new to me blogs

Thought I'd share a few new to me blogs with you.

First we have new Paulsit Novice Gashwin at Maior autem his es caritas. He's just arrived at the Novitiate and is feeling a bit homesick (and sheepish for bringing so much stuff which will be me one week from today when I face all the boxes waiting for me in NJ). Give him a visit and most importantly send some prayers his way ...

Second we have Julie Vieira, IHM at A Nun’s Life. She's got great things to share, and for those who enjoyed my "Nuns on Film" series, some of Julie's regular features are Nun 101, Nuns in the Movies, Nuns in the News, Nuns Who Rock and Questionable Nun References.

As for me, I'm having a wonderful first week as a Novice. I don't enter the Congregation Novitaite until a week from Friday, so realy I'm on vacation. Spending quality time with groovy sister friends, hanging out with my groovy sister housemates, and resting after the chaotic frenzy of my last few weeks in Portland. I'm happy and at peace. Today I even baked chocolate chip cookies (with nuts!).

i'm a murmur

Or more accurately, I'm a "web only murmur" in this week's Willamette Week. (Follow the link, scroll down to the bottom of the page).

For a completely post-modern moment, I'll paste in the Willy Week blurb here on the blog that quotes me on the blog from a couple of days ago:

Former Portland Elections officer Susan Francois became Sister Susan Francois last week at St. Mary-on-the-Lake in Bellevue, Wash. She's slated to enter the Congregation Novitiate in Englewood Cliffs, N.J., on Sept. 8 for a two-year period of study and prayer. In a recent blog entry at actjustly.blogspot.com, Francois reflects on how much she's changed in the past 10 years. "I wasn't a practicing Catholic—now I'm a Catholic Sister... I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life—now I'm just not sure where my life journey with the big guy will lead me. But I'm still me."

nyc quiz

A blog quiz to start this lazy day ...

You Belong in Soho

Although you may not be a professional artist, you do dabble in one form of art or another. And you enjoy indie culture of all kinds - from little botiques to art house films.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

Except that I'm moving to New Jersey (a week from today)!. I will be able to see NYC from my bedroom though ...

community

A big part of religious life and the whole formation process is experiencing community (which I've written about before). I know I feel so blessed to have this week of rest and relaxation at my weekend groovy sister pad. I lived here 2 weekends a month for the past year, which allowed me to get to know (and love) my groovy sister housemates. But it's a different experience just being here for a more extended time. I feel settled and at home. Community = pure gift. Especially since I won't be here or with them for quite a while once I head east for the Congregational Novitiate.

My parish community back in Porland was also pure gift. I sent in a bulletin announcement for last week's bulletin. My last few weeks were crazy busy, so I didn't have time to say goodbye to everyone. I felt that it was important to let them know how important that community was to me being able to listen and respond to this call ...

A NOTE FROM SUSAN FRANCOIS: “As some of you know, I will be leaving Portland this week to enter the Novitiate for the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace. I wanted to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone at St Philip Neri and the Paulist Fathers. I can honestly say that I don't think I'd be Catholic today if it weren't for this parish, let alone joining a religious community! From the day seven years ago when I first put my toe in the waters with the Landings program, to my time as an RCIA sponsor and Sunday pre-school teacher, and later as a member of the Pastoral Council, I always felt like it was OK to not be sure of all the answers as I was in the company of friends. Your support for the work of the Peace & Justice Commission helped us to dream big and make a difference. Thank you for creating a safe environment where I could come to know God's love and begin to listen to God's voice. I will be praying for you all and ask you to do the same for me! I'll leave my contact info with the parish office if you'd like to stay in touch. Peace!”
— Susan

changes

I'm under "strict orders" from my wise sister housemates here in Seattle to rest & relax this week, so I don't have any angst filled thoughts to share. Instead, I give you a blog quiz! Exactly how much have I changed in the last 10 years?

You've Changed 44% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

I'd say that's pretty accurate. I wasn't a practicing Catholic - now I'm a Catholic Sister. I'd just started working at the City - I just left after almot 11 years and am now "between jobs". I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life - now I'm just not sure where my life journey with the big guy will lead me. But I'm still me ...

prayers & gifts

Saturday night after dinner my friends and housemates sat around as I opened my many cards and gifts from my groovy sisters, associates & friends. On the one hand it was funny ... I'd spent all this time these past few weeks divesting myself of "stuff." Now I have more (quite lovely and useful) stuff that I think I'll be shipping to add to the boxes waiting in my room in New Jersey.

On the other hand, it was amazing to feel such love and welcome. So much, in fact, that I really need to take the cards a few at a time over the next few days.

One of the elder Sisters quoted Paul in her note to me. And today's reading is the same passage!

We ought to thank God always for you, brothers and sisters,
as is fitting, because your faith flourishes ever more,
and the love of every one of you for one another grows ever greater. ...

We always pray for you,
that our God may make you worthy of his calling
and powerfully bring to fulfillment every good purpose
and every effort of faith,
that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you,
and you in him,
in accord with the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen! Such love. Well, I'm up early because a) I'm used to getting up early and b) we've got morning prayer in the house this week at 7. But I have no plans for the rest of the day. I'm "under orders" from some wise sister friends to REST this week. Regular readers of the blog know my life has been go-go-go these past few weeks. This week and 2 days before I fly to New Jersey will be a wonderful opportunity to rest and visit and enjoy the Pacific Northwest.

Peace Out
Susan

reception day

Well folks, it was an amazing day. I'm a bit at a loss for words so I'll use pictures to tell the story... We gathered in our Chapel at St. Mary-on-the-lake. Our sister Novice Sue had been receieved earlier in the day in New Jersey (pictures of her ceremony are here). Chero & I were received by our own groovy province out west. We shared our hopes for the novitiate ... We got our Peace Crosses (our symbol of identity with the congregation)...


We received our own copies of our Constitutions (so I can now return my long borrowed copy) ...

In addition to the many groovy sisters and associates in attendance, I had my own cheering section. Here's Kim & Jackie taking pictures ... My friends Sr. Pat & Sr. Sharon from my parish also came as a surprise! ...


I cried a lot ... happy tears. I'm a poignant moment crier, and today was a special day in my life. Alexandra gave an amazing reflection - a letter from our foundress Margaret Anna Cusack to the new novices. That started my tears of joy and gratitude rolling ...

