Went to my parish reconciliation service tonight. It included a communal service with opportunities for individual confession. I’ll leave the details between me & God (and the priest) but it got me thinking. What do I think about this sacrament? What do you think about it?
My first experiences with it were less than lackluster. I remember standing in line with my Catholic school classmates trading sins to confess. In High School I rarely went, although I do remember one particularly meaningful encounter with a priest who really seemed to listen, care, and have something useful to impart. Then nothing for years. Being a lapsed Catholic kind of ruled out the whole concept of confessing my sins to a man in a collar.
When I came back to the Church, I was dubious about this particular sacrament. Why did I need a man to mediate my reconciliation with God and my fellow human beings. At the time my parish had these awesome communal reconciliation services which involved a laying on of hands. That made sense to me – reconciling with God through my community. This was a way for me to get a handle on the sacrament, and eventually I found myself drawn to occasional individual confession as well. There were a few situations/times in my life where it has been a great tool on my path with God. On the one hand I think it’s good to be accountable to someone else, rather than just between me & God. Talking to another human being gets it to a certain level of honesty. And then there’s the pastoral counseling and advice that goes on – usually quite helpful. But that can happen with a friend or trusted ear. There is something more to this whole sacrament thing though. Can’t explain it, but having experienced it, there’s just something. Which I’m guessing is why it exists in the first place.
Incoherent thoughts this evening. Anyone else want to share their thoughts on penance, reconciliation, confession, whatever it is we’re calling it these days?
14 comments:
That's so weird, I was just thinking yesterday, "I wonder if Susan has ever written anything about Confession?" I guess because the fact that I definitely under-partake of this particular sacrament is something that I'll have to confront if I continue along the "life in the Church" path. So I'm glad you did write about it today! I appreciate its value in the objective sense, but that rarely translates to action on my part... right now the biggest sin I'd feel compelled to confess is how long it's been since my last confession!
I have mixed feelings about this sacrament, Susan.
You know about anam chara? It means "soul friend" in Irish and in the Irish church one chose a confessor from among the community, not just among ordained priests. That makes perfect sense to me as an adult. Most women I know have deep personal friendships. It is there that we confess our sins, talk them out, and figure out how to fix them. Women have always done this. We forgive, we absolve each other.
But have you ever tried having a soul-to-soul with a man? Most of the ones I know, even my Beloved, are just not on the same wavelength. They are more about destination than journey. The ones I know don't get intimate conversation. So reconciliation with a male priest is a tough one, particularly in a church which places such emphasis on "sexual" sins.
The best confessor I ever had started out by saying that he wasn't interested in hearing any sexual sins, they were between me and my Beloved, but what else was on my mind? Him, I love. He has become a family friend, so he understands my family, my life, my vocation, my concerns. I can confess my sins without all the background explanation.
I have had some bad experiences in reconciliation, stayed away for 10 years and finally returned -- it wasn't worth it. The priest who wouldn't answer my question and dismissed it as unimportant. The priest who tried to answer my question but was obviously embarassed to be alone in a room with a woman. I know a catholic activist who was deeply conflicted about the authority of the church and the ordination of women, and confessed this - she was told to go home and just look after her husband & kids and everything would be ok. No discussion, no explanation, no advice.
I think that confession is good for the soul. But it doesn't need to be to a priest. It needs to be to another human - another member of the community. But I think i should be able to pick a member of the community that I trust.
I am going to a reconciliation service with my mother tomorrow. We won't stay for private confession, but that's ok. We'll probably have a long chat afterwards over lunch.
The funny thing is, I had great experiences at confession as a kid. I loved it all through high school and university.
But adulthood? Marriage? Intellectual struggles? Nope. Priests just don't seem to want to know. So I won't bother telling them.
Sorry that was so long. Hmmm...that was quite cathartic. Almost confessional, one might say.
;-)
Oh, I forgot to mention -- my Beloved (the convert) loves confession! I really think it's the only time men get to have intimate conversations together!
So I made him prepare the kids for this sacrament (I did communion and confirmation).
My girls are all okay with reconciliation. It will be interesting to see if that lasts into marriage.
I, too, have a problem with confession. I remember playing a game once with some people: 'If you had one hour left to live, what would you do?' People said various things as see their family, have sex with a certain person, what have you...
Mine was, 'Find a priest.'
Interestingly, even when I haven't gone to church, I still go to confession. Mostly because I'm afraid of what will happen to my soul if I die having not gone to church. But now it's not as important... right? I mean the going to Mass part.
