Parables and Lamentations

I was invited to reflect on today's readings at a communion service with our retired Sisters today at groovy sister hq.  Always an honor to break open the word with these amazing women. Here's what I shared.

Today's Gospel comes towards the end of a lengthy discourse in Matthew Chapter 13. If you remember, it started with Jesus trying to find some quiet time by the sea.  Instead he was surrounded by huge crowds, and so he started to teach them in parables.  First the Parable of the Sower.  Then the Parable of the Weeds among the Wheat.  Then the Parable of the Mustard Seed.  And finally the Parable of the Yeast.

In today's reading, after he shared all of these and sent the crowds away, the disciples come up to Jesus. "Can you explain that one about the weeds ... again?"  I don't know about you, but I find great comfort in the realization that the disciples sometimes just didn't get it.

It can be hard to get it.  Especially in the midst of pain, suffering, war and destruction, like in the first reading from Jeremiah.  Almost 11 years ago, after the September 11th attacks, I heard this reading fairly often.  It was used in peace prayer services because it captured the spiritual outcry of that moment so well.

"We wait for peace, to no avail,
for a time of healing, but terror comes instead."

Come to think of it, this lament from Jeremiah fits the spiritual outcry of today as well.

"If I walk out into the field, look!
those slain by the sword."

Syria, Afghanistan, Aurora, Colorado.

"If I enter the city, look!
those consumed by hunger."

925 million people will go hungry today.  1.4 billion people will try to get by on less than $1.25 for all their essential needs.

What are we to do?  Cry out to God? By all means. As Jeremiah cried out, his eyes streaming with tears day and night ...

"Remember your covenant with us."

Margaret Anna Cusack, founder of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace, was also deeply moved by the suffering of poor and oppressed people, deeply moved to action.

"... it did matter to me a great deal, in view of our common humanity, and in view of my love of the poor, that I should do all I could for those whom He had loved so well." (The Nun of Kenmare)

As Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace today, we too are moved to actions for peace through justice. As our Constitutions say:

"The weight of suffering and oppression borne by so many people today, especially those who are economically poor, cries out to us for action." (Constitution 21).

And so it does.  And so it should.

But lest we be overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of what this calls us to do, Jesus reminds us in the Gospel that in the end, this is God's work.  In the end, God will be God.

"Christ is our peace, the source of our power. United with him we engage in the struggle against the reality of evil and continue the work of establishing God's reign of justice and peace." (Constitution 2)

We do what we can, we give freely of who we are, deeply moved by the cries of our brothers and sisters, confident in God's faithful love to sort it all out in the end.

Today is the feast day of another founder, St Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits.  I'd like to end with his prayer from the end of the Spiritual Exercises.  He knew that it was up to God to be God, and us to give of ourselves to God's love and work.  No more.  No less.

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
all that I have and call my own.
You have given all to me,
to you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.

Transitions

I realized this evening that in less than one month I am moving to Chicago. Now this is something that has been in the horizon for quite a while. I have been engaged in sorting and purging my belongings in preparation for packing and the move. I trained my replacement at my place of ministry. I have been having some see you later lunches.  But it is still crazy to think that in less than one month I will be getting settled in my new city.

Transitions!!! (Read that to the tune of Fiddler on the Roof's Tradition if you please.) They are an opportunity. To give thanks for what has been and what will come. To deepen and shift relationships with people in your old city as you prepare to build new relationships in the new city. A time to take stock, to reflect on your priorities and plan life in your new city around them. To take each day as it comes, to go lightly and to be open to what will come.  What is nice about this transition is that I already know some of the folks who will be part of my life in my new city, including at least one neighbor/classmate, some friends and family! Regular play dates with my pint size nephew are in my immediate future.

I also know that transitions can be stressful so I am trying to go gently into this one. We shall see how it goes!

Some random 40 year old thoughts

Here are some random thoughts on the occasion of my 40th birthday.

• I've been an adult more than half my life
• Sleep is still good (thank God!), but I wake up earlier than I'd like to
• I also notice parts of my body (like my joints) that I used to take completely for granted
• When talking to younger friends and coworkers, I need to realize that sometimes my pop culture references mean nothing to them, except maybe history or a revival of interest
• I'm solidly in the middle aged crowd in real life, but still young in my nun world
• I've seen a lot of technology come and go (to various extents).  Just take music.  I remember 8 track tapes.  I used to buy albums on vinyl and then tape them on audio cassette. Then CDs took over the world.  Mix tapes shifted to mix CDs.  Until the advent of MP3s and iTunes killed the record store. Where's the Buggles song about that?