The new novices .... notice our Peace Crosses! (and accidentally color coordinated outfits).

There was a party after in the dining room. Lots of visiting, treats and fun. Afterwards Jackie, Kim & I went back to my house. I'm spending the next week and a half (until I fly to New Jersey to enter the Congregational Novitiate) living with the sisters I spent my groovy sister reserves with this past year. We went to Saturday vigil mass, had a yummy bbq dinner on the deck, and then I opened my cards and gifts. A good day, even if I have some adjusting to do to this ...


Mostly I'm deeply happy and grateful to God for this invitation and the whatever it took to finally say yes. Not to mention this amazing community of friends I have found to journey with. Wow .... But for now, BED!!

The OTHER Sister Susan has some more great pictures up on the province web site. She actually took a few of the pictures I've got up here too.

the blog continues

For those who are wondering ... I do have permission to keep the blog. Lucky you, you get to continue following my neruotic wonderings on this journey! (I also anticipated a bit and changed my contact info and blog summary to indicate that I'm a Novice. A day early, but since I won't be posting again until Sunday, I figured it was ok).

last call for pdx

Today is my last day in the Rose City/Stumptown/whatever you want to call Portland, Oregon. Since September 1990, with a few absences, I've called it home.

I first came here 16 years ago to go to Lewis & Clark College. (The picture was taken back in the early days by my brother ... I'm pointing to Portland). I had no idea at that point what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that this was the place where I'd figure it out. While I expected to have that answer 12 years ago when I graduated from college, it seems that I was in fact correct about this place. This is where I found hints and some answers to THE questions ...

How and why and when and where to go
How and why and when and where to follow

(quoting another song from the soundtrack of my life, "If You're Feeling Sinister" by Belle & Sebastian).

Twists and turns. Sorrows and joys. Rainy days and Mondays. Friends, work, church, ... life. It all helped me to figure out at least what the next step is. Which comes tomorrow, when I am Received as a Novice by the Sisters of St Joseph of Peace.

I imagine I won't check in again until some time on Sunday. Tomorrow will be busy with driving up to Seattle and then the Reception ceremony and festivities afterwards.

Cheers!

dropping my nets

In the Gospel of Mark we read:

As he passed by the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting their nets into the sea; they were fishermen. Jesus said to them, "Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men." Then they abandoned their nets and followed him.

Today I dropped my nets, a moment long in the making. Regular readers of the blog will know this has actually been a very long and drawn out process. Coming to closure at work took months, cleaning out my apartment took weeks, saying “see you later” but knowing it feels more like “goodbye” has been excruciating.

But today was the big symbolic moment … I sold my car. Yes, I handed the keys of my vehicular freedom to another human being and at that moment, I realized what it meant. I was finally free to follow that Jesus guy.

I had a hint of this feeling yesterday when I was sitting in my now empty apartment, but it didn’t hit me until I was on the 3 hour train ride home from my car selling rendezvous. I was listening to a Death Cab for Cutie song (You’re Heart is an Empty Room) on my ipod shuffle (ok, so I haven’t dropped ALL my nets!) and heard these words as if for the first time:

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free

Now, I have a feeling that those lyrics were written with a completely different meaning in mind. But they fit my thoughts and were a soundtrack of sorts for my life at that moment. I've been busily preparing for the novitiate, simplifying and divesting myself of many of the things I don't need. But for some reason it didn't really hit me till I'd turned over the keys to my car and gotten on the train home that the reason for all the busy-ness is really quite profund. It's a variation of one of my favorite quotes (found at the bottom of my blog) from Mother Evangelista, one of the founders of my community of groovy sisters: "Empty yourself of yourself and you will find God." When you drop your nets, when you're not so obsessed with all your material things, there's more room for God to fit into your life. Simple, yet not. But very cool.

a breath, a hint and a dash means I'm ready

This afternoon as I sat on the lone piece of furniture left in my apartment of 11 years (waiting for its new owner to pick it up) I sat and looked at the walls and breathed a sigh of relief with a hint of wonder and a dash of disbelief that this is all really happening.

Tomorrow I’m driving my car 2 ½ hours north to its new owner and taking the train back to Portland. I’m looking forward to the time to think in the car and on the train.

I’m pretty much done with the frantic busyness of getting ready to run away to the convent. I’ve also said most of my goodbyes (or tearful “see you laters” as I like to think of them). The last ones will be some of the toughest.

But I’m ready. This time Saturday night I will have taken a huge leap on this path to groovy sisterhood. Heck, I’ll be “Sister Susan!” How crazy is that?

I’ll be leaving my Portland life behind and moving into new un-chartered waters. But God’s in the mix, all will be well, and I think I’m up for the adventure.

attempting to blog the un- bloggable thoughts

So I’ve understandably been having lots of un-bloggable thoughts these last few days/weeks. You know, the whirlwind mishmash of thoughts and feelings that even if you could slow them down to capture them on paper wouldn’t make sense to anyone else outside of your own head/heart. Heck, it’s hard enough to make sense of them yourself!

But I had e-mails in the past 36 hours from two very wise friends who reminded me that a) this is completely normal and b) it’s ok to miss a place dearly and be happily leaving it at the same time. Plus, in the car today one of Sufjan Stevens’ songs spoke to me in a new way. As a result, I’m feeling brave enough to try and blog these thoughts. Perhaps they’ll speak to someone else in turn.

Item b above has been the source of most of my un-bloggable thoughts. It’s been a month since my last groovy sister reserves trip so I’m having some symptoms of withdrawal from the amazing community of Sisters I have come to know and love. In the mean time, I’ve been immersed in this wonderful community of friends here in Portland as I wind down my life here and say goodbye. And I only have 3 days left here!! I love this place and these people. I have had a good life here. Grown, learned, loved, served, laughed, cried. Life. So why am I leaving for such an unknown future??? Especially since I’ll be heading East soon for Novitiate, where I will be with Sisters, who while equally as groovy and part of the same community, are not the ones I have come to know and love these past 2 years. So it’s like I’m leaving two places/sets of people dear to me for a third unknown and not yet loved place.

One of the wise friends shared his experience when he left his community of friends to enter his novitiate all those years ago. “Here I was, going off to become part of a community, and I had one right where I was all along. What was wrong with me? And would I always be chasing the ‘greener grass’?” Good questions, and ones that I find myself asking myself several times a day lately.

