comprehending the obscure

Tomorrow after work I head up to Seattle for another episode of groovy sister reserves. The highlight of this weekend will be my discernment meeting on Saturday. I'm meeting with the Province leadership team to discern my readiness to enter novitiate in the fall. They'll then make a recommendation to the Congregation leader, and I should have the official word in a few weeks.

I was describing this process to a friend on the phone tonight, and her reponse was "You mean it's not a done deal yet?? You already gave your notice at work!". This is true. And on a certain level, it will be good to have an official answer about this next phase of my discernment journey. But I'm realizing that discerning does not result in "done deals." It is an ongoing process.

I find the dictionary definition amusing ...

dis·cern·ment
Function: noun
1 : the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure : skill in discerning
2 : an act of discerning
synonyms DISCERNMENT, DISCRIMINATION, PERCEPTION, PENETRATION, INSIGHT, ACUMEN mean a power to see what is not evident to the average mind. DISCERNMENT stresses accuracy (as in reading character or motives or appreciating art) .

On the one hand discernment is the ability to grasp and comprehend the obscure ... on the otherhand it stresses accuracy. That seems strange and contradictory, but my experience of this vocation discernment process has been just that. "It" has certainly been difficult to grasp in its obscurity ... the mystery of community ... of feeling at home .... of being a part of something bigger. At the same time though, when you know you know. Yes the proces is slow and gradual, but that only helps in stressing the accuracy. Before making a big leap of faith like this, you want to know that yes, this is where God is calling you. The community too needs to take the time to carefully consider and contemplate folding this person into the larger picture.

I've written a great deal about discernment on this here blog. At various times I've compared it to driving along a dark and windy road, your headlights illuminating just far enough ahead. Or growing in the company of God and friends. Or at times a mishmash of nonbloggbale thoughts/doubts/ponderings. But most of all it's a journey. And this weekend marks a key milestone on the path to groovy sisterhood for one Susan Rose Francois.

On related side note, I got my hair cut today ... back to the shorter version of my hairstyle. I find this funny because the last time I went shorter was before my discernment meeting to see if I was ready to become a candidate!