changes

I'm starting to get over my jet lag, although I'm still finding it necessary to go to bed early! Three months of getting up in the wee hours of the morning has apparently changed my inner clock - or it just could be jetlag. We'll see.

I'm also starting to adjust to the changes in my life. Shifting from full time ministry back to full time Novitiate House Mode for one thing. We've also got a new community forming here at the Novitiate House. Some of the people that were here last year are gone, new people are here, and the two of us 2nd year Novices have returned from our ministry experience. So it's a time of navigating who is allergic to what foods (which I thought to ask yesterday after I'd cooked dinner but luckily it wasn't an issue!), how we want to organize our time and life together, etc... Really it's good experience, because in religious life - I'm discovering - you are often in transition. But it's a challenge.

We opened a time of discussion today with these words from Thomas Merton. We all experience transition in our lives, and I just love his perspective on it!

In a time of drastic change
one can be too preoccupied
with what is ending
or too obsessed with what seems
to be beginning.

In either case, one loses touch
with the present
and with its obscure
and dynamic possibilities.

What really matters is openness,
readiness,
attention
courage to face risks.

You do not need to know
precisely what is happening,
or exactly where it is all going.

What you need
is to recognize the possibilities
and challenges
offered by the present moment,
and to embrace them with courage,
faith,
and hope.

In such an event,
courage is the authentic form
taken by love.

We took turns reading this. There were a few chuckles (myself included) when it was my turn to read the lines "You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going." It's as if those lines were written for me!

But for now, I know I'm headed to bed.

Oops I did it again

One of the tools I use for my daily reflection time is the Living with Christ missal. In addition to the daily liturgical readings, it also includes a variety of prayer and reflection resources.

This morning I read these words from Joyce Rupp, OSM. Coming from someone like her, they're a great comfort!

I can desire to be a loving, compassionate, forgiving individual, yet fail at it time and again when I strain to be better. Only when I wake up and realize "Oops, there I go again, trying to do it all on my own" do I move toward the virtues I hope to have growing within me.

I have found this to be especially effective with relationship difficulties. When I become a conduit for God's love to move through me, I much more readily approach others in a kind manner. What a treasure to have the loving energy of God draw forth and actualize each gift I have been given!

in case you were wondering

In case you were wondering ...

There's a 8% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens

There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens. But there's always hope for the future!

What Are the Chances that You've Been Abducted by Aliens?

Also, I'm home safely at the Novitiate House in New Jersey.

It was good to sleep in my own bed (although I'd forgotten where I'd stored things in my room!)
Nice to see the New York City skyline from my window.
Ditto to see the wild turkeys on the lawn this morning.
And of course it was good to see old friends and familiar faces here at East Coast Groovy Sister HQ.

I woke up at 4:15 am - so I guess that's one sign I'm still adjusting to being on this side of the pond.

No deep thoughts at the moment, but just thought I'd let the curious know that I'm here safely.

(Hat tip to Sarah for the alien abduction quiz)

all my bags are packed

I'm leaving the UK in a few hours. I probably won't check back in for a few days - jetlag, upacking, getting used to a new (old) routine, and the fact that our internet has apparently been down at the novitiate.

My time here has been amazing.

I will miss the people - but luckily I'll see our British Sisters next summer at our general chapter.

I will miss my ministry.

Lots of little things will be missed as well, but I will always have the memories of this graced time in my life.

Cheers for now,
Susan

living life

I'm trying to finish a book that one of our Sisters here in the UK lent me before I head back to the States - I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose & Passion by Dawna Markova. An excellent read so far. This poem by the author begins the book and is worthy of some reflection.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

I can't speak for any one else, but I know that in my own life I have often lived out of my fear rather than out of my potential. I've lived out of self preservation rather than self-giving love. And yet, my heart's desire, my prayer, is to grow in God's love, to open my heart to Christ's love, to risk, to live, for love, in love. Perhaps that's why this poem speaks so much to my heart. It seems to me to be about living the one precious life that God has given us. And that, my friends, is really what it's all about - don't you think?

Birthdays

Sunday is my niece Alison's 14th Birthday! I saw her over Thanksgiving and she is indeed grown up. Amazing how quickly that happened!

Sunday is also the 3rd Birthday for this little corner of the blogosphere. I thought I'd repost my first blog post for what it's worth:

Hi there! Glad to have you stumble upon my "blog." Funny how big the decision was to create a "discernment blog," considering that the chances of anyone actually reading it (let alone any one I know) are fairly slim. Nevertheless, it just seemed like the thing to do. I've searched the blogsphere myself, looking for the "What should Susan do with her life website" to no avail. I have, however, been lucky enough to stumble upon the stories of others who have been able to stop and listen to what God might be calling them too. I've benefitted from the struggles, the sharing, the hopes, the fears of complete strangers. And so, I figured it was worth the risk to start documenting my own journey in the hopes that it strikes a chord with someone else. Gives someone else the thought that it's not so crazy to listen to that voice deep down inside that won't go away, the idea that maybe there's something more to this life thing. And, hopefully this new form of what is essentially an exhibitionist journal will help me along on this journey of mine.

