Control vs. Kaos (reprise)

Last summer I wrote a post inspired by the movie trailer for the new Get Smart Movie. Today a few of us saw the movie, which got me thinking again about my own struggle with control.

You see, for those who are unfamiliar with Get Smart, it's about a secret agent (named Maxwell Smart) who works for a spy agency called "Control." The enemy spy agency is called "Kaos." Hence, control vs. kaos.

What does this have to do with religious life, you ask??? Well, I am what in some circles is called a control freak. Perhaps a recovering control freak is more like it. In my past life, I was the type of person who carefully planned and organized all aspects of her life far into the future.

To some extent, I still am. This is part of my personal gift. For example, I'm in the process of packing some boxes for my move from the novitiate at the end of the summer. It's going to be a busy summer, so I'm trying to be organized about it. Yesterday I packed all of my summer clothes in my suitcase (the one I'll be taking to Chapter, Retreat & Vacation). I then put all the rest of my clothes in boxes, ready to ship them in August. Then, I put all my summer clothes back in my closet/dresser since I'll be home the next two weeks. This way, I know that everything will fit where it's supposed to go and now I don't have to worry about it. It's all under control!

Some things in life are that easy to get a handle on. Others are less predictable or more complicated. For example, in religious life, I'm more a co-participant in the important decisions of my life rather than the sole decision maker. Which reminds me of another post, this one from three years ago and inspired by a different movie:

They say of course that no man (or woman) is an island. There’s a great scene at the beginning of the movie About a Boy where Will, played by a particularly cute Hugh Grant, disputes this notion. He is an island, thank you very much, and he likes it that way. Of course it’s lonely being an island, so he has to play the role of island cruise director, splitting his day up into manageable units. Television game shows, salon appointments, magazine reading. He’s free, he’s independent, but to what purpose? Slowly Will opens himself up to another human being in the form of a marvelous 13 year old boy named Marcus and Will finds purpose. By the end of the film Will has a community of people who need him. And he needs them. He has moved from pointless independence to meaningful interdependence.

Looking back at my journey into religious life, I think I've been moving from pointless independence to meaningful interdependence. My carefully scripted and controlled life was nowhere near as life giving and fulfilling as my somewhat unpredictable life in community. Sure it's a bit challenging at times, sorting things out with a whole group of other folks. But in the end, we need each other and we're all involved in this crazy wonderful experiment together. As I said in my post three years ago ...

I can see the glimmers of how by being part of a community of women, rooted in God and the peace that comes from Christ, I’ll finally find the freedom to be who I am meant to be and work to help bring about God’s reign.

Those glimmers have begun to take form, and I find myself happy and filled with hope for the future with my groovy sisters. I don't really miss my days of being my own cruise director! ;)

Those are my random Saturday afternoon movie inspired thoughts!