Lest I sound too much like an old fogey telling tales about walking to school uphill, both ways ...

• I know more than I used to
• I know that I don't really know much
• I've got an amazing network of friends & community of all sorts, lots of exciting things on the horizon and a generally happy life

In the gratitude mixed with irony category, back when I used to have those crazy thoughts that maybe someday I might think about a religious vocation, the general conclusion was that maybe I'd look into it when I turned 40.  We all know how that turned out!  God had other plans. Thankfully. In a way I have an 8 year head start with the difficult parts of initial formation behind me.

On this 40th birthday I am so very grateful for the many blessings of my life, the opportunity to learn and grow and share my gifts, the gift of community, family and friends, and in general the gift of life.  Not a bad way to start out my fourth decade of life.

Peace Out

(40 year old) Susan

Too Much

Six summers ago I was preparing to enter the novitiate, I spent an inordinate amount of time sorting, purging and packing my multiple belongings.  Carloads and carloads went to the parish for their rummage sale.  Some went to goodwill.  Some (mostly family stuff along with some sentimental non-essentials) went into storage.  And some was shipped to my room in the novitiate house in New Jersey.

Two years later, I went through a similar process for my return to the Pacific Northwest.  I took some things to the thrift store.  Shipped some boxes back to Seattle.  Filled my suitcases to the brim and flew west.  Once there, I set about retrieving items from my friend's basement that I'd put in storage.  Some more of that made its way to the thrift store as well.  The rest was crammed into my room with dribs and drabs in the basement of the community house where I live.

Now it's four more years later.  I STILL HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!!!!  I'm planning another move to Chicago in just over a month.  My plan is to take two suitcases and ship four boxes.  I'd like to leave a very minimal amount of stuff in storage, mostly family things.  So I return to operation sort, purge, pack.

The added wrinkle of course is that it's not just the same original piles of things getting smaller.  There are NEW things to be sorted, purged and/or packed.  Mostly paper, books and other items that make their way into my life somehow. True, if I add it all up at each stage I have less stuff.  But it's still way too much.

Today I was reminded of a conversation I had as a novice at one of my first Giving Voice gatherings.  A wise elder (she was probably in her late 30s at the time!) said to me something to the effect of "Get rid of your extra stuff now.  You'll be glad a few moves down the line."  Such wisdom!

I have grand visions of how minimal I'll be able to get in the next four weeks.  This afternoon I did manage to winnow six boxes of family and non-essential nostalgic items down to two and a half boxes.  Definite progress!  But so much more to go ...

The (never-ending?) path of simplifying.

Now with guests

I recently saw the movie, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." I won't spoil the experience for those who haven't seen it with too many details. If you haven't seen it because you heard it's just a movie about a bunch of old people, go see it anyway. It's about so much more and appropriate for younger folks too.

Granted, I had delayed seeing it in part because I didn't know anyone under 70 who had seen it. But Judi Dench, Maggie Smith ... how could you go wrong? It even has Matthew's mother from Downton Abbey. But I digress.

In addition to the older Brits who seek a new lease on life in India, we also get to meet the young Indian proprietor of the eponymous hotel. He is optimistic and joyful, if a bit unrealistic and impractical.

One of the sayings that he repeats several times in the film is something to the effect of: "It will all be fine in the end, and if it is not fine that is because it is not yet the end."

I have been thinking about that since seeing the movie. It reminds me of one of my favorite passages in scripture from Habakuk.

"Then the LORD answered me and said: Write down the vision; Make it plain upon tablets, so that the one who reads it may run. For the vision is a witness for the appointed time, a testimony to the end; it will not disappoint. If it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. "

When we look around our troubled world, from civil war in Syria to gun violence at the movies, we can be forgiven for thinking things are far from fine. Because they're not fine. But maybe that's because it is not yet the end.

Does that mean we just sit in lawn chairs and watch the world fall apart around us? Of course not. It means we recommit to the vision, recognize we are not God, and work together.

In the movie there is a sign outside the hotel declaring it the best exotic marigold hotel.  At one point, shortly after the first guests arrive,  the sign is amended with this note at the bottom: "Now with guests."

It is only together,  in community recognizing our interdependence that we can truly glimpse the vision and work for it together.