And what is this journey? The following scripture passage has been very present to me the past few months...

You have been told, O people, what is good, and what Yahweh asks of you: Only this, to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God. - Michah 6:8

Is it possible that it's really that simple? All I know is that my paying gig as a glorified bureaucrat doesn't seem to be the answer. More and more, I'm inspired and energized not by my "real" job, but by my work volunteer work, my activities working on behalf of social justice and peace. And that work makes the most sense in the context of faith. And so, this past summer I finally decided to give in, to start exploring women's religious communities. In part it was a reality check, to see what religious life is really like in 2004, and also to see if it was for me. I'll admit that the plan was to rule it out as an option (and the jury is still officially out). But once I finally said yes to the journey, I've been pleasantly surprised again and again by the amazing women living this life. The joy, the humor, the unceasing work to help build the kingdom of God. The invitation to act justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with God is just too good not to at least check out .... and so I am. Stay tuned! Peace, Susan

Amazing what the past three years have held! It turns out that some people do read my random musings. I'm not sure how I feel about that truth be told, but it has certainly helped me to continue along with this little blogging experiment. For one thing it's good to get my thoughts and feelings sorted out enough to share them with my bloggy friends. Plus I have my story thus far well documented. And hopefully, some of what I've written has been of help to someone else in their own journey of life.

Speaking of journeys, I'm headed back to the US Monday. I'm posting this anniversary post a few days early because I'm going to be busy this weekend packing and saying goodbye.

I'll be back at the Novitiate House in New Jersey Monday evening. We're apparently having problems with our internet connection at the Novitiate House, so it may be a few days before I check in again.

Peace,
Susan

Goodbye Miss Toastie

Today was my last day volunteering at the day centre. It was also the annual client Christmas party, which was a great way to end my time there.

For the past three months I've spent several mornings a week making toast for the rough sleepers (the British term for folks sleeping out on the street). A simple job, yet surprisingly tricky. I put out a few toast fires. I got to know who liked their bread un-toasted, and who preferred "brown" bread instead of the white variety. My afternoons were spent in the education & training center, helping clients look for work, write CVs and learn basic computer skills, but for most of the clients, I was the toast lady. Or as one of the clients called me today, "Miss Toastie"!

Tomorrow is my last day at Pax Christi. Then I have a few days to wind down, squeeze all of my belongings back into their suitcases, clean my room and spend some quality time with my sister house mates before I head back to New Jersey and the Novitiate House.

My how time flies when you're having fun (and buttering toast!)

So delightfully planted

I've been reading some of Catherine of Sienna's writings lately. This bit in particular has stuck with me.

The Circle of Self-Knowledge
Imagine a circle traced on the ground, and in its center a tree sprouting with a shoot grafted into its side. The tree finds its nourishment in the soil within the expanse of the circle, but uprooted from the soil it would die fruitless. So think of the soul as a tree made for love and living only by love. Indeed, without this divine love, which is true and perfect charity, death would be her fruit instead of life. The circle in which this tree's root, the soul's love, must grow is true knowledge of herself, knowledge that is joined to me, who like the circle have neither beginning nor end. You can go round and round within this circle, finding neither end nor beginning, yet never leaving the circle. This knowledge of yourself, and of me within yourself, is grounded in the soil of true humility, which is as great as the expanse of the circle (which is the knowledge of yourself united with me, as I have said). But if your knowledge of yourself were isolated from me there would be no full circle at all. Instead, there would be a beginning in self-knowledge, but apart from me it would end in confusion.

So the tree of charity is nurtured in humility and branches out in true discernment. The marrow of the tree (that is, loving charity within the soul) is patience, a sure sign that I am in her and that she is united with me.

This tree, so delightfully planted, bears many-fragranced blossoms of virtue. Its fruit is grace for the soul herself and blessing for her neighbors in proportion to the conscientiousness of those who would share my servants' fruits. To me this tree yields the fragrance of glory and praise to my name, and so it does what I created it for and comes at last to its goal, to me, everlasting Life, life that cannot be taken from you against your will.

A beautiful image (tree image!) from a doctor of the church. There's so much packed into that passage! Really, this passage speaks to me of what the novitiate is all about. Spending time to get to know oneself, but in the context of the life of faith, in the context of God. Our constitutions speak of it in terms of "transformation in Jesus Christ." This tree image is a beautiful way really to wrap your head (and heart) around that! You can think of the novitiate process as a "delightful planting" of sorts. Of course it doesn't always seem 'delightful' - there are prickly bits as well - but you know what I mean! ;)

Groovy Press

The latest issue of the Seattle Catholic Paper has three great stories featuring my groovy sisters.

The first is a profile of one of our women in initial formation. Cynthia is a candidate living with our Sisters in Seattle.

Cynthia Brown, 47, straddles two worlds.

