I had a slight freak out at lunch. Actually it started before. I was at my desk, working diligently on a project that never seems to end when all of a sudden it hit me … The enormity of the crazy fact that I'm considering chucking this admittedly boring bureaucratic life to join the groovy sisters. It wasn't so much a case of the "What the hell am I doings" (which do come along sometimes), but rather a case of "How weird is this" combined with a "How on earth am I going to sort this all out" with a pinch of "What does this all really mean."
I then had to go to a going away party for a coworker moving on to a new and better job. Ugghh…. makes me wonder what my party will be like. Which brings up the fact that there are so many people at work I haven't told about this journey 'o mine.
Anyway, I snuck out early to go to daily mass which has me feeling much better. The image that came back to me was the one from Henri Nouwen I've written about here before. Basically, as I face the waves of doubt or confusion or anxiety or uncertainty, I can make the concious choice to move away from my anxious heart and look across the water and see Jesus. Coming towards me. Walking on the waves. Hands outstretched saying "It's me. Don't be afraid." I can't tell you how much that helps.
And now back to work, which has waves of a different sort. Luckily he helps with those too!
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