If it delays, wait for it. It will surely come.

Mother Evangelista's Wisdom

Today is the 92nd anniversary of the death of Mother Evangelista (Honoria Gaffney). She was one of the first women to enter the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace in the infant days of the Congregation.  After Mother Clare (Margaret Anna Cusack) was forced to leave due to conflicts with church hierarchy, she became the first Mother General and it is due in no part to her strong leadership that we not only survived but thrived.  Evangelista ministered in all three of our present-day regions, even spending some time out here in the wild Pacific Northwest.

I'm working on a special project right now, digitizing the book we call Lest We Forget which includes the stories of all our Sisters and Associates who have passed away.  There's an interesting bit about Mother Evangelista that I'd like to include:

To our Sisters she left a wonderful example of sincere humility, generosity, charity and loyalty--all through her life she was loyal to Mother Clare.  On one occasion Mother Evangelista confided to a close friend: 'of course I know our good Mother's limitations, but nevertheless she has always been a loving and kind Religious. ... Her principal difficulty lies in wanting to make reforms before people are ready to accept them.  Of necessity, progress must be slow.'

It seems to me that Evangelista was practical with an eye on the big picture.  But she was also a strong voice for justice, as evidenced by a letter I posted a month or so ago that she and Sister Ignatius Casserly sent to a Bishop in charge of the new Catholic University in D.C. who was spreading misinformation and negative reports about Mother Clare:

It is easy to invent and circulate reports, but a time may come when something more than an assertion will be demanded from those who speak such reports.  Suppose that the whole miserable story of our Mother's treatment by ecclesiastics in America were put before the public, and your lordship will be pleased to remember we have written proof, what would be said?  Are priests in this new Catholic University to be educated to be honest men, or as men who will not pay ordinary respect to truth and justice and to the decision of the Holy See?

One wonders what Mother Evangelista would make of our present day situation!  She was indeed a strong woman with a great love of God and the Church.  "Sisters, remember always be kind to God's priests and God's poor" is the saying most often attributed to her in the CSJP community.  If we spend some time with that maxim, there is deep wisdom there.  A deep wisdom to remember always those who Jesus loved, the poor, the marginalized, the oppressed.  A deep wisdom to remember that we are called to work on their behalf, to be a voice for justice within the context of the Church.  The more I learn about her, the more it seems she understand the tension that is inherent there.  Living in the tension is not easy, but it is nevertheless our call.

When I was in the novitiate, I ran across these words from Mother Evangelista's own retreat notes in the early days of the community when she no doubt faced many difficulties herself.

Here then is Jesus' will--that I be poor in spirit, be meek, that I mourn when God is offended, that I hunger and thirst after justice, that I be merciful, that I be pure of heart, that I be a peace-maker and that I may suffer persecution for justice sake.  Take these two beatitudes, two and two, and I have the whole retreat in a nut shell. ~Mother Evangelista, Retreat Notes, 1897

Her simple words, written on retreat, imbued with our community's charism and the needs of the world and church.

Pray for us Mother Evangelista.  May the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace continue to seek to bring peace to family life, to the church and to society.  May we attract women and men as Sisters and Associates to continue this vision, to live in the tension, for the sake of God and God's people.  Amen.

Help Prudence go to College

I will never forget the Holy Week of 2004.  The refugee resettlement group from our parish had been working for weeks with Catholic Charities to get ready for our first refugee family to arrive from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.  We were excited and nervous.  Would we be able to give them the assistance they needed to get on their feet after unimaginable difficulties and begin a new life here in the U.S.? (If you want to read about this family, there's still an article about their arrival on the Catholic Sentinel website).

Then, they arrived. And what was one of the first things the family did?  They came to our parish for Holy Thursday services.  The image of them standing tall, walking down the aisle of the church that night will forever be etched in my mind.  Quickly they became deeply involved in the parish.  I taught the younger children in Sunday School. The parents got engaged volunteering at parish events.  They became enmeshed in the fabric of our faith community.

Prudence Eca

Flash forward to 2012.  The oldest son, Prudence, just graduated from high school and has been accepted to attend Oregon State University in the Fall. He was received some scholarships, but still needs $8,000 to make this dream a reality.  This is where you come in.  Can you help him raise this money?  Visit his Go Fund Me Page to help.

From this point out, I'd like to let this amazing young man speak for himself.

