesky patterns, what this song reminds me is of is another simple truth - this one from my post vatican 2 pseudo catechism classes ... God loves me. I'm dressed in shiny gold. I shimmer on horizons. Keep an eye on me.

Song # 3: Call and Answer by Bare Naked Ladies

I think it's getting to the point where I can be myself again.

Very fitting. I was just reading my journal entries for the past three months, and I do feel like I'm beginning to integrate the me I was before with the me I'm becoming - if that makes any sense at all. There's a lot of wisdom to spending 3 months away in a new environment doing new things with new people after spending 12 months in the retreat setting of the canonical novitiate. Any congregational leadership or formation personnel reading this are probably saying a sarcastic "Thanks Susan for pointing out our wisdom!." I can't even articulate the experience, except to say that this line catches its essence: I think it's getting to the point where I can be myself again. Not that I wasn't myself before, but I'm becoming more myself.

Song # 4: Impossible Germany by Wilco

But this is what love is for
To be out of place
Gorgeous and alone
Face to face
With no larger problems
That need to be erased
Nothing more important than to know
Someone's listening
Now I know
You'll be listening

When you get down to it, this entirely wonderful yet crazy journey is about one thing and one thing only ... Love. Love changes you - love is changing me. Last week the words that kept coming back to me in my reflection time were what it really means to "love God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Even writing that it stops me ... it's such an awesome statement. I started to think of the vows as one way to do that - to really love God, to really love neighbor - it certainly got me thinking. And listening. It's good to remember that our relationship with the big guy is just that, a relationship. It takes two to tango, as they say. God loves me, but how do I love God? God listens, but do I listen to God?

Song #5: Something to Believe in by Shawn Colvin

There will always be stars in the wind
Little lines on your face when you grin
When it looks like you've done it again
And you just don't know where to begin
There will always be something to believe in

I love this song. When it looks like you've done it again and you don't know where to begin, there will always be something to believe in. God loves us more than we can imagine. If I, if we, can just hold onto that, all shall be well.