And most of all, I have a hard time believing that 'forgiven' truly means FORGIVEN. Do we still have to go to purgatory for those sins that we've confessed but are still pretty bad, because of the 'residue'?
My husband adamantly refuses to go to confession, but then many good men in my life always have. Maybe I just have the need for it because I think so darn much!
My parish also had a communal reconciliation service last night. The readings and homily were so good I was really ready for confession.
I've been blessed because my confessor is also my spiritual director. I think he knows me better than anyone else on earth. When I go to confession, I'm there with someone who knows me, accepts me, and loves me and I can't help but think that if I were sitting down with Jesus it would feel very much the same way. "Let's talk about what's happening, let's talk about what's troubling you, and now go forward knowing that God loves you and forgives you."
I feel like I have no business commenting here since I notice all of the commenters are female, and I am a male, but I cannot let one statement in particular go by. Talmida said: "I really think it's the only time men get to have intimate conversations together!"
I can assure you that there are at least some men who can and often do have intimate conversations with each other. And I as a man consider myself blessed to have a few of the kind of "deep personal friendships" that Talmida writes of in which we are open, and "forgive and absolve" each other.
I am also all about the journey and not just the destination and I happen to know other men who are as well. There are in fact some of us who do "get" intimate conversation.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound cranky or defensive. It's just that I know all too well the shortcomings of the male gender, and I have spent much of my life trying to become something other, something not like many man I know.
I will go back to my corner now.
Peace to you ladies
a,
You're right, I was generalizing.
I should have said that the only men I know well (i.e., the men in my family) do not have intimate conversational-type friendships with other men.
It was a mistake to assume that all other men are the same. I apologize.
What insightful and polite commenters I have!
Peace and thanks to you all.
In the ELCA we have a rubric for one-on-one confession, but hardly anyone ever takes advantage of it.
I think that, especially if someone is particularly burdened by something, or "doesn't feel forgiven" even after praying for forgiveness, taking part in corporate confession and absolution, etc., a one-on-one confession can be cathartic and healing...just that act of being transparent and vulnerable to a caring but objective other. I think some of the same dynamic is at work in 12-Step programs, with sponsors.
I agree with Susan. There's just something about one-on-one reconciliation with a priest. I went the other night and felt distinctly different afterwards, like I had permission to drop the "baggage" of the past and make a fresh start. I guess that is sort of the point! I don't think it needs to be any more complicated than that.
If I think of it (and/or once I survive these next few days of school) [IF I survive ...], I'll post at least snippets of a paper I had to write for my sacraments class at St. Meinrad, a practical response about Why We Do It. But, right now .... must work. Grr. I'm so sick of that.
If I forget to add it to the mix next week, feel free to remind me of my broken blogmise.
grr...I had a long comment typed up and it just evaporated into internet limbo
so here's the terse version
Sacrament of reconciliation is an invitation to grace and gift from God. Why refuse God's gift?
General absolution must be followed by individual confession (I think). Absolution usually comes with a penance; your confessor gives you penance.
St. Teresa of Avila and St. Faustina, to name two, talk of the importance of a good confessor. Please find one. Not all priests are good confessor. God might have a particular confessor for you.
I go once per year during Lent, as an act of obedience to the Church and as an exercise in humility. I also schedule one when I believe I have sinned seriously because I truly am sorry for having offended God, and need his help to sin no more, and desire to receive communion. Though I confess to a priest, I fully expect that it's Jesus in the sacrament.
By participating in this sacrament I say "Jesus I trust you. I trust your Church. I trust your priest. I trust your mercy. I need your help. I know I'm no bargain. I'm sorry. I don't want to offend you ever more."
i love confession. i am also a convert who completely regarded confession as "a tradition of man, not of God," coming from a Protestant background most of my life.
now, i can say i actually run to it. not all the time, mind you, but when i need to go, i go and the grace that comes after having heard the absolution and the prayers, while it may not *hit* right away, the balance of my day is a very peaceable existence.
like the anointing of the sick, i believe reconciliation is one of the less-utilized Sacraments we have and it should not be that way. i think it is amazing.
and i agree - you have very insightful, polite bloggers who comment here :)
My confessor is also my spiritual director and that helps.
Thanks for writing about this. There is something very humbling about confessing outloud to God in the presence of someone else the stuff in the closet. It's too much to carry by ourselves.
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