My name is Prudence Dieudonne Eca.  I recently graduated from De La Salle North Catholic High School in Portland, OR. In the fall I will be attending Oregon State University (Go Beavers!) where I plan to study Mechanical Engineering. 

 I am from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.  I came to the United States with my family in 2004 when I was ten years old.  Prior to being resettled in Portland, OR, I had lived in a refugee camp in Zambia with my family for seven years. Catholic Charities working with St. Philip Neri Catholic Church welcomed us and helped us to settle here.  

I could barely speak English when I first arrived.  It took me two years to before I felt confident in my ability to speak and understand English.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had studied AP English, AP Calculus, honors Economics and advanced Spanish. 

As the oldest of six children, I have always had a strong sense of responsibility.  Both of my parents work in social justice, my father as a community organizer and my mother as a case manager working with refugee, immigrant and local communities.  They have instilled in me a deep sense of caring for others.  I have carried this forward as an altar server at St. Philip Neri Catholic Church, volunteering with the African Youth Conference and working for Food Works which is a non-profit youth organization that helps to grow business, community, farm and self. 

My long-term goal is to use my Mechanical Engineering degree to create technologies that will help solve the problems of the world.  I’ve received some scholarships, but I still need about $8000 to cover my tuition, room and board for the academic year.  Your support means very much to me and my family. 

Recalculating: Thoughts on the Readings

I was invited to reflect on today's readings at the communion service with our retired Sisters at groovy sister hq this morning. At first glance, the readings stumped me.  But after some prayer and creative imagining, here's what I came up with!

I've been sitting with these readings for a few days now, and what I keep coming back to is the sheer specificity of God's instructions to Isaiah.  Not only does God tell him WHAT to say to Ahaz-

-remain tranquil
-don't let your courage fail, and -other assorted advice in the face of the mischievous plots against  him and Judah 

... not only that, but God is so very specific as to WHERE he is to meet him:  

-at the end of the conduit of the upper pool, on the highway of the fuller's field

The image that keeps coming to mind is of a map, like the ones on google maps or map quest that so many of us use to find unfamiliar places these days.  Or GPS.  I can almost imagine Isaiah taking a wrong turn and God having to give him new directions.  Kind of like when you are riding in the car with someone and their GPS keeps saying "recalculating" when they take wrong turns.

But Isaiah had to rely on his prophetic visions.  He did not have the internet to tell him where to go.  He went by faith.  When he gave Ahaz God's instructions:

Unless your faith is firm, you shall not be firm!

... we can imagine that he is speaking of that which he knows by personal experience.

In our 21st Century reality, most of us do have the internet.  An infinite number of answers--never mind if many of them are wrong--lies at our fingertips.  Those of us with smart phones have the answers in our pockets.  This can become so tempting, such as when a question comes up during dinner table conversation and the answer is up for debate.  Enter the smart phone user and their trusty search engine.

But Isaiah didn't have a search engine, he had his experience of and faith in God. The people living in the cities Jesus mentions in today's Gospel--Chorazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum--didn't have search engines either.  Instead, they had Jesus, present doing mighty deeds in their midst.  But this apparently wasn't even enough for them to believe.

If the mighty deeds done in your midst had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have long ago repented in sack cloth and ashes.

Can't you just hear the annoyance in the words the Gospel writer attributes to Jesus?  Exacerbated.  Raising up his hands.  "What more can I do?"

We don't all have the clear prophetic visions if Isaiah.  Life is murkier most of the time. It can be hard to see the work of God in our midst and name it as such.  Yet God is present, just as Jesus is present in our Gospel story.

It can be hard to keep the faith.  Yet that it seems is the message today.  Even when we take wrong turns in life, we are called to trust.  To wait for that next "recalculating" moment, so that we can take the next step towards God.

Counting hairs and dark matter

In today's Gospel reading, Jesus tells us: "What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna. Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Matthew 10)

I remember being more freaked out than comforted as a little girl when my religion teacher paraphrased the whole God knowing how many hairs are on my head thing. First thought as a cynical second grader: Really? Doesn't God have more important things to be worrying about? Second thought: what if I pull a hair out right now? I guess my spirituality has always been on the questioning/mischevious type.

The other day on Fresh Air on NPR I heard an interview with a film maker who happens to be an atheist, raised atheist in fact. He said something to the effect that he explores themes of faith and religion in films  because he is a little bit jealous of people who believe that the creator of the universe cares about them. He told a story about going to a Catholic wedding and understanding for the first time that these two people truly believed that God cared about them and was present in the church. He found that odd, but it helped him understand religious people better.