In one world she is a data technical representative for Wireless Data Solutions, a division of telecommunications giant T-Mobile. In her other world, she is in discernment for a vocation to religious life. She gave up her apartment and now lives in community with four Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace in a house in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. Read More..

The second is about Sisters who are working with the poor on the margins. It features one of our sponsored ministries (Jubilee womens' Center) and my friend (and mentor from my own candidate days), Sister Julie.

Julie Codd, a Sister of Saint Joseph of Peace, felt a special call to minister to Native peoples. For ten years she worked with the Swinomish Tribe in LaConner in Skagit County. Returning to Seattle in the early 199o’s, she began ministering to homeless American Indian and Alaska Native men living on the streets who told her about the Chief Seattle Club.

One morning in 1991, Sister Julie dropped in to the Chief Seattle Club, located in the Lazarus Day Center in Pioneer Square. Octogenarian Jesuit Father Talbot who founded the Club in 1970, told her he was sick and planning to shut the operation down. He asked her to keep the doors open.

“I was so blown away. I had just dropped in for the morning,” Sister Julie said.

There was no pay, just a great need. Sister Julie’s community agreed that she should serve these men.

Returning the next morning, Sister Julie unlocked the doors and served the coffee. Then she added nourishing soups made by elderly Sisters in her community. She formed a board of directors and raised money. Now, The Chief Seattle Club provides warm food, showers, laundry, medical care and other needed services. Read more ...

The last tells the story of how our Sisters came to the Northwest.

All in all some wonderful press!!!

Give them a read if you have a moment or two.

Where it all began

This is a picture of Our Lady Chapel at St Barnabas Cathedral in Nottingham. This is where our first two Sisters, Evangelista Gaffney and Rose Kelley, were professed on January 7, 1884.

It was part of my guided tour on Friday of Nottingham, where our Congregation was founded and where our Sisters still minister.

How cool to be in that same exact spot, where it all began!

On a much less holy note, when I mentioned that I was going to Nottingham, one of the men at the day center told me that I must go and see Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem. Apparently it's the oldest pub in England, founded in 1189. Interestingly enough, it's not too far from the Cathedral. My tour guide was kind enough to swing by on our way out of town just so that I could tell him I'd seen the place! (And for the record, we didn't go in but mainly just because we were on a tight schedule).

it's starting to sink in

It's starting to sink in that I'm leaving. This time next week I will be on an airplane crossing the atlantic ocean. I have very mixed feelings about leaving. My time here has been so great.

I love my ministry - were I free agent Susan with rights to work in the UK rather than novice Susan with other plans, I could totally see myself staying there. The staff are amazing, the clients are great and it's been such a great learning experience for me. Ditto for my local community. The Sisters have been so welcoming - it feels like home. The neigborhood is great.

But I'm moving on. It's back to the novitiate for christmas, then a home visit, then back at the novitiate for 6 weeks of integration, which as I understand it is time to process and reflect on this whole experience.

I was chatting briefly with a friend of mine who is a novice with another community. He's also out on a ministry experience. I shared that it's going to be hard to leave the "real world" and return to the novitiate house. He agreed. But it's all part of the process I suppose!

I just feel so very lucky that this experience has been so all around great. I would definitely return to this province at some point in the future if the opportunity arose - who knows! But for now, it's time to wind down my time on this side of the pond and return for the rest of my novitiate experience.

wise and hospitable women

I'm back from my weekend at the UK Province House. I'm really glad that I was able to spend a few days with the wise and hospitable women that live there. They made me feel right at home, which always happens with my groovy sisters!

Like our two province houses in the US, Rearsby is home not only to the Province offices but also includes a care center for the more elderly and infirm sisters. I always enjoy spending time with our elderly sisters. They hold such a wealth of knowledge about our history, and really about our future. They are the caretakers of our vision, the keepers of our heart. Some of them also have a wicked sense of humor! And one in particular is still a whiz in the kitchen. Given all that, what better way to begin my last week in the province than in their company?

It was also a privilege to be there in the house as the Sisters began to say goodbye to one of their own. When I returned to the house here in London tonight, I learned that Sister Alphonsus had passed a way earlier this evening. I'm glad that I was able to see her over the weekend, even though I didn't really have a chance to get to know her. It was truly amazing to witness the care and concern of the Sisters for Alphonsus. I was reminded of how my family gathered around when my own mother was sick, telling stories and trying to make sure she was as comfortable as possible during her last days. As I went to bed on Saturday night, I had one of those "d'oh" moments when I realized the Sisters treat each other like family. Guess that's where the name "Sisters" comes in, huh?

From the stories I heard over the weekend, it sounds like Alphonsus was quite the character. She was a nurse, and apparently an excellent diagnostician. The Doctors would often ask her opinion when they were stumped. Given all that, I'm sure it was hard for her to be a patient herself these past years, even if she was 90 years old.

Please keep the Sisters here and the family of Sr. Alphonsus in your prayers.