The other wise friend said this in response to my last post about the Gospel story about the rich young man: “Unlike that poor soul, you have the grace to know that all you love in Portland still wasn’t quite enough. If this path was easy, everybody would be dancing down it....but with all the hard spots, there’s abundance of joy, even in New Jersey!”

There lies the rub. As wonderful as my friends are, as wonderful as my life here has been … I know it’s not quite what I’m meant to do, how I’m meant to live. I get glimmers of my future with the groovy sisters, glimmers of what a life centered on the Gospel would be like, in community. My friends are great, but they have lives and families of their own. I so yearn to be part of a community of faith that lives and works together joyfully. And I sense that with the groovy sisters.

Which takes me to the Sufjan Stevens song “Chicago.”

"If I was crying
In the van, with my friend
It was for freedom
From myself and from the land …

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
All things know, all things know
You had to find it
All things go, all things go"

The thing is … what I sense is in a way freedom from myself and from the land. I’m slowly moving on this journey from “me” to “we”. I’m letting go of the cosmic grip I’ve had on this particular place called Portland, Oregon in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I know I can be me here … the question is, can I allow my loving God to recreate me? Can I remember, can I know, can I embrace the fact that all things grow and all things go?

We’ll see what happens, but at the moment I’m feeling better having blogged some of these thoughts, thanks to the help of my wise friends.

following my heart

Yesterday the Gospel reading was Jesus telling the Rich man he had to give away all his possessions to the poor. Today we have the Apostles pestering him, wondering if all their sacrifices will be worth it in the end. “What will there be for us?,” they ask. And Jesus replies:

And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters
or father or mother or children or lands
for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more,
and will inherit eternal life.
But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.

Interesting readings these last days before I become a Novice. I am not really giving up houses (I had an apartment), but I am simplifying my life to be sure. I am not giving up brothers or sisters or father – we have a long distance e-mail/phone relationship that will simply continue. But I am giving up daily contact with an amazing community of friends who are my family. I know too that it is harder to keep those bonds strong over distance, but they will always have a place in my heart. I am giving up the prospect of children, but my biological clock has been taking care of that one anyway and I don’t think that’s my calling. But I do have some special children in my life that I will see rarely from now on. And as to the rich man giving away his worldly possessions to the poor, I’m by no means rich but I have given much away these last few weeks.

So why am I doing this? For the simple reason that Jesus is calling and in the words of Olivia Newton John from Grease … “My head is saying ‘fool, forget him’, my heart is saying ‘don't let go’.

And as the New Radicals tell us in one of my all time favorite songs, You Get What You Give, "You'll be ok follow your heart." So that’s what I’m doing …following my heart.

lessons in simplifying

Today I moved the rest of my worldly possessions from my apartment to my friend’s basement where they will live during my Novitiate. As a result of the great purge & pack project, I took 12 carloads of rummage to my parish rummage sale. Today I moved 2 carloads of stuff to my friend’s basement. A great paring down, but still too much stuff. Or so I thought after lugging it out of my house, into my car, over to her house, up her steps, through her house, and down the steps to the basement. Uggh…. I had some help with the bigger items, but most of the smaller stuff I did myself. About half way through I thought … do I really need this stuff? The thing is, much of it is family stuff from when my mom died and we sold the family house. Family pictures, some of my grandmother’s dishes, etc … Plus my own life mementos … yearbooks, books, etc… Perhaps when the time comes to move it again, I will be moved to simplify even more by sheer laziness!!!

Tomorrow I’m having lunch and dinner with some friends. In between my plan is to clean my now empty apartment.

Tomorrow is also my 2 year groovy sister anniversary … I went to my first vocation retreat with the Sisters of St Joseph of Peace on August 22, 2004. And felt at home immediately, although I spent the next 3 months pretending that I wasn’t sure. And just think, in 4 short days I will be received as a Novice!!! Amazing.

weekend update

Where to start. It’s been a good weekend, but a busy one and a bit of an emotional roller coaster as well. These days leading up to the Novitiate are interesting to navigate.

I am safely ensconced in my good friend Jackie’s house … which is also home to a menagerie of animals. Right now Sadie the dog is out with her human for an evening stroll. I’ll be staying here till I head to Seattle on Saturday for my reception as a Novice.

Saturday I dropped Jason off at the Jesuit Novitiate. I got a tour of his new digs and met some of the novices and the novice master. He was happy and at peace when I left. The experience brought home my impending reality though!! Soon that will be me …

I worked a few shifts at the rummage sale Sat & Sun and saw many of my belongings go to new homes. One of the girls I used to teach in Sunday School took home my bowling trophy from fourth grade! She liked that it was shiny.

I had fun telling the people who picked up my bed, tv, desk from my ad on craigs list that I was leaving to become a Sister … they were pretty darn shocked!

Tonight was my last mass at my parish. There was a nice blessing for me as I move on to the next step in my journey at the end of mass. It was emotional, but helps me gain some closure on what has been an amazing parish experience. The not-so-young remnants of our young adult group went out afterwards for pizza and a beer. Good people.

This week I’m finishing closing up house, selling my car, canceling utilities, and saying good bye to people. One thing I don’t have to do is go to work since I quit my J.O.B. Yeah me!! I realized today I won’t have to go to work in the traditional sense for the next year! I’ll be busy and doing other types of work, but it will be good to have a rest from the daily grind.

That’s the update for now … I’m sure I’ll check in later. Especially since Jackie’s house has Wi-Fi!!

It’s Saturday morning, I’m unemployed, and totally fine with that!

Today’s a big day. For one thing, even though it’s a Saturday, I’m now unemployed!! A weird yet wonderful feeling. The party at work was good yesterday …. and my Frequently Asked Questions were a hit. Everything you wanted to know about your coworker who I becoming a sister but are afraid to ask.

This morning it’s out to brunch with Jason and then I drop him off at the Jesuit Novitiate (which is literally just down the street). How exciting is that?????

And then it’s off to the rummage sale, for one last weekend of the buzz buzz buzz activity of parish life. Be sure to stop by if you're local ... lot's of great stuff for cheap!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

it is finished

Confession ... I wrote this post months ago to help me get through the last push of my bureaucratic life.