From my perspective now, with a faith that is still questioning but also grounded in my own deep experiences of God's presence and love in my life, there is more to it. Yes, God is present in the church. But God is present always. In some ways, when we seek God in sacred spaces we recognize that. We know God is always present, but we need to invite ourselves into that presence. Open ourselves to the presence and love of God. Share that experience with others. Ritualize and name the experience as Church, Temple, Mosque so that we can try to grasp the ungraspable. Faith is not so much about blind belief as about showing up. Maybe it was because God knew that about us that Jesus came ... "showing up" as it were to those with eyes to see and ears to hear. What did he do but share, name, ritualize and embody God's love?

When we  show up at church, it is as something small and finite in the midst of something so enormous it too cannot be known or understood. I read in the paper today that scientists estimate that regular matter, such as people and planets, make up 4% of the universe.  They think dark matter makes up another 25% and are burying a dark matter detector in South Dakota to try to learn more. The article did not mention what they think makes up the remaining 71%. Most likely because we have no idea.

Yet we try to grasp, measure, understand. Scientists do that with experiments. Similarly,  people of faith do that through prayer.

Back to the film maker.  I also remember him being amused that people think this God cares more about people than rocks or birds or trees. Again, I think it is more than that.  We have a tendency to personalize everything, even our experience of the universe or God. I suspect God cares about all of it, all of creation, something created from nothing ... it is all good. As far as we know, people are the only ones able to respond to the love that created everything. Of course we can also mess it up and have the power to destroy the world many times over.

Perhaps it is a good thing we don't understsnd it all. But again, I suspect God does. Even perhaps the dark matter, anti matter and whatever else is out there!

Those are my deep thoughts for this Saturday morning!

A labor of love

When my mom was sick and approaching her last days, she was worried about all the things she was leaving behind, tasks undone, etc ... One of her in progress projects were memory books she was making as her children turned 40. She had made the books for my two oldest siblings and was collecting photos and momentos for the rest of us. I could tell that she was really worried, plus I like being crafty, so I offered to finish the project for her. When my brother and sister turned the big 40, I made their books with everything mom had saved for them.

Well, I turn 40 two weeks from today. I have spent most of the past week finishing my book. Since my mom died before the whole nun thing, I took the liberty of adding a few things to the mix.

It was great putting it together. A labor of love to be sure.  I know my Mom is happy the books are done.

Goodbye Dorothy - Advocate, Writer, Sister, Friend

Sister Jeanne Keaveny and Sister Dorothy Vidulich in lively
conversation at my table at a community assembly day

How does one describe Sister Dorothy Vidulich?  Words truly can't even begin to capture her energetic spirit, love of God and passion for justice.  I first met her in 2006 in her later years of retirement.  Our Novitiate house was located next door to our retirement community in New Jersey, and I spent many an afternoon in lively discussion and debate with Dorothy about the state of the world and the future of religious life and the church.  Dorothy and her "partner in crime," Sister Jeanne Keaveny, were incredible mentors to me and my novitiate classmates in our early months of formation, true kindred spirits and role models who journeyed with us through challenges that in retrospect seem small but at the time almost insurmountable.

When I first met Dorothy, I felt like I was meeting a rock star.  Because you see, even though I had never met her in person she had already played a key role in my own discernment through her book, Peace Pays a Price: A Study of Margaret Anna Cusack, the Nun of Kenmare.  I found her book during my late night explorations of the community library during my first vocation retreat at our west coast regional center and read the entire thing in one sitting.  It tells the story of our founder, Margaret Anna Cusack and the community she founded. What a beautiful story, and how beautifully told.  Here were women who not only spoke the pretty prose of peace through justice, they did something about it!

That description certainly fits Dorothy.  She started out her 60 years as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace in the ministry of education for 12 years.  Soon however, the ground of religious life shifted with the call of the Second Vatican Council.  She worked with Sister Jeanne, Provincial in the East at that time, to implement the changes of renewal.  "This assignment of six years was exciting," she wrote on the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee which she celebrated earlier this year, "but painful as many new and enriching changes took place."


