Last year my friend and then pastor Fr. Steve came down to City Hall to have lunch. My coworker Toni (a cradle catholic) had heard me talk about him over the years, and I think found it curious that I was having lunch with my priest. She was on the look out to get a peak at him. She saw me talking to someone at our front counter but assumed it was a citizen. When I came back from lunch, she was surprised that the casually dressed gentleman was in fact Fr. Steve. She was slightly put off that he wasn’t wearing his collar. "What if I’d said something offensive to him" she said.
I of course asked her why she’s saying things that are offensive to people, collar or not. I also said that it was his day off and he was having lunch with a friend … why should he wear an uncomfortable piece of cardboard just so that others know they should "be on their best behavior" around him.
But her reaction was not surprising. We treat priests and religious differently. We’re careful what we say around them. And we expect certain things from them. We expect them to be "holy" people. And we feel better when we can easily identify them. Collar. Habit. Cross and that "nun-look" for the non-habited sisters.
This is of course more interesting to me these days as I discern religious life myself. And as more people learn about this path I’m on, I’m already noticing subtle differences in how people act around me. And I’m not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand it’s cool that my sister called me to ask me to pray for her mother-in-law who’s having cancer surgery. She never would have done that before. But on the other hand, it was weird when my brother was going to tell me a joke but stopped mid sentence when he realized it was slightly sacrilegious. I don’t want him to censor himself with me. I’m still me after all. And it was a funny joke (once I made him tell me anyway).
Something tells me this is only the beginning. Hmmm…..
6 comments:
You are talking about developing pastoral identity. Not a very easy thing to do but it will happen. It happens to us and in us. I suppose it took me at least ten years to become comfortable with it.
I evaluate myself in light of my pastoral identity all the time. It's second nature now. Not that I "put on holiness" but I remember that my calling is holy and I'm an embodiment of this.
We discussed something like this in my preacher's group yesterday when we were discussing a very dull sexual ethics workshop put on by the denomination to satisfy the insurance people. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing as a pastor (or in your Mom role, or as shopper or whatever) we represent God. Love demands that we be aware of our representation (however poor) and not use this power to harm.
In an ideal world, every Christian knows that they represent God to others but somehow it's been easier to say the "professional" believers really do and so we feel "off the hook" from being representatives.
Not an easy topic you discuss here but one with many implications for all of us. Thanks.
As a lay minister I found it somewhat disturbing when my friends started calling me to ask me to pray for them when they never had before, or even when one came to me to ask some advice about her impending marriage to a Jewish man. A few have asked me to find priests for them for spiritual direction, weddings, etc.
The interesting thing that I find is that few of them ever show interest in spiritual matters if I bring them up. I guess we are a consumer society these days and we may be just a relgious commodity.
Or perhaps we are more. Many friends from my radio career days talked to me and mentioned how much more peaceful I appear to them since I started working in ministry. So they see a visible change in me and I think many of them crave that same peace.
so susan - you gonna wear a habit??
i remember the first time i found out that priests and religious drank alcoholic drinks - the sister i was questioning during my rcia class (i was a student at the time) about fell off her chair laughing :)
you bring up a brillian point though - why would we be on our best behavior simply because we *know* someone is a priest (or religious)? shouldn't we always?
Penni - Nope, no plans to wear a habit. The groovy sisters wear simple street clothes, a silver ring and at times a peace cross for "identification." To be honest I have no interest in wearing a habit. I respect that some might be drawn to orders with habits for a variety of reasons. Just not me - for a variety of reasons.
St Casserole - thanks for the input and sharing your experience. It helps to realize that it's a natural process and that it not only happens TO us, it happens within us.
Mike - There's definitely something to that "peaceful" thing. People notice and I think you're right, they are attracted to it. Folks who have no idea what I'm discerning have nevertheless noticed how much more at peace I am. And even before I announced my plans, I had friends notice something who started talking to me more/asking more advice on spiritual matters.
you can't count on me never to censor myself in front of you. that wouldn't be "me." :)
Oh great sandwich! - so long as you still go out for the occasional beer for me and tell me funny stories I'll forgive the occasional self-censoring!
It is your fault I'm Catholic after all!
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