Today, August 18th was my last day as an employee of "the man" - namely, the City of Portland, Oregon Auditor's Office. I've avoided giving many details about my work life on the blog, wary on the one hand of those repercussions you hear about by employers against blogging employees. But mostly, it's just that my job has been occasionally semi-high profile and I didn't really want people to know that I'm me, if you know what I mean. My cover was of course blown a few months ago when I was selected "Rogue of the Week" by the local weekly paper for doing my bureaucratic duty and then outed as a Nun-to-Be by the same paper a few weeks later, which included a link to the blog. The passing of time has mellowed my feelings on that particular incident in my life, but it's still the number two hit if you google me - the blog having recently moved to number one!

In any case, I now no longer work for the City so I can say whatever I'd like. Especially as I'm skipping town any day now to begin my new life (where one might say I plan to work for THE man - J.C.).

Looking back on my 10 years and almost 9 months of public employment, what am I most proud of?

• Helping to create the first municipal system of full public campaign financing in the United States. For better or worse, the way we now elect our City officials has changed and has my fingerprints all over it. Of course towards the end it resulted in my rogue-dom and some minor scandals, but still it was a pretty tremendous undertaking & accomplishment.
• Working with over 120 candidates for City office (40 of them in one election back in 2004) - making sure they follow all the rules, cross their t's, dot there i's. (The numbers don't do them justice - we attract a cast of characters. Literally. One year a clown was running for Mayor.)
• Overseeing 9 ballot measure campaigns and working with a number of citizens as they navigated Oregon's initiative and referendum system.
• Migrating the publication of our City Code & Charter to the internet - this one was a real team effort but I played a key part. Now our citizens have 24 hour access to our laws.
• Creating the online Portland Policy Documents, the first ever compilation of all our City's policies and administrative rules. Again, the 24 hour access thing.
• Starting our office Cinco de Mayo Party. Mexican food. Mock Margaritas. Fun. And it will continue I'm sure years after I'm gone.
• Helping citizens decode our democratic system and cut through the red tape.
• Winning the office Halloween Costume party costume contest once as an individual(Vegas Elvis complete with white jump suit - yes there are pictures, they ended up on the goodbye party invite - no you can't see them) and once as a work group (we were the Magic 8 ball in action).

There's lots I'll be happy to no longer deal with on a daily basis. Disgruntled citizens, pointless bureaucracy, office politics, working under a microscope, being the subject of lawsuits, and being quoted in the paper to name a few. But I've grown, I've changed, and I've learned a lot in this job. One might say it's where I grew up.

And now it's finished. Whew!

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Nine!

It’s Friday. Today’s my last day as a bureaucrat and I have one week before I become “Sr. Susan.” My friend Jason has one day left before he enters the Jesuit Novitiate (check out his blog for what types of conversations that leads to). We did what all wise novices-to-be would do in similar situations and watched X-Men 3.

On a more serious note, I can’t really describe the mishmash of emotions I’m feeling as I face tomorrow. On the one hand I’ve been looking forward to this day for years. My path to discerning religious life started 3 plus years ago when I realized I was bored with my career of choice. That in turn gave me the freedom to start to hear this call. But on the other hand, I’ve always been a government worker, or else I was in college studying to be a government worker and before that I used to play in my mother and father’s offices while they were government workers. This is a big shift for me. An identity change. And so I pray as I head out for one last day…

God of all that is and all that was and all that will be, guide us as we navigate this day. Help us to be present in the moment and to look forward in hope, trust and faith to what is coming around the bend. May the partings be sweet and the party enjoyable for all. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

have we got some rummage for you!

For those of you who are local, be sure to stop by the St Philip Neri Rummage Sale Saturday & Sunday! My 12 car loads of worldly possessions are there, but there's so much more. Check out this craigs list post for details. I'll be around Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning as the friendly face at the cash table (putting those years as a K-Mart cashier to good use).

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Eight

Two days left at work. Wow! That was a long way coming, and yet it snuck up on me. And so I pray …

Christ, our peace and our strength, your call to each of us is the same – “Follow Me” – though the paths are different. I am approaching a rather large fork in the road on my journey with you. Tomorrow I will say goodbye to my career and my coworkers of 11 years. This is not sudden. It has been on the radar for more than 2 years. I am not having cold feet or second thoughts, but that doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye. Be with me. Grant that I may feel the peace and strength that comes from you as I drop my bureaucratic nets to answer your call. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Seven

Three days to go. And so I pray …

Spirit of Life, I thank you humbly for those times you have worked through me. Sometimes I went with the flow, sometimes I resisted all the way, but you were always present in ways I could only occasionally discern. Help all those I work with and those we serve to feel your presence in their lives and in the workplace, in accord with their own spiritual traditions. May they come to know your love and live the gift of life joyfully. Amen.

you stress, me stress

The big changes on the horizon are coming closer and closer. Despite my many earlier freak outs (which I’m sure will be repeated in some variation at various points on this journey), I am surprisingly centered and at peace about this all. Even the whole moving to New Jersey part! Or the not being in control of the events of my immediate and foreseeable future. It’s like I know deep down in my heart that this is what I’m supposed to do. All will be well, in fact all will be better than well.

But while I wouldn’t say I’m anxious or worried or overly sad or fearful, I have had insomnia and a serious loss of appetite, which happens sometimes when I’m stressed. But I think it’s more “eustress” than “distress”:

eustress (noun): stress that is deemed healthful or giving one the feeling of fulfillment

I think it was the eustress about taking this amazing leap of faith that gave me the efficiency and energy I needed to sort through 12 car loads of rummage and empty my house. It was the eustress that helped me to clear out my cubicle of 8 years over the 4^th of July weekend. And it was the eustress that got me through my goodbye party last Saturday. But it’s also causing the insomnia, associated grogginess, etc… Which is to be expected and is not unwelcome as it has been useful. I just need to be attuned to it. Three more days at work. And 11 days before I’m received as a Novice and become “Sister Susan.” Crazy!!! No wonder!

The question of the day though … would I rather have complicated stress dreams or insomnia?