In 1974 she founded a Center for Peace and Justice located on the grounds of our eastern regional center.  It was located in fact in an old coach house that would have been part of the property when it was bought by Margaret Anna Cusack.  She wrote in Peace Pays a Price that this gave a "rootedness to the goals of the Center." Through the Center, Dorothy and other CSJPS "worked for structural change in many of the social problems confronting the church and society of those days."  Later, the Center moved to the new Congregational offices in Washington, D.C. which enabled Dorothy to collaborate more with other women religious.  She became a coordinator with NETWORK, the Catholic Social Justice Lobby founded by Catholic Sisters which has been in the news so much these days with the "Nuns on the Bus."  Dorothy worked there for five years bringing the social teaching of the church to the heart of social justice issues on the national stage.

She drew upon this experience for the next ten years, while she worked for the National Catholic Reporter as a Washington correspondent.  Looking back on her years at NCR on the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee, she wrote: "My research, interviews and work with Arthur Jones, editor, filled my days with excitement, joy and challenge."  Thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can still read some of her articles online.  For example, here is a link to a story she wrote about women theologians from 2000. Here's another one from 1997 about efforts of religious men to work against violence. And here is a 1998 column about the unsung role of women in the Irish peace process.

Reflecting on her life as a CSJP, Dorothy wrote that the highlight was being invited by the Congregation Council to research the life of Margaret Anna Cusack.  This research of course became the book I mentioned earlier, Peace Pays a Price.

When I was a novice one of my highlights--and life savers--was getting a chance to talk with Dorothy.  I remember one particular conversation when she said something about how impressed she was with the women in the novitiate.  She said that she wondered how the community ever managed to get women like us, or something to that effect.  I looked her in the eye and said, "Well, your book for one thing! It was a major inspiration for all of us."  How often do we get to share our gratitude with the people who inspire us, especially when that inspiration helps lead to one of our biggest and best life choices?  It was an unforgettable moment.  I'm also happy to say that I managed to get her to autograph a copy of her book for me.  She was so humble I was afraid she'd say no!

Dorothy passed away today in New Jersey.  The past few years have carried more than a few health challenges for her, so in many ways it is a blessing. She will be greatly missed though, most deeply by her friend and colleague of so many years, Jeanne.  But she will be missed by all of us.  In every community there are a handful of members who make a deep and lasting impact.  I think it is safe to say that Dorothy was one of our giants in that respect. I for one am comforted to know that she will be praying and advocating in heaven, for the CSJP community, for all those living on the margins, for conversion of the hearts of the powerful, and perhaps most strongly for our Church that we may embody and give life to Christ's promise of peace and justice for all.

I'd like to end this post with the final words of the epilogue to Peace Pays a Price.  Where it says "Margaret Anna Cusack," I think you can also read "Dorothy Vidulich."

Margaret Anna Cusack's life story intensifies the awareness that to keep alive the charism of the Congregation, the task of renewal is a constant concern.  The cost of such commitment may vary with individuals, but as the history of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace so consistently indicates:

Peace pays a price.

There will continue to be women and men who choose to make a dedication of time--or a lifetime--to purse the goals of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.

Amen. Pray for us Dorothy.  We need it!

Retreat Notes: Delight & Wonder

I finished my retreat with a change of scenery, staying at the condo some friends own in the Columbia River Gorge.  This is the view of the sunset from their window.  Amazing!

Speaking of amazing, God's creative power is truly amazing.  Not only in the past, creating such incredible landscapes as the Columbia River Gorge, but daily.  From the simple meadow of flowers,

to the regular rhythm of our daily lives, God's saving action in our world continues. These are some of the thoughts that I reflected on during the last days of my retreat on some meditative walks through the bounty of God's creation.  I took lots of photos, but to be honest my camera wasn't quite able to capture the majesty of the beauty.  At one point I found myself asking in awe and wonder, "How did you create all of this?". A rhetorical question if ever there was one, but the answer it seems was not how but why.  And the why was perhaps the grace of this retreat for me:  Delight. God's delight in you, in me, in us, in all of creation! What a gift, to be invited to to stop, to listen, and to lean into that delight.

The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a might savior,
Who will rejoice over you with gladness,
and renew you in his love,
Who will sing joyfully because of you. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Amen. Alleluia. And so I end these quiet days refreshed in body, mind, soul and spirit, deeply grateful for my good, gracious, playful God.

Retreat Notes: Relationship Talk

It was pure grace making a private retreat at the Oregon Coast where many of the pivotal moments of my faith journey have been set.  This wondrous spot of beauty--I often say God had loads of fun making this place where mountains and forest meet ocean--is a convenient drive from Portland where I lived in my 20s and early 30s.

