Musings of a Discerning Woman: Tuning In

2.01.2009

Tuning In - Five Months Later

It's February, which means it's five months since I left the Novitiate and started my ministry here in Seattle. And almost four months since I professed my first vows as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace. And you know what .... I'm happy. Really happy.

Funny thing about happiness ... it's hard to put words on it. So I thought I'd try my trusty random music generator for inspiration.

Song # 1 - Brian Wilson by Bare Naked Ladies

So I'm lying here, just staring at the ceiling tiles.
and I'm thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile,
and I'm wondering if this is some kind of creative drought

As I woke up this morning in my little room here at groovy sister hq I thought .. I'm happy. I sat in my room, looking around at my small collection of things. I thought to the Sisters in their rooms nearby, most probably up already chatting over coffee in the dining room. I turned on the radio and listened to npr - one of my favorite Sunday morning past times. A good way to start the day.

Song # 2 - Peace Peace by Sara Groves

Peace Peace it’s hard to find
trouble comes like wrecking ball
to you peace of mind
and all that worry you can’t leave behind

all your hopes and fears
all your hopes and fears
all your hopes and fears
are met in Him tonight

That's not to say I don't have worries or wonderings or concerns. As I was lying in bed I found myself thinking about all the things I need to do. For one thing - my room is a bit untidy and could use some attention. More than that I've got some projects at work that I need to get serious about. Then there are the people in my life that I care about and are facing tough times. And the world in general - I was listening to the radio after all, which carried lots of cares and concerns from across the globe into my room. But then, just as the song says, I realized .... all my hopes and fears are met in my loving God. I don't need to figure it all out. That doesn't mean I don't need to be present and pay attention, but when my worry machine gets revving up that's a reminder to me that I just need to spend some time in prayer. It doesn't make it all go away, but it does make it all that much more manageable. God is God, I am not. A good thing to remember.

Song # 3 - Someday You Will be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known

Yesterday I went for a long walk in the neighborhood. The sky was blue. The sun was shining. The trees were reaching to the sky in all their majesty. And I felt again - as if for the first time - the love like nothing I could ever imagine. God is in the mix.

Song # 4 - The Shining by Badly Drawn Boy

And suddenly you're in love with everything

And suddenly, I realized that just as God loves me and God loves the world, I love God. And I love the world. Which is what drew me here, to this life. Which in turn makes me feel that much more loved, and ready to love the world that much more.

Song # 5 - Say it Ain't So by Weezer