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Six

Well, it’s back to my temporary reality this morning (work that is). 4 more days. And so I pray on this Feast of the Assumption for the strength and grace to continue saying “Yes” to all that I am and all I am called to be:

God of hope and promise, today begins my last week of life as Susan Rose, Civil Servant. As I look forward to all the wonderful (and unknown) possibilities that lie ahead, help me to be joyfully present in the here and now. As the end comes nearer, this becomes more and more difficult. I am ready to move on, but not quite yet. Bless these last days. Amen.

morning update

It’s morning and I’m groggy and trying my best to get centered and ready to face all that comes my way today. I’ve got four more days before I get to say “see you later” to my bureaucratic self and embark on my new adventure!

The last few days have been a good break. My party was amazing – I’ve never had so many people show up just for little old me! My church worlds and college worlds collided, and everyone survived. There was even some mingling and interaction. I was humbled to see that I have had an impact in the lives of the people here. Honored and humbled.

Sunday I picked up Jason a l’aeroport and we drove to the coast, making a few stops along the way (wine tasting and chocolate tasting at a monastery). The ocean was a.o.l. when we arrived at our hotel, being hidden behind some pretty dense fog. But it made an appearance in the morning before we departed for the city.

And on that note, I am going to be late for work. That mini-update will have to suffice for the curious.

Hope all is well with all my bloggy friends. Please keep me in your prayers this week. For that matter, please remember all the men and women who are readying to enter their Novitiates. It is a special time to be sure.

purge, pack, party

My goal was to be pretty much done with project purge/sort/pack by this afternoon. Tonight is the going away party my friends are throwing for me (should be fun). Tomorrow is the deadline to drop off rummage for next weekend’s rummage sale (so I needed to be done with that). And tomorrow Jason is flying into town. We’re heading from the airport to the Oregon Coast, and then he’ll be staying with me in my now extremely simple lodgings until he enters the Jesuit Novitiate down the street from me next Saturday.

Well, I’m happy to report that except for 2 giant boxes of paper I need to sort through, a pile of paper to be shredded and some assorted odds and ends, I’m finished!!!!

This means that I can spend my last two weeks in Portland relaxing and spending quality time with folks. Of course I also have to work next Tuesday through Friday (the last 4 days of my Bureaucratic Novena), but that will be good in its own way.

I just checked the UPS website and most of my boxes found their way to the Novitiate House in New Jersey. Two were apparently “left in a UPS facility” and forwarded a few days later, whatever that means. They’ll get there soon. And I’ll be there 3 1/2 weeks from now myself. Crazy!

But for now, time to finish up and maybe take a nap before the soiree.

wait for it - it will come

The world is a mess. The UN Security Council passed the resolution calling for a cease fire, but yet the conflict has escalated. Hundreds will probably die in Iraq today. The very future of our planet is in question with global warming. And poverty abounds. I cleaned out my fridge and cabinets yesterday - lots of post-dated unedible food that went into the trash. Of course, what is post-dated and uneidble to me is food to a hungry person, as the contents of my ransacked trash can on the curb attest.

It is quite easy to be weary and ask, "Hey ... God ... where are you?". Just like our buddy Habakkuk in today's first reading, one of my favorites:

Are you not from eternity, O LORD,
my holy God, immortal? ...
Too pure are your eyes to look upon evil,
and the sight of misery you cannot endure.
Why, then, do you gaze on the faithless in silence
while the wicked man devours
one more just than himself?

Ok, so Habakkuk's lament is a bit more poetic than my "Hey God where are you?". Maybe that's why he got an answer from the heavens:

Write down the vision
Clearly upon the tablets,
so that one can read it readily.
For the vision still has its time,
presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint;
If it delays, wait for it,
it will surely come, it will not be late.

If it delays, wait for it. It will surely come, it will not be late. A good reminder that God's time is not our time. Reminds me of this bit from the beginning of groovy sister constitutions, another favorite of mine:

Peace is God's gift to us,
given in Christ,
a gift we experience and enjoy now,
though not in its completeness.
We believe that peace
points beyond itself in hope
to the fullness of time.

Amen

Friday Five: Bursting with Fruit Flavor

It’s still Friday on the west coast so I thought I’d play the Revgalblogpal Friday Five. The challenge:

Galatians 5 describes the fruit of the Spirit. With all the sadness and despair out there, we certainly need it! So, the Friday Five is simple. Pick any five of the following attributes and go wherever the Spirit leads you... your choice! Suggestions: When have you experienced this attribute? When have you struggled with it? Or who embodies it for you?

Patience – God has certainly been patient with me. The other day I thought back to the big talk I had with my Dad when I decided I was no longer Catholic. I was probably 17 and I knew EVERYTHING there was to know about why organized religion was not something I needed or believed in. My Dad was disappointed and a bit angry with me. God was I think looking on, laughing and saying, if she only knew….

Kindness – I’ve always been one to lend a helping hand to a friend in need. But it’s really hard for me to ask for help. Case in point … I’ve managed to pretty much pack up my entire house and lug 10 car loads of rummage to church on my own, even though I had offers of help. I did ask a friend to help me with the 2 biggest items tomorrow. But when I was thinking of kindness, I thought of my friend Nicole and the night my Mom died almost 3 years ago. I don’t even remember calling her, but I must have. Next thing I know she was here in my apartment, at 2am, giving me a big hug and helping me pack for my trip back east. That moment was definitely of the Spirit.

Joy – Whenever the groovy sisters gather en masse, and I’m thinking in particular of the semi-annual province assemblies and annual Jubilee celebrations, the joy is palpable. You can taste it on the air. It pervades the air. I’ll probably never be able to dissect it, but I think it comes from the joy of being community together in a particular physical space and time to celebrate each other. My face always hurts after from laughing.

Love – I met my newest niece Julia last weekend. She’s 3 months old. She’s adorable. There’s just something about a new little one coming into the world, especially when they come into your world.

Peace – People keep asking me if I’m excited or nervous or anxious or happy or …. insert feeling here … about the big changes on the horizon. At various times I’m some and all of those things. But underneath it all is a deep abiding peace, unlike anything I’ve really experienced before. I keep expecting it to go away, but it’s still there. It makes it easier when I do freak out (like when I just got teary eyed driving home from hanging out with a friend, realizing I won’t be able to just call her up and go over in a few weeks).

feeling outrage and looking for hope

Finally … The Washington Post is reporting that “Diplomats Agree on Resolution Text – U.N. Security Council Says Nearing Final Agreement” on a ceasefire in the Lebanese-Israeli conflict. May it truly happen, and soon.

Last night on BBC World Service on the radio (yes I’ve had insomnia lately, so I’m becoming very well informed), they had an interview with an artist who lives in Beirut. It was quite a thoughtful and poignant moment as I was lying awake in bed – she was sharing how the Lebanese people are joining together to help the 1 in 4 who have become displaced. She seemed to be hopeful while at the same time baffled as to why this was happening. Over 1,000 civilians have been killed in the past month in Lebanon. 1,000 mom, dads, grandparents, children. And I find it so hard to get my head around the idea of ¼ of a country having to flee their homes for safety. How do you flee when all the highways, railroads and airports have been destroyed and you’ve been told any moving vehicles will be targeted by bombs from the skies?

I’m finding myself feeling as helpless as I did this time last year when thousands were stranded at the New Orleans Superdome. Perhaps I’ve been hoodwinked into believing that our government (as a superpower) has the capability to do something, but I think we could certainly be doing more for those in dire need. And I firmly believe we have a moral obligation to do as much as is humanely possible with our political power as well as our humanitarian aid.

I remember that when the conflict first flared up last month, Condaleezza Rice said something to the effect of “A temporary cease fire would be a false hope” when explaining why our nation at that point was not calling for a ceasefire. I respect the notion of working for a lasting peace in the region – of course we essentially abandoned the region for the past 5 years but that’s another post. But let’s get real here …. to the 1,000 people who have lost their lives and to those who mourn them, I do not think a temporary cease fire would have been a “false hope.” It would have meant LIFE whereas our unwillingness to do something forceful and quickly instead was tantamount to a death sentence.

I’ve been noticing an interesting phenomenon in the rhetoric of our nation’s leaders. Our “pro-life” politicians seem to focus on the inherent value of human life only when it is American life, and usually then only when it is at a certain stage of life. Perhaps it is the cynic in me, but it would seem to me that 1,000 innocent Lebanese lives have just as much inherent value as the Terry Shiavo’s of the world and deserve as much care, attention and government intervention. If we value human life, doesn’t that mean all human life??? But where is the public outcry?

I’ve written before about the shift in the effect of armed conflict on civilian populations, but it’s worth highlighting again:

At the start of the 20th Century, civilians accounted for 5% of war dead.
During World War II, civilian casualties grew to 65% of the victims of war.
By the early 1990's, this number had grown to over 75%.
Today, over 90% of those killed in war are civilians.

This point is being proven once again in Lebanon. It seems so obviously morally wrong to me. And yet, does anyone care? We still talk about war as if it is only those who choose to fight that are dying. But instead, it is women, children and the elderly whose lives are violently taken from them in geopolitical games that they play no part in. And in wars which march right into their homes and take away their ability to flee to safety. Where is the moral outrage?? Where are the grandstanding speeches? Do we even care, or are we only concerned if we can't take our shampoo on the airplane with us?

There’s nowhere for this post to go. I’m just feeling a need to release some of this angst. And so I pray …

God of the nations, look upon the lands devastated by war and show us the way to peace. Turn our guns into plows and our bombs into bread. Remove hatred from our hearts and vengeance from our memories. Give us the wisdom and the will to end terrorism and war whether in lands far or near, or in the confines of our families and communities. Help us to remember that we are one world and one family. Grant this through the intercession of all peacemakers of all times and all places, especially those who suffered persecution and death for the sake of justice and peace. Amen.*

(*This prayer is from the People’s Companion to the Breviary. The Sisters in my house in Seattle say it every night at the conclusion of their evening prayers.)

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Five

It’s Friday, which is a good thing. Yesterday was quite a taxing day, and I still have lots to do at home as well. And so I pray …

Healing God, truth be told I’m a bit weary of the work-a-day grind. May the coming weekend bring rest and rejuvenation to get me through my last week as Susan Rose, Civil Servant. That’s about all I’ve got in me at the moment, but you know what I mean and so the rest can go unsaid. Amen.

Frequently Asked Questions

I've got two goodbye parties coming up - one this weekend with friends, one next Friday at work. A friend jokingly suggested that I come up with a list of Frequently Asked Questions to hand out so I don't have to have the same conversations over and over. I actually thought it wasn't a bad idea. So I give you the result ...

Answers to Questions Frequently Asked of Susan Francois

Is it true you’re becoming a nun? Yes, I am becoming a Catholic Sister. I am entering the Congregation of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace.

What do the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace do? Our community’s charism (or founding spirit) is pursuing social justice as a path to peace. The Congregation of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace is an international Roman Catholic Congregation of about 300 Sisters living in the UK, the East Coast (mostly in New Jersey) and the West Coast(mostly the Seattle area but also in Oregon, Alaska, California & El Salvador). We also have a dynamic and very active group of lay associate members - both men & women.

Different Sisters pursue this mission of peacemaking in a variety of ways. Sisters minister in health care, education, faith communities, social work, counseling, political advocacy, housing for women and children, retreat work, with persons living with AIDS, with Native Americans and immigrants.

In the Western Province, the Sisters sponsor a number of ministries including the Peace Health Hospital System (with hospitals in Eugene, Cottage Grove, Florence, Longview, Bellingham and Ketchikan), an affordable housing program called Intercommunity Mercy Housing, a transitional housing program for women in Seattle called the Jubilee Women’s’ Center, and the Intercommunity Peace & Justice Center.

What type of work do you hope to do? And why are you becoming a Sister anyway? For the past few years, peace & justice work has been what I do in my spare time. I feel called to do this work full time and it makes the most sense to do that both in my spiritual tradition and with the support and challenge of a group of like-minded women. I am entering the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace because they are a group of fun and committed women dedicated to working for peace & justice.

Once I profess my temporary vows in 2008, I hope to find my way into some sort of active social justice work. Figuring out what that might be is part of the discernment I will be doing during the Novitiate. At this point, I hope to return to the Northwest (probably Seattle) and work for a while in one of our sponsored justice ministries. But who knows what God has in mind.

Does “nun” mean the same thing as “sister”? Technically, they are different. But the two terms are often used interchangeably, even by religious themselves (and by me too).