Before I came back to the active practice of the Catholic faith of my childhood, I would spent quiet solitary weekends at the coast.  In the quiet, quite unexpectedly, I found God.

After I miraculously found myself attending Church each week--and becoming an RCIA sponsor, Sunday School teacher, peace and justice commission chair, and pastoral council member to boot--I had far fewer free weekends to spend on the coast.  But there were a few memorable ones.

Like the time I was walking along the beach and, wham, from out of nowhere, came the idea, the thought, the inkling ... "Susan, you should be a Catholic Sister."  Hold on there, what was that? Me?  Sure I'd come back to the church in a big way, but me, a nun? No way. With each crashing wave, the thought became harder to ignore.  So, I decided it was too cold to walk on the beach anyway and went to the little coffee shop instead to drink a warm beverage and read the paper.  Guess what one of the lead stories was in the New York Times? Yep, something about the renewal of women's vocations to religious life in the Catholic Church.  No joke.  I didn't sign up right away.  It took awhile longer.  

There were other solitary weekends, including some after my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and then after she died.  The ocean has soaked up some of my tears.  The rhythm of the waves ... in and out ... echoed the memories of my mom.  She so loved the ocean.  She would watch the waves for hours on end, a habit I've picked up from her. God's persistent love, like the waves, washes over me.  Again and again.

There were  retreats, including a vocation retreat just down the road from where I made my retreat this week with a group of sisters that I ended up not joining (even if they own a house right on the ocean!). It was an important moment in my vocation journey though, and helped me to realize that I am meant to be a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

On the third day of this year's annual retreat, I wasn't necessarily thinking of all these pivotal moments.  But walking on the beach where so many of them took place, the stage was set.  My relationship with God in many ways is rooted here.  I need God.  And God responds to my need, my desire, with God's own love and desire, as big or bigger than the ocean and just as persistent.

There's a song by Ben Kweller called "I Need You Back." It's catchy, and no doubt recounts a break up of the interpersonal kind.  Often when I'm driving long distances, this song comes on in my music mix.  I usually crank up the volume and belt out the words along with Ben.  "Hey! I need you back .... to take away all of my pain, and then my fear.  Hey! I need you back .... I'm so lost without you."  When I'm singing the song at the top of my lungs, I know it's God that I need. 

Back to the ocean.  I got some great photos of the waves crashing on the rocks.  It seemed a perfect image.  I need God, but sometimes God needs to crash over me for me to wake up to God's loving and abiding presence (again).  Hard to explain with words ... so here's Ben and some of the photos I took.  Enjoy!

Retreat Notes: Peace, Love & Play

On Monday, I woke up feeling incredibly grateful for God's love in my life.  The day before had been full of so many blessings, I was ready for whatever the next day held.  In the morning, I took a walk on the beach.  The sun was shining, the waves were playfully crashing into the rocks, and the birds seemed to be playing a gliding game.  Play was the name of the day it seemed.

On my return walk, I noticed some great shells, stones and driftwood.  First a few in the shapes of doves (if you squinted imaginatively!).  Then some that looked more reliably like hearts.  And then a mixture of both.  "Peace & Love" by Fountains of Wayne started playing in my head.  So I collected them, headed back to my little rented cottage, and made this playful video prayer reflection: Peace & Love Dance Party, featuring my little friends that I found on the beach, dancing on my kitchen bar stool.

Sometimes when you pray, God is inviting you to play.  That's my wisdom of the moment.  Enjoy!

Retreat Notes: Holy, Holy, Holy Ocean

This year I made a private retreat with five days at the Oregon Coast and then three days in the Columbia River Gorge.  Such wondrous beauty of creation! I'm going to share a few of my retreat notes and pictures over the next few days.  It was a graced time to be sure.

On the first full day of my retreat, I went to Sunday mass at the local parish on the coast.  Our entrance hymn was "Holy, Holy, Holy."  Later that day, I spent a good chunk of quality prayer time just watching the ocean.  The song kept coming back to me, but in the hauntingly beautiful version by Sufjan Stevens.  I had my camera, so I captured the moment in a video prayer reflection.

"Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty.
All thy works shall praise they name,
In earth and sky and sea."

Indeed.  Enjoy!


(If you watch carefully at the end, you'll see that a real live seal makes a cameo appearance.  He came almost right up to the shore just to make sure he'd make it into the video!)