Sometimes people just disappoint you. You count on them and sometimes, just at the crucial time when it really matters, they fall through. Sometimes they even appear to have no clue what they’ve done/haven’t done. I’ll save you the gory details, but I’m in that space right now. And what’s bothering me most of all is how angry I can get. You don’t want to lash out. You don’t want to bottle it up. You don’t want to be angry, but you are. What to do?
Well, in this particular situation I just tried to find space away from the person. I didn’t trust myself to be "Christian." Now that I’m home I turned to my old friend Henri Nouwen. Following my old trick, I flipped to the table of contents page of "The Inner Voice of Love" and happened upon this:
"Say Often, ‘Lord Have Mercy’": You wonder what to do when you feel attacked on all sides by seemingly irresistible forces, waves that cover you and want to sweep you off your feet. Sometimes these waves … consist of anger, resentment, or even the desire for revenge… The waves make you feel like a powerless child abandoned by your parents. What are you to do? Make the conscious choice to move the attention of your anxious heart away from these waves and direct it to the One who walks on them and says, ‘It’s me. Don’t be Afraid.’ Keep turning your eyes to him and go on trusting that he will bring peace to your heart. Look at him and say, ‘Lord have mercy.’ Say it again and again, not anxiously but with confidence that he is very close to you and will put your soul to rest.
And so I do.
Lord have mercy.
Amen.
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