Generally speaking, a “sister” is a woman religious whose work or ministry is outside the convent where she lives. Her life is not cloistered – she can go out to movies, hang out with friends, and visit family. Of course she also shares a common life of prayer, work and fun with the members of her religious community. (That’s what I’m doing)

The term “nun” is typically used to refer to a woman religious who chooses to live with others in a cloistered convent. Her activities would generally not take her outside the convent. (That’s not what I’m doing)

Will you wear a habit? No. I’ll basically be wearing what I wear now. My community wears simple everyday clothing. When I become a Novice I will be receive a “Peace Cross” which I will wear as the main identifier of my religious community.

Does the fact that you’re not going to wear a habit mean you’re not a “real sister”? My 9 year old niece asked me this question the other day! Some religious communities choose to wear a habit as an outward sign of their vocation (and for the simplicity of not having to figure out what to wear each day).

Other communities, such as mine, found that the habit created an unnecessary barrier between them and the people they served. Plus, since the habit was once upon a time the dress of the common people, it makes sense to wear street clothes, the common dress of today’s people. So in answer to my niece’s question, even though I’ll be wearing normal every day street clothes, I will still be a “real sister.”

How long does it take to become a Sister? The entire formation process takes 6 years.

For the past year I have been a “Candidate” (which used to be called “Postulant” and still is by some communities). As a Candidate I’ve spent 2 long weekends a month living with a small community of sisters in Seattle while I’ve kept my job. Candidacy is a time to get to know the community better and discern if it’s a good fit.

On August 26th I will become a “Novice.” This is actually when I will receive the title “Sister” in front of my name and the letters “csjp” after my name (I’ll be “Sister Susan Francois, CSJP).

The Novitiate is a 2 year period of continued discernment and preparation. The first year (the “canonical novitiate” or as I like to call it “lockdown”) will be a time away from daily concerns. Our focus will be study and prayer rather than work. I will be living in our Novitiate House in Englewood Cliffs, NJ with 2 other Novices and our Novice Director. The second year is the ministry year where we will have the opportunity to try out a number of different ministries and visit the various places where our sisters live.

After Novitiate, I will be able to request to take temporary vows (poverty, celibacy and obedience). At this point I would start full time ministry.

Three years after taking temporary vows, I would be able to request to make my perpetual vows as a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace.

So what’s with this poverty, celibacy and obedience stuff anyway? Being a Sister is a counter-cultural choice these days, and the vows are a big part of that. They express a Sister’s dedication to a life of service to God & God’s people.

By vowing celibacy, Sisters are free to love all God’s people equally by entering into non-possessive and life-giving friendships rather than one committed relationship.

By vowing poverty, a Sister promises to use her resources collectively with her fellow Sisters in a spirit of sharing and simplicity. This vow also calls us to work for a more just society where all have the resources they need.

By vowing obedience, a Sister promises to search actively to know God’s call as revealed through scripture, the people and events of the world, the concerns of the church, and her religious community. It’s a way to transition from looking at the world through “me” glasses to “we” glasses..

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Four

Thursday marks the 4^th day of my Bureaucratic Novena, which means I have 6 days left including today. I’m wearing jeans today and am going to tackle the files. Which makes me think back over the years. I’ve worked on so many projects, but all along I think God was working on a little project called “Susan Rose.” And so I pray …

Patient God, thank you for being gentle and taking things slow with me. When I think back to the young woman I was 11 years ago starting her first job and look at all that lies ahead for me now, I can’t help but see your hand at work. You knew that I needed to take it slow, and that I needed a safe place to grow and one day spread my wings. Despite all the difficulties, occasional unpleasantness and annoyances, this has been that place. And so I thank you, and look forward in hope, a little trepidation, and trust. Amen.

it's getting more and more real

We interrupt this work day with a lunch time post to tell you that it’s getting more and more real, this big life change on the horizon. I received an e-mail today with a copy of the draft program for my Reception as a Novice on August 26th. Quite beautiful really. It includes the bit I wrote about my hopes beginning Novitiate. Anyway, I was reading through the program to see if there were any mistakes or typos, when I saw it …. the words “Sister Susan,” referring of course, to me! That’s the first time I’ve seen it in print. Makes it all the more real. Let’s see, if today is August 9th and I become “Sister Susan” on August 26th, that means I have 17 days to get used to it! (Although I have a feeling it will take much longer than that to get used to it.)

I’ve already told close friends and family that I will always be “Susan” with them. It would be too weird to have them call me “Sister.” But I suppose I’ll have to get used to being introduced that way, introducing myself that way, and being addressed that way. And to be honest, I think it's important to be known as "Sister." I may not be wearing a habit, but that doesn't mean that I can't be a witness of Christ's peace. At least, I hope to grow into that role! It's a tall order to fill. But really, I do plan to wear my community's Peace Cross and to try to live up to the name "Sister." It’s all part of the package. But I won't pretend it doesn't feel strange!!

pray for peace

Today’s Gospel reading is from Matthew and features some place names that have become quite familiar of late …

At that time Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out,
“Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David!
My daughter is tormented by a demon.”
But he did not say a word in answer to her.
His disciples came and asked him,
“Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.”
He said in reply,
“I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”
But the woman came and did him homage, saying, “Lord, help me.”
He said in reply,
“It is not right to take the food of the children
and throw it to the dogs.”
She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps
that fall from the table of their masters.”
Then Jesus said to her in reply,
“O woman, great is your faith!
Let it be done for you as you wish.”
And her daughter was healed from that hour.

I heard a whole report on BBC news last night about how the refugee camps iin Sidon (filled with Palestinian refugees for the past 50 years and now Lebanese fleeing the conflict) had been bombed repeatedly over the past days. And so I continue my prayer for peace and ask you to join me.

God of Peace, we ask with great faith that the bloodshed of innocent lives stop everywhere, but most especially in Lebanon and Israel. Heal their divisions. Comfort the afflicted. And may peace prevail on earth. Amen

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Three

Seven more days to go, counting today! Yesterday I managed to finish the documentation for one of my genormous bureaucratic creations and start training my replacement on how to keep it alive. Which made me realize how much I'm going to miss the particular brand of problem solving and bureaucratic creativity that I was able to exercise in this weird job of mine. And so I pray ...

God of all creation, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to help create so many worthwhile projects and programs. It has truly been an honor to participate in the good governance of my City, even if at times I have grumbled and moaned my way through it. In a way these programs are my babies. Grant me the wisdom and the grace to let them go, to see my bureaucratic creations shepherded to new places by new people. Help me to trust that my creative days are not ending, but that I will have a hand in co-creating new and different things on this crazy wonderful path of life that lies ahead. In gratitude and faith I pray. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day Two

Today is the 2nd day of my Bureaucratic Novena – meaning I have 8 days left at work counting today. And so I pray …

Forgiving God. Over the years I’ve worked with some great people. We’ve done some great work as well as some great goofing off. But as people are people, I also sport some battle scars. From when things did not go my way, when I did not get the recognition I felt I deserved, and from when I had my toes stepped on. I’m betting there are probably some sporting battle scars caused by me for not giving their way a chance to see daylight and from my difficulty exercising humility. And I know I’ve stepped on some toes – perhaps even whole feet! So I ask for your grace, to forgive and be forgiven. Not to forget, but to learn and move on. In peace. And friendship. Amen.

Susan's Bureaucratic Novena - Day One

I’m back at work. It feels kind of strange … I’ve been on vacation for 2 ½ weeks. Someone else is sitting in my cubicle of many years and pretty much doing my job. I’m back in a forgotten corner of the office, using an ancient computer and without a phone. Luckily I left myself some notes about what it is I’m supposed to be doing these last days. Basically I need to work on documentation, but I’m feeling a bit like a fish out of water truth be told.

All in all I’ve got 9 days of work left (if you count today). My Sister/Mentor type person pointed out that makes it a kind of Novena. Adding to the theme, Lisa commented the other day: “I think it's an awesome idea to experience and pray the days as a novena, both of thanksgiving and preparation.” So I thought I’d take a few moments on my lunch break here to do just that for Day One of Susan’s Bureaucratic Novena.

Loving God. Thank you for the twists and turns of life, especially those that led me to my almost 11 years as a public servant. At times it may have seemed like I was endlessly pushing paper and creating red tape. But if I look closely, I can see your hand at work in wonderful ways. I have learned so much here, and I know that I will have countless opportunities to apply these skills in my great unkown future. Bless this office and the people who work here and those who they serve. Amen.

ordinary time book reflection

Today is the Feast of the Transfiguration and the 61st anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. I wrote the scripture reflection in the revgalblogpal's Ordinary Time Reflection Book for today.

Sixty-one years ago today on August 6, 1945, a US bomber dropped an atomic bomb called "Little Boy" on the city of Hiroshima, Japan. Read the rest

Loving God. You have loved us into being. Help us in turn to love all our brothers and sisters. We remember especially today all those members of our global family who have died in conflict and war. Grant us the strength and wisdom to use our gifts, so that together we may transform our world through the bonds of peace and the love that comes from you.

Amen. Shalom. Amen.

meet the camel

cj
Originally uploaded by susanrose.

I bought this camel for my newest niece when I was in Las Vegas. She is fascinated by it!

postcard from california

ese
Originally uploaded by susanrose.

Greetings from California! We're having a great partial-family reunion in the breezy yet warm weather. These are my sister's two oldest girls ... soon to be 2nd and 4th graders. Crazy how fast they grow up!

another post card from the airport

I'm using the free wifi at PDX again. This time I'm headed to Southern California to visit family. I get to see my new niece for the first time!! And visit with her two sisters. And her mom and dad. And my brother. And my own dad who will also be on the left coast for a visit. Should be fun.

Monday morning I fly back to Portland and head to work from the airport ... vacation over.

I've got 9 work days left, which as one of my Sister-friends told me made it a kind of "Novena."

It will be interesting, that's for sure.

But for now, I'm going to people watch until my flight takes off.

Have a good weekend everyone!

floating bread

bread
Originally uploaded by susanrose.

I said in my last post that the floating milk was one of my favorite things about Portland. Actually it's the fact that the floating milk is but 10 blocks away (and parallel no less) from the floating bread!!! No technical difficulties for the floating loaf of bread today. I parked and watched it spin around for a bit. As a bonus I got to smell the fresh baked bread!!!

floating milk

milk
Originally uploaded by susanrose.

After dropping of the rummage, I drove by one of my favorite things about Portland ... the floating milk. Usually the milk rotates magically above the City. Unfortunately it seems to be having technical difficulties as it was stationary this afternoon.

4 car loads of rummage

rummage
Originally uploaded by susanrose.

This is what 4 car loads of rummage (formerly the not so worldly posessions of a certain blogger) looks like. I've got more where that came from. This is mostly the small stuff. I figure I've got 3 or 4 more car loads, but bigger stuff.

Our parish rummage sale is perfectly timed to receive the bulk of my junk. I can't remember if it was a coincidence or if I helped pick the date with this in mind!! In any case, it's certainly handy.

Tomorrow I'm going to ship some boxes to myself in New Jersey. Then, theoretically, I should basically just be left with the clothes I'm going to take on the plane and the boxes I'm going to store at a friend's house. Plus a few odds and ends to tide me over till I skip town.

I'm going to be having a house guest (you know who you are), but I don't have much left household wise. I managed to keep some sheets, towels and a futon for you to sleep on! And I found a box of plastic cutlerly from some function or other, so the real stuff is going in a box to the rummage sale tomorrow!!

Tomorrow night I'm headed to California to visit some family and see the newest addition - my baby niece Julia!

It's been a good and productive vacation. Don't know how I'm going to manage going back to work on Monday though, although it's only for 2 weeks.

random summer evening ramblings

I just spent a very enjoyable evening with two very good friends. About half way through it hit me … they will always be my friends, but it will not be like this ever again.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts about this amazing vocation journey I find myself on is leaving my life here in Portland. Chances are I will probably return to the Pacific Northwest at some point after Novitiate, but chances are very slim that I will return to Portland. The groovy sisters have never had a presence here. Seattle yes. Portland no.

But at the same time, I know that this is not where I’m being called to be. My friends are on different paths …. focusing on their families or the joys of home ownership. I’m being called to something different. I know that. They know that. But it’s still tough.

I’ve been so focused on the things I have to cross off my to do list, I don’t think I’ve been giving adequate attention to the deeper things.

Hmmmm ….. nobody every said following that Jesus guy would be easy. The paradox is that while it’s somewhat complicated and completely counter-cultural